Why do I let him do this?

[strawberryblonde]

There is a man who I have been friends with for a few years he has a few problems in his life we talk about everything and seem to get really close he constantly texts but then when I let him in to my life he withdraws, this makes me depressed and fed up I convince myself its best to have nothing to do with him but then he starts the contact again and I cant say no. Any advice greatly appreciated

[cazzz1975]

you have to say no and mean it. when you feel weak, remind yourself of the many previous encounters that make you feel bad. if he was a good friend he would not abuse your friendship in this way.

[B00]

Hang on ,he's just a friend isn't he? Dont friends, sometimes, dip in and out of our lives?

If you want more from him, fair enough- tell the guy, until you do, you're just a friend who's around for his bad times, as mates usually are.

[cazzz1975]

I assumed (probably wrongly) that this was the guy you spoke about in a previous question

[madmaggot]

Seems to me he wants your friendship on his own terms but if things seem to be getting too hot for him he backs off. Why don't you ask him just what he wants from the relationship? Does this tally with where you would like the relationship to go? It's only a problem if you each want something different in which case you need to decide whether you want to carry on, on his terms, or what?

[B00]

oh, dunno about a previous post.

[Barmaid]

Sorry to be a bit dense strawberry, but what do you mean by "when I let him into my life he withdraws"?

And how does he withdraw?

[B00]

<sniggers>

Cheap innuendo time!

[Barmaid]

*slaps B00*

but I do appreciate my answer could have been better phrased.

[jd_1984]

Be careful that he isnt just off loading his problems so that he feels better - relationships and friendships are two way, you share each others problems and help each other through bad times. You cant just absorb negativity and be a shoulder to cry on for this guy. Ask him honestly what he wants and move on accordingly - best of luck!

[strawberryblonde]

Yes its the same man as before, I want more than friendship and he seems to, he is very flirty and seems to like me we spend hours chatting and I know all about his life he has now ended it with his girlfriend and is adamant he is not going back, something very major happened in his life and he cant get over this and seems to feel guilty aboujt being happy. Sat we had great night went out and he rang Sun but then nothing and I cant bring myself to ring or text him x

[Booldawg]

sounds like he's just playing you. Chews your ear off with his 'me me me' bit and doesn't want to know when its you that comes knocking. A-void.

[strawberryblonde]

I know u r all right its like when I dont have anything to do with him he plays a game and tries to get my attention but when he has it he doesnt really want it. I know he is not seeing anyone else as he spends all weekend around me and my friends x