holiday money

[milly1984]

my boyfriend lost his passport last year and was unable to go on the holiday we had booked. He was skint at the time so I paid for the holiday and he was paying me back bits at a time.... I found out later that he had told his friends that he had paid for the whole holiday and was gutted when he couldn't go....I questioned him about this and he said he was sorry but he felt ashamed that I paid for it all at the time. I was hurt and it still kind of hurts when I think about it, as all his mates were feeling sorry for him thinking I'm some sort of gold digger!! Am I overreacting here? 

[Octavius]

Just a tad, although if he had said you paid for it - what would they have thought of you then?  mug? 

I'd have thought you would have been better off letting him buy a new passport... 

[El D]

probably time constraints

 

yes and no imo. I think being hurt is a natural reponse because you feel that your bf fabrication reflected badly on you. However he was not thinking of this, but only his shame at being poor. Understand his point of view and it will stop hurting. I would also question yourself about whether it was the fabrication itself or the way in which you perceive your bf mates to regard you now.

[ICEMANSAV]

Yes I think you are, as pointed out by El D he would feel ashamed about his lack of money. It depend how he phrased the situation to his friends, if he is responsible for making them think you are a gold digger by what he said then i can understand your annoyance. However if this is your view of what could be thought or interpreted then I think you are making unfair assumptions about your fella's mates.

[Bangkok]

You have a legitimate complaint that he misrepresented the situation.  However, try to see the mitigating circumstances, although perhaps him not saying anything to his mates would have been more sensible than an outright lie.

Have your say, then move on.  It's the sort of incident that can crop up time and time again, and take on an importance far greater than it should.  That is to be avoided if possible.

[milly1984]

I just feel he lied about me, we had alot of problems last year with him keeping silly little things from me. I am not fussed about what his mates think, but apparently he kind of made out that he paid for everything and then couldn't go, and kind of said... "it's great isn't it, I pay a grand for a holiday, lose my passort then she goes anyway"! ...He found out his passport was gone a couple of days before we were due to go, I ended up going with my Mum then I wouldn't lose out completely. I felt guilty the whole time I was there then a couple months later I find this out.

[Pootle]

I don't think you are overreacting at all, he is blaming you for his own stupidity. Shame you felt guilty whilst on holiday though. If it were me, I would made damn sure I sent a postcard every single day showing him what he was missing out on.

[El D]

Why would do that? that is pathetic. sometimes I wonder if there are people out there with the emotional maturity not to act like little children. The E4 generation are like little monkeys playing at being adults. sad :(

[Pootle]

Nonsense El D, they had no doubt been looking forward to the holiday for a while and spending time together. She pays for the holiday, all he has to do is sort out his passport and he doesnt even do that. He has spoilt it for both of them! He then has the audacity to blame it on her! If that were me, I would be absolutely furious. The least I would expect in repentance is next years holiday on him!

[El D]

So he lost his holiday which he is paying for, lost the time with his girlfriend, lost his money, and felt like a complete idiot, and you would turn around and laugh in his face by sending him a postcard? Or completely humiliate him by pointing all this out to his mates so they could have a good laugh about it? If you are more worried about what his mates think than him being happy I think you have your priorities wrong. I am sure you would be furious but as I already mentioned you are emotionally immature.

[Clare A]

It would be decent of millie to pay back to the boyfriend any contributions (if any) he'd made toward the holiday he didn't go on.

Other than that, it isn't her fault that he couldn't go at the last minute. You'd have thought he'd have located/safeguarded his passport more than two days before travel. It wasn't fair for him to have misrepresented the truth to his mates, showing millie in a bad light.

[Pootle]

El D, do you really have to resort to insulting me?

[milly1984]

Pootle, what would you do? Would you accept his apology? I still feel confused about why he would do this, I was already irate because of the other little lies I found out about at the time.

