Dilemma

[yummy]

I met my dream man 4 years ago, and we got engaged last year. We are hoping to get married next year. Anyway, we both love kids and often talk of our own. The thing is, his elder sister has been trying for a baby for about 10 years without luck. I never gave it much thought until we were both speaking about his brother, who is also trying (with his wife of course) and he isn't having any luck either. Although the brother hasn't been trying for as long, i'm just a little concerned that it may be a family thing? I want to talk to my fiance about this, but don't know how to bring it up! It wont make a difference to my decision of marrying him, but I need to know if their is a hereditary problem concerning having babies. Maybe he doesn't know or hasn't thought much about it, but I want us to speak of it at least. How would you go about this? Oh, his brother does have one child aged 5. Thanks all.

[andy hughes]

This needs a little delicate handling. When the subject of families comes up, you could mention the lack of conception in your future in-laws, and casually ask if anyone has had any tests. Depending on your faince's response, you may be able to guage if there is a potential problem he has inherited. If so, again gently suggest that you both (takes the pressure off him) have tests for fertility, and see how he reacts. Then you can take it from thre. Good luck, hope all is OK for you.

[becks]

I don't think you should make it an issue unless it is an issue - you don't even know whether it is a family thing, and even then whether your fiance is affected.

The fact that his brother has a child suggests that there isn't a problem, unless this child took 20 years to conceive or was conceived using IVF or something.

Personally, if this was me, i'd rather wait and see, stress can do a lot to your chances of conception, and putting pressure on your abilities BEFORE you've even started trying for a baby will make things worse. When my friend got pregnant she was told by the doctor that are really only two days that you can fall pregnant, and then if you've been on the pill for years it can make it more tricky.

The fact also that it's his brother and sister also says to me that it shouldn't be a family thing - the bits work in different ways and you don't know whether it's down to their spouses, your partner's mum and dad managed to have three kids by the sound of it so the hereditary idea is slightly flawed there.

While you may be concerned, everyone is different and your man may not appreciate you questioning his fertility (it's a male pride thing) when you don't even know there's anything wrong with it!

Have fun trying, don't put pressure on it and wait and see, good luck, and have a great wedding as well, and congratulations on finding your dream man.

[KittyGlitter]

You could try talking about this in a non-confrontational way and gently question him about the reasons, if known, for these two couples not being able to conceive. The fact that your fiance talks about wanting children, sounds as though he doesn't know of any reason that he wouldn't be able to produce any. I guess no one can ever be 100% sure whether they'll be able to conceive until they start trying. If you need to know sooner rather than later if there are any known reasons why your fiance wouldn't be able to produce children, then you will have chat to him for your own peace of mind.

[yummy]

Thank you all so much! Really helpful advice, i'm going to casually bring the subject up as Andy suggested. You're right Becks and Kitty, I shouldn't stress!

Yummy.

[Gevs1966]

I wouldn't worry about it. From what you say he has at least two sibling which would mean a family tie to infertility being fairly unlikely due to the parents having at least three children. Also these things are very very rarely cross gender ie affecting both a brother and sister of the same family, due to the obvious differences in the reproductive make up of the two sexes. If there was a genetic defect it would generally be concentrated to one gender.

 

Other than that I agree with the above.

 

Hope things work out ok for you.