Question for elderly (non-widowed) single people here

[JonnyBoy12]

I have been told by my friend that all old people who are not married, are single by their own choice. This seems to be a very broad and optimistic observation, and I would like a second opinion on this.

Are there any elderly single persons here, and do you mind my asking if that is your own choice? I can not think for a minute that everyone has found the right person in life. We are constantly told that "there is someone out there for everybody", but might I ask where?

Thanks in advance for your ever helpful answers.

[Rodge2]

I am not elderly but I think it highly unlikely that elderly people who are single have all made this life choice. One of the many problems of old age is loneliness, surely? So I would think many elderly people would wish for a compatible partner even if it was only for companionship.

[carmalee]

sorry to disagree Rodge2 but I have chosen to live alone for the last 18 years - have had a proposal of marriage from my long term partner (15 years younger than me) but have chosen to decline

[tastymorsel]

I thought that I had met my "life partner" thirty years ago.He was my soulmate.However he betrayed me in the worst possible way and I am now on my own.I can honestly say that now the dust has settled I am more than happy to stay that way.I don't need a man to fulfil my life.I am happy with my own company and I have friends and family nearby.My life has never been better and I have no intention of changing it.

[nannybooby]

i agree with carmalee - I have two pals who are solo - both by choice - one who has been married twice and one who hasn't been married but had partners both tell me that they dont want a man in their life anymore as they have plenty of friends and can do without the hassle. Don't see it myself I love my hubby and wouldnt be without him.

some people are better as part of a pair and some are happy on their own

[Rodge2]

Gosh...you are all depressing me! :) I do agree that some people may be alone by choice, but surely not all people, like JonnyBoy's friend claims?

[pastafreak]

I too have been married twice.While at times it would be nice to have a partner,at the moment I am fairly content on my own. I can do what I want,when I want. I do miss companionship sometimes,but I am not as trusting of people as I was when younger,

[emmie]

No thats nonsense, many may have had relationships that ended, by death of the partner who they were not married to, or didn't get married for family reasons, as in looking after their elderly parents, and by the time the parents passed away, maybe they consider its too late.
Elderly live on their own for endless reasons, but i doubt many would really want it to always be that way, otherwise why do we look for a partner, even in older age, get married again, after a divorce.

[pastafreak]

Rodge2-if a) you have been disappointed by previous marriages, or b) you have lost the love of your life, - then going into another relationship may not be so appealing. Also - maturity and experience shows you that life on your own is not all that bad.

[emmie]

Look at many elderly who have no family, no ties, and end in care homes, they may make friends, but at the end of the day, we are all part of the human race, and need company, loneliness is a killer, you can be alone in a relationship i do know, but i would not choose to be alone for good, it may turn out that way, but i hope it doesn't, lost one good man, but you know i wouldn't mind finding another one to keep me company.

[carmalee]

fao em -<<<Elderly live on their own for endless reasons, but i doubt many would really want it to always be that way>>> agree with assumption that many elderly (and qualify elderly) find themselves in that position - I was relatively 'middle aged' (define please) when I made that decision.

[Rodge2]

I suppose your attitude to it depends on your previous experience. Look at Paul McCartney - his first marriage was really good, so that set him up for a fall in his second when he was too trusting - no pre-nup - and married to the errr...wrong person! If you had a bad experience first time round or second you will be less willing to get into that situation again and prefer to be alone but if someone could promise you that it would be really good, wouldn't most people want a companion?

[carmalee]

and Rodge2 - why am I depressing you - people can be very, very happy outside your definition of happiness - meant in the nicest way btw

[carmalee]

also going back to the original post - <<<Elderly live on their own for endless reasons, but i doubt many would really want it to always be that way,>>> it would be interesting to know what this assumption is based upon

[Rodge2]

Just joking carmalee. I don't in fact think that anyone needs a partner to achieve happiness - not at all. But I do think most people want companionship, and I think if your partner is the right person that can make things easier especially if you're elderly and maybe suffering reduced mobility and not getting out and about as much.

[Ric.ror]

The happiest people are single women and married men
Make of that what you will

[tastymorsel]

Bang to rights there ric :-)

[carmalee]

oohh ric.ror - can't agree with that

[emmie]

But most of you have had relationships, many long term, so you must have thought it would last, until it went pear shaped, or the man passed away, but that's just relationships. Perhaps the questions too black and white. I know many women and men for that matter in their later years, who look for love, kindness, and companionship, and some who don't look, because they have been so hurt in the past, they have gone into themselves, and believe that all relationships will end that way.
Others may choose a single life because generally being in a relationship is one of compromise, and maybe some dont want to do that any more.

[tastymorsel]

Also bang to rights em.Couldn't have put it better myself