[Pootle]

I think the manner in which he has "lost out on his holiday" should for me have dictated his reaction. He didn�t get his passport sorted out; how stupid and elementary is that? The whole thing is quite laughable really. So what does he do, go down the pub and say to his mates, "lads, you'll never guess what I've done, I'm such a idiot." His mates laugh at him for a bit, he says to his girlfriend, "don't miss out dear, you've paid for it, go with someone else, we'll do something later in the year when I can sort out some money." No, he goes down the pub, says he has lost his passport and says that you've gone off on a jolly on his money. What?? So rather than make himself look stupid in front of his mates and take the stick, he chooses to shift the blame onto his love behind her back. He obviously cares more about what his mates think of him than what you think of him and is quite happy to publicly discredit you.  Personally, I cannot abide lying no matter how big or small the lie. I would have far more respect for somebody owning up to their mistakes regardless of what they have done. I'd accept his apology if he tells people exactly what happened. Yes he deserves the humiliation because it�s his fault!

[milly1984]

Thank you, I can't abide lies either. The truth did come out in the end, his friends asked him why he'd told such lies and he was pretty humiliated and said he felt ashamed, he said he only said it because it should have been him paying for it and felt bad. But I still can't forget it!! I know that sounds silly, we have been together for 3 years, i guess I just thought I knew him better!

[Gevs1966]

I really think you are overreacting quite badly here. He was trying to save face in front of his mates and wasn't lying to you. After what you just said he feels ashamed about it so can't you just let it lie? Blokes don't think about things like this the way women do, an off the cuff comment made by a guy in the pub is not thought of in the same way by men and women and you have to realise that.

From what you say I don't think he blamed anything on you as Pootle suggests and I agree with EI D in that surley him missing out on the holiday and spending time away with his girlfriend of 3 years is more than enough punishment for losing his passport and a face saving comment to his mates. Especially if everyone now knows he lied about it.

 

Pootle, I personally agree that your earlier comments were immature and that your suggestion of punishment by postcard as just spiteful and childish. Yes it is stupid to lose your passport but it has happened to thousands and thousands of people in the past and it will continue to happen in the future, it's one of those things.

You don't have to appoint blame, ridicule and humiliation to everyones little mistakes in life and if you think that you do then I think you very sad and could end up very lonely!

[Octavius]

Easy people.  We are talking about a dozey chap who lost his passport and tried to keep a bit of bravado in front of his mates, at the expense of his gf. 

So he has come out in the open and admitted everything and felt humiliated and ashamed in front of you and his mates.

Isn't that enough now?  Oh no, of course, there is all the other little lies that your female antennae has honed in on, because now he is just a big fat liar and can't be trusted at all can he.....

[El D]

Milly - now you do know him better. We all lie, to get on a high horse about it is in 99.9% of cases hypocritical. In this case he didn;t break a trust with you so I would let it go. If my girlfriend was to blame me for something to her friends, I would not be that bothered. they are her friends, not mine, if my girlfriend feels the need to lie about something, I would trust her judgement. Im not perfect, neither is my girlfriend - luckily neither of us pretends to be and trust regarding important things is rock steady.  Isnt that what relationships are about?

 

Pootle, no of course not, however I feel your point of view is just that, so why would I not say it?

[Pootle]

As you say, we are all entitled to our opinions but I cannot agree with anything that has been recently written.  Does nobody else think what he lied about was huge? And its not about getting on a high horse. You just can't go around lying and expect to have an honest relationship. Octavius spells it out; he "tried to keep a bit of bravado in front of his mates at the expense of his girlfriend." This is the act of a 16 boy in front of his mates not someone who has been with his girlfiend for 3 years, time for him to grow up in my opinion. El D, you are quite right, relationships are about trust.  But personally, I think lying to your partner is wrong no matter the circumstances but then I am clearly too immature too understand.

[El D]

lol what he lied about was huge was it? how old are you pootle? when did he lie to his partner? Are you a big fan of E4? ;)