Dating Site - genuine people?

[liquidspace]

My question is kind of along these lines: if someone is on a dating site and is pretending to be someone or something they are not what are they actually getting out of it?

I have been exchanging mails with a man who is an italian businessman, an engineer who travels the world. Bottom line is that he wants to buy me presents, says he has fallen for me and basically he seems too good to be true in the things he says to me. He says he is a widow and that I now have his heart etc.

Im dubious until I actually meet him. What would be the point of someone pretending to be someone or something they are not? Surely after I've met him I will know whether he is genuine or not?

[cazzz1975]

he may be an asylum seeker lodging in bermondsey for all you know.

[liquidspace]

Actually no it cant be the british passport thing as he lives in Birmingham!! Just remembered doh!

[cazzz1975]

people who are rich rarely brag about it

[ummmm]

He might not be a scammer....

People straight away said if he asks for money....you straight away said that it's the other way round because he's offering to buy 'you' things. First step in gaining your confidence.

When someone showers you with gifts....pretends to have a certain lifestyle...you get sucked in by it. You don't need cash in the bank to be scammed. A credit rating would do...

[cazzz1975]

he might not be legally in this country, you have to consider all avenues in this.

[liquidspace]

I dont think I will get sucked in, im clearly apprehensive hence asking the question here. If I have nothing to give and no credit rating, I meet him and he gives me gifts what is there to actually lose? Isn't it strange how we are all no doubtful of people, it's a shame that we all have to be, myself included.

[cazzz1975]

I would still not accept the free stuff, it wouldnt sit well with me but to each their own, good that you have a healthy scepticism enough to not be duped.

[ummmm]

Gifts? After talking to a complete stranger for 3 weeks?

[pa___ul3]

he may be just insecure and trying to buy your affection because he feels he needs to. Maybe you're just the first person he's decided he really likes and it's been so long since he's felt he wanted to carry things on he's forgotