I don't trust my boyfriend

[Eli79]

Ive been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. We live together and we get on great. Sex life is great and we rarely ever argue.
I've had issues in the past with ex Boyfs cheating on me. So I do have some trust issues. But recently I was starting to really trust him.
I noticed a message came up on his phone from a girl he used to sleep with b4 me. He promised me he didn't speak to her anymore so I was a bit curious about it.
So I had to look at the msg. To my horror he has been txting her for months. And recently dirty txting.
We had a huge argument about it all. And he nearly moved out.
He promised me he made a mistake and he loves me and wants to be with me. So we are trying to work thro it. I really love him but my trust in him is totally shattered. He is a good looking guy and gets lots of attention at the best of time.
My confidence is down the drain now. And I don't no how to feel better about all this.
Should I trust him? Will he do it again? I just don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

[ummmm]

I wouldn't stay with someone I didn't trust.

But he should be able to talk to who he wants and not have to make promises not to.

If he's doing this when your relationship is good how do you think he'll be if it hits a rocky patch.

[grasscarp]

You will have to give him a chance or you will drive him away. Afraid to say that men are easy target for Interested women. And if you hook yourself a good looking man it comes with the package.

[Sqad]

It's what the majority of men do........have a bit of spare when necessary.

You have had experiences of this sort of thing in the best.......so deal with it.

[ummmm]

Don't listen to Sqad. It's what 'some' men do. It's what 'some' women do.

[sunflower68]

Hmmm I wouldn't trust him either to be honest but as you are in a living together relationship you may have to give him some kind of ultimatum and ask him where his future lies and if it is you he really wants to be with long term. Sorry Eli but trust is a major part of a stable relationship. God I sound old lol

[Eli79]

We both agreed not to speak to past flings just to make it easier all round. Which I don't think it's unreasonable.
I no trust is a massive part of our relationship. That's why I wanna get it back. He says he sees us having a future and getting married and having kids.

[Jayne-123]

Sorry but this guy is a player and has no respect for you or your feelings. I wouldn't trust him at all and yes love he will do this again and again, he will never make you happy, get rid of him and build up your self esteem, no guy is worth this and you deserve better.

[lankeela]

Your lack of trust will drive him away. Why are some women so hell bent on destroying their relationships for something that may or may not have happened? Ok so it did, but it might not have, but you checking up is sure to make him question your trust in him.

[pa___ul3]

firstly, don't listen to sqad, he tries to remove any guilt from being a man-ho himself by suggesting everyone does it!
Secondly, see how it goes, if he's admitted he was in the wrong and wants to fix it then give him a chance to, judge him by how he is now, make sure he knows you need him to be completely honest with you and open and that this has affected your trust in him, as is to be expected, but you're willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has a lot of making up to do.

[ummmm]

<We both agreed not to speak to past flings just to make it easier all round.>

Maybe that's not the case any more. I'm still mates with some of my ex's. My OH wouldn't dream of suggesting I didn't speak to them. He wouldn't dream of going through my phone either for anything other than looking for a number.

Maybe he felt pressured to agree....as he was texting her in secret he was being naughty anyway.

[pa___ul3]

to be honest ummm, my lass asked me not to speak to my exes, who I used to chat to from time to time, because it made her feel uncomfortable. It's not something I agreed with and put it down to her age and her ex being a bit of a div, but I go with it because I'd rather keep her happy than my exes. She admits it's a bit irrational but that's the way it is.
It seems like Eli is admitting that she is a bit irrational in some things but it's not unreasonable to want her boyfriend to play along, after all, women are unreasonable.. but they have boobs.. so we deal with it! ;)

[ummmm]

If you don't mind then it's not a problem. Plus....she's really good looking as well.

Maybe it's because I've known my OH for too long.

[Sqad]

//pa___ula
firstly, don't listen to sqad, he tries to remove any guilt from being a man-ho himself by suggesting everyone does it! ///

If you are going to quote me, then don't misquote me.

/////t's what the majority of men do.///

That is what i actually said.

[pa___ul3]

very true ummm!! :)
sqad, interesting that that's the only part of what I said you disagree with! ha! I still disagree, I don't think most men do, not amongst my mates anyway, who, I'm guessing, are closer to Eli79's age. Some do yeah, but I wouldn't say most and certainly not to a woman who's having a few issues with trusting her fella!

[Sqad]

Are,so you do agree that you misquoted me....thanks.

Now would you agree that more than 50% could be described as MOST?

You "assume" that your group of male friends are representative of males in general.

[ummmm]

I think Pauls last sentence says it all Sqad.

[Sqad]

ummmm....do you?

[237SJ]

This story reminds me of one of my best friends` experience. She met someone and he moved in. After 6 months she found out he had been chatting women up online and they nearly split up over it. She said at the time "we stayed together though, because I knew we had something worth saving". They got married. Two years later he walked out. Obviously they didn`t have something worth saving after all. If someone is messing about texting or chatting up other women at the beginning of a relationship it doesn`t bode well for the future, does it?

[puma86]

pa__ul3 - some of your answers do make me chuckle

[pa___ul3]

sqad, I didn't quote you exactly but I admit I was wrong to suggest you meant all men when you said most.
I would consider all the men I know to be a decent reflection of males in general, of course, we can only go by what we know, I know some dirty sods who'll dive in anything, I know some lads who've had drunken flings and got away with it, I know lads who've had them and regretted, I know men who couldn't cheat no matter how hard they tried and I know men who just don't because they have morals and I'll comfortably stand by my statement that the majority of men don't actively seek other women to have on the side and the majority of men don't have women on the side.
I'd say the majority would have women they'll regularly flirt with, that they'll get attention from to keep their ego going, just as I reckon the majority of women do, but most people have the capacity to control themselves (which is why alcohol is often the game changer).