Birthday dilema

[sam100]

Opinions needed folks!

My partner and I have birthdays two days apart and this year we have decided tobook a table at a posh new restaurant that has opened in our area and is run by a well known chef.

We have invited my mum and sister along as our treat as both have had a crappy year so far (as have we in some ways) and I wanted to give everyone something to look forward to and a nice experience.

At first my mum was hesitant as she does not like to be bought anything by her kids embarrasment but deep down she really wanted to go and I really wanted her to have a nice time.

However, my sister (who I have a strained relationship with and invited out of curtesy and because she is my sister at the end of the day) is refusing to go as it's too expensive and they would prefer to go to a cheaper place and for them to pay.

This has put me into a predicament. The reason i booked the table was because it was going to be a fab new experience for us as a family which is nothing about money and to cheer everyone up.

Should I ignore my sister (who incidentally could not even say thanks for the invite)?

[sara3]

go ahead with your plans, but plan something cheap and cheerful some other time to please the miserable cow ;o)

[jno]

yes. Why should your sister decide where you eat for your birthday? You've invited, she's declined, end of story really (though you could take her to the nearest McDonalds instead later, as sara suggests). Enjoy yourselves and I hope next year's better for all of you.

[boxtops]

Take a doggie bag back for her afterwards ;-)

[Hopkirk]

Sara's right.

You didn't really want the sis there anyway, so she has helped you.

Just take your Mum.

[woofgang]

I agree....don't let your sis ruin a lovely evening for you and your partner and your Mum. Its your birthday, your party!

[carmalee]

sam100 - your life - your choices - sis has been invited, if she chooses to decline can't see the problem. sounds as though she wants to hold the control card and, on this occasion, it's not hers to hold. Do what you want to do - you've really thought about your Mum etc - you're a brilliant daughter and partner - ignore sis - she'll only bring you down! Have a great time and if sis doesn't come then sis doesn't come - she has the choice. Enjoy!!!!

[karenmac60]

Hmm, difficult one. Are you much better off than your sister and does she have money problems? If so she may feel like a bit of a charity case. If it's your birthday then usually the done thing would be for everyone else to pay for your meal - understandably you want to pay as you have chosen somewhere more expensive, but your sister may feel you are rubbing it in that you have more than she does and is too proud to accept. I've been in this situation and it's hard enough being skint all the time without family making an issue of it and making you feel really small cos you can't afford to pay your own way. Try talking to her on your own and explaining that you want to treat the whole family because they've had a rough time lately and that it's not about you showing off, but if she still can't accept it there's not much you can do.

[4getmenot]

Its your birhday and you are inviting her, if I was invited to a wedding and it was at a really posh place where I couldnt afford drinks then I wouldnt go, I wouldnt tell the bride and groom to have it somewhere cheaper.

[carmalee]

karenmac60 takes a far softer approach to me and all credit to her. Guess I have such an open, friendly family I can't image the situation arising. I just so empathise with Sam's desire to do something spontaneous and different as a family without having to have a debate over it. Is money an issue with the sister?

[China Doll]

I'd just take mum and ignore sister/do something different with her another day, job done. Don't really see the problem.

[sam100]

Thanks everyone for your replies really helpful!

I just really wanted to do something nice for everyone no strings attached and it's turned into a bit of a saga. I also feel hurt that my sister feels that she has to be my mothers spokesperson.

Karenmac60- Not 100% how much she earns but I probably do earn more than her. However, the difference between us is this...eg, if I have to buy someone a gift i plan it before and save and go without to please that person. Whereas my sister would rather go out and get drunk and by the gift out of any change she might have left. Who's to say what is he right approach? just different people I guess.

[woofgang]

karen i don't think that's the done thing...always with us the birthday person would invite the family or friends whatever...we wouldn't expect anyone else to cough up. if someone wanted to buy a round of drinks that that's nice but with such a small family group I wouldn't expect that either, it would go on the restaurant tab.

If it was me and I was being nice, i would say to Sis...no of course its my pleasure to treat...you can host next time, and make sure that next time ended up being lunch or something more affordable.
This isn't the same as a wedding with a pay bar.....