I need help.

[mike11111]

I have a verbal problem. I know it's not Tourettes, 'cos I don't go around shouting F**k, t**ty, w**k every other two minutes. However, I do have a problem coordinating my brain with my tongue. I got on the bus today, having partaken of a light Saturday liquid lunch at my club, only to be preceded by two "chavvish ladies" (mother and daughter), accompanied by a rather young male dog (you didn't need bifocals to see that it was male). The dog was somewhat excited, and, to cut a long story short, was a bit of a nuisance. The mother and daughter kept making a fuss of the dog, which only got it more excited. Just as I was about to alight mummy chav (I deduce that from the fact that she had just a few more wrinkles and tattoos than the daughter, though I had to put my specs back on just to make sure) announced to the whole company, "I'm sorry, he's a little bit frisky". Before I could stop myself, I heard myself saying, "Madam, if I was a dog sqaushed between two rough bitches, I might feel a little frisky myself". What can I do to stop myself saying these things?

[bibblebub]

go by taxi

[boxtops]

Mike, it's as I posted last night, you are suffering from AB-itis - we can't work out when we can respond as we do on here, and when we must restrain ourselves in public.... you are not alone ;-)

[Mamyalynne]

Just go with the flow, sounds acceptable to me.

[NoMercy]

Did the dog end up giving her one?

[welshlibranr]

Well. mike, I know ti must have been embarrasing for you, but I had to chuckle, ......can you maybe think before you speak!.............If not!......well there we go then!...............that's just you!...........Folk will need to accept you the way you are!..................

[mike11111]

You folk are great! Here am I, taking the Fosters out of myself and you all feel sorry for me. LOL squared.

[cazzz1975]

"What can I do to stop myself saying these things?"

ignore them?

[ck1]

Why on earth would you want to stop saying things like, that? I'm going to take note and wait for the next available opportunity to use that line!!

[jaydah]

"Madam" ? You're lucky you weren't bottled.

[mike11111]

Your're welcome ck1. Thank f**k for that! For a moment I thought that people were treating me seriously. If I think of any more one-liners, I'll let you know.

[mike11111]

What's wrong with "Madam"? Perfectly respectable term,and one which I was brought up to use in addressing a "Laydee!" corse, them wot wuz drug up wood prbly say missis.

[askyourgran]

Did the chavettes both give you one?

[mike11111]

I wish to announce my retirement from this site. I have tried over the past few months to be ever so whimsical, but when askyourgran starts taking me seriously, it's time I saw a doctor. If my old buddy Answerprancer comes on, tell him that I am indisposed and lots of handbags from me. Bonsoir!

[NoMercy]

Bon soir, mon amí.

[cazzz1975]

see you on the morrow mike ;)

[mike11111]

You smooth-talking b*st*ds! No wonder you always score and I'm left to cry on my own.

[jaydah]

chavvish ladies are bints or ho's.

[mike11111]

Funnily enough, I typed the word "Lady" in here the other day, only to have it rpleace by "lady" LOL

[mike11111]

Don't believe this. LOL How can you get away with saying "bints" in the plural whilst I can't say "Lady" in the singular?