Am i over-reacting??

[Leapers]

Hi people
I think i may be over-reacting slightly but i can't help the way i feel right now which is pretty much abandoned and let down by my boyfriend....anyway do you think i am over-reacting and should i say something? (sorry its long!)
Me and my boyfriend don't live together but i cook for him most nights as we don't see each other throughout the day so its nice to do something to spend time together etc, so these last couple of weeks i have been none stop revising for a total of 6 exams i have whereas he has only one which is gone now and i still have three to go so we decided to cook seperately so that i had more time with my work and everything which means i have hardly seen him so today i took the afternoon off to go and watch his team play football in the freezing cold (and i don't like football) and then when he got home i brought over all the ingredients as we had agreed to cook together and spend the evening catching up but then one of the other football guys tells him they are all going out to celebrate their win, so i bought the food, cooked for him, washed up everything and then he just leaves saying he will only be out an hour or so, then it turns into he'll come see me at half 11 after watching match of the day and then i just get a text saying they are going back to the pub so he won't come see me making an excuse of being best with all my exams!! I am stuck by myself all this time working hard and then take time out to try and make a nice evening and then he just changes his mind and heads out so i am back by myself! I just feel a bit letdown by the lack of support i am getting from him especially when i have made an effort! Am i over-reacting and should i say anything to him? Thanks

[ummmm]

Yes you are over reacting and No you shouldn't say anything to him.

It happens...people decide things at the last minute. You can't expect him to stay in because you have cooked.

[milly143]

I used to get this every now and then with my boyfriend. It would drive me insane so I don't think you are over reacting. Sometimes it seems they don't realise if they have made plans they should stick to them. So now, if I know he is going to pub and says he'll only be an hour, I make a point of saying ok, I'll see you tomorrow. If he shows up in an hour it's a bonus but there is no expectation on either side.

[Mamyalynne]

How long have you been a couple? This has a bearing on the issue, if you are only newly together it is quite a typical response (sorry guys) if a long standing relationship then it needs discussion and some guidelines out in place to balance things out.

You are right to feel fed up of course.

[ummmm]

Really though...they shouldn't be expected to give a time they will be home.

[flobadob]

This sounds like something I would do but I still love my wife. I can see your point now but I wouldn't if I was out drinking with my mates. Hope this helps.

[Prudie]

You seem quite young and he sems to be still a bit of a 'lad' so it's par for the course I'm afraid.

[Leapers]

We have been together a year and a half now and i know thats not really that long but it's not the first time he has changed his mind last minute and made new plans, to me if he has made proper plans with me he should stick to those plans this is the one night i had arranged to spend together and i don't mind him going out with whoever whenever i actually thinks its good for us to spend time apart! I don't even expect him to come and see me after with a time to be home sort of thing we have our seperate houses but i wish if he says he'll come and see me afterwards then he would rather than changing his plans which messes up mine! I just never know whether we are going to have plans or if he'll suddenly be doing something else instead!

[milly143]

Plus, he's got a whole football team of blokes tempting him to stay.

I'd make sure he knows he knows you're a bit upset without going over the top, it could be worth a nice little "sorry" present. :o)

[ummmm]

You need to use more fullstops...just to make it easier to read.

Why can't you go out with him?

[Andyvon]

It's not easy being young Leapers.

Your priority at the moment is to concentrate on your exams. Your boyfriend should realise that and respect that. He shouldn't be unsettling you like this and if he is then you should see him for what he is. He's not serious about you - he would rather be out with his mates and doesn't care that it's unsettling you and affecting your exam chances.

Knuckle down to your exams Leapers and forget the boyfriend. If he's serious he will do the chasing. He probably won't. When you do meet someone who is serious about you then you will suddenly realise how different they are and wonder why you ever bothered with this clown you are with at the moment.

[milly143]

Having met a couple of the lads footy teams around here Ummmm, it's very clear on a night out that 'wags' are not welcome. I don't blame them either really. I wouldn't want my bf there if I was out with a bunch of girls.

[ummmm]

Andy....he went to the pub to watch the football with his mates. There have been countless times when my OH's mates have popped in unexpected. Sometimes they go to the pub...

Should I dump him?

[ummmm]

I didn't re-read it. I was thinking he went to the pub to watch the football.

Still, it happens now and then. It probably always will unless you want to get with a bloke who doesn't like football....or doesn't drink...and various other things.

[ladybirder]

He's taking you for granted and using you as a doormat. Dump him. You can and will do better. Respect yourself and you will get respect in return.

[milly143]

I do find people over react on here quite often. It's only one night. Assuming he is a good boy normally, I don't really think that's grounds for ending a relationship.

[ummmm]

No, treating her badly would be doing something like this every week. Relationships are give and take...

[Leapers]

I don't think it is quite extreme enough to dump him over as when we are together its wonderful, although every now and again its a rough patch and i know there is always the tougher times but he has just really annoyed me this time! I want to say something to him so he gets the hint but i doubt much would change after a week of trying to make up for it, that and i have another week of revison and exams to be doing so i won't see him much if at all anyway!
thanks for your help though!

[Leapers]

Also sorry about the lack of full stops and puctuation! You can tell i am not an English student!

[sophie_1003]

If it starts happening lots just stop cooking for him and make your own plans; will make you feel much better and he'll probably be more willing to make an effort if he knows you're not going to be hanging around for him all the time.

[ummmm]

Leapers....after you've been living together for a while you'll sigh a sigh of relief when he goes out at the last minute.