nearly 39 and dont want kids yet...but do at some point...

[joko]

i just dont want any at the moment...but i know im getting older and should start thinking about this.
i know the medical factors involved as i get older...but surely its wrong to just have a child when i dont really want to just because of my 'body clock ticking'...

i do have a boyfriend but hes only 27 and although i love him and im having fun, im not at all sure its going to last forever and not even sure id want it too... (he loves me and wants to stay with me but isnt really thinking about kids etc yet..but he says he would like them in the future) ...part of me is thinking its time to stop thinking about being with someone for love and fun...but for security, future and family...i have never thought that way when looking for a man, so its an odd concept.

should just carry on as i am and go with the flow and see what happens...i still have a good few years before its totally too late yet.
or start looking for a new man? one i can see myself getting old with an raising a family...?

thanks

[Captin Kirk]

There's nothing to say you will or won't have problems conceiving but you're leaving little time to do anything about it if problems surface.

[tamborine]

Children dont bring security, in fact they're an added responsibility to which some security is necessary and that's the crux - who can give you security reliably for the first 18y of the childs life.

Children are not a necessity to everyone's life.

[joko]

yes i have pcos so i guess i've just never really thought about kids much...was told as a kid that id probably never have any...i know now this wasnt true, but it put me in the mindset that i wouldnt have kids.

point is i just dont want any any time soon...and im now feeling almost 'forced' into getting into somehting im not really comfortable with...because if i dont it may become too late...

i am also aware of the complications as i get older - as i said in the original post.

i would be quite happy to adopt...the 'maternal' need to bear my own kids isnt really an issue for me...perhaps i should just take it as it comes and adopt...


tonyted...did you actually read and understand my post? please dont bother to comment if you just want to make smartarse comments...im not interested.

[Mamyalynne]

Joko unless you have an overwhelming urge to have children, then maybe it is not for you. On the other hand you say you are having 'fun' so enjoy that if you wish. You may have time to meet someone you wish to spend the whole of your life with and your attitude may change.

Good luck with whatever happens.

[tamborine]

have you nephews/neices ? You can love 'em - leave 'em and when you're in your dotage they'll be round you like moths to a light, for your finery.

[joko]

thanks alll....yes i have 3 nieces an nephews and i love them, playin with them etc...

noth, i am not asking to be told what to do...just wondered what others would do...my problem is there are 2 courses of action...both with benefits and negatives...and im not sure which i am most drawn too...i know what i 'should' do ...but its not what i 'want' to do...

just because i am nearly 40 and dont want kids does not make me immature - what a ridiculous thing to suggest....it is also irrelevant, not what i asked and doesnt help the situation...

and actually my younger partner loves me and does want kids etc with me...just not right now...and neither do i...but theres a chance we may not be together in say 5 years time...as there is with any couple...theres always a risk it wont work out.
i am aware if i wait til the last minute and until hes ready...it might be too late to conceive or too late to find someone new...

[luckywong]

You should fix out the reasons why you do not want a baby clearly and tell your opinions to your boyfriend.
If he can not understand you and you two can not come to an agreement, i think you two are not suitable to live together. Beacuse the kid-issue is not just a trivial matter. I believe you also do not hope you two quarrel because of the kid-issue in the future, right?
So it is important to make a close communication with your friend.

[Sqad]

joko....Tambo´s first reply is very well put and it is a woman´s opinion.

[zzxxee]

Nobody can say for sure if a relasionship will last forever. I'm probably going to get shouted at for this, but i do think if you dont know by the age of 40 if your ready for kids then it probably isnt for you.
I dont think its fair on children to have very old parents they become a burden later in life to young people.

[ummmm]

You need to find a man you see a future with first...

[ladybird49]

There are many women like yourself with the " do i want children thoughts" but most either do or dont .... , if you had a baby with your present partner and the relationship ended would you be alright by yourself? i couldnt wait to have my first baby after i got married as i felt ready in myself ( done all id wanted as a single person ) i wish you luck in your decision x

[redcrx]

firstly pcos can make it difficult to concieve

you are at an age where the risks of Downs Syndrome increase, though there are tests that can be done once pregnant

You are unsure of your current relationship, its a high risk to find a new partner and fall pregnant so soon


also, can you afford to have a child, benefits are seeing a huge change at the moment, is it fair to have a child that you may not be able to financially support.

if you dont see a future with this younger guy then move on, find someone you do see a future with and then look at the rest

[NOX]

You're not immature joko, quite the reverse for giving it such thought before you rush headlong into something with someone who might not be in it for the long haul. Ummm is right ( as ever) first you need to discuss things with your partner and make sure that he's the right one, if not then it might be worth loosening things up with him a little and having a look around for somone that might be. As for time, some women are unable to conceieve at any age and some women right into their mid forties so I think you probably have a little time left ( my ex had twins at 42 and has just had another miscarriage a couple of months ago at 43 nearly 44). besides which if your happy to adopt then that's perfect, it doesn't matter so much. I have natural children who are mine, a son who was just my wife's and some who are not gentically related to either of us at all- and all were loved equally- it's very possible- kids don't have to be yours genetically for it to be a wonderful parent child relationship- since you feel that way you have all the time in the world to find out fo this guy is your really and truly or if there's someone else out there for you. Good luck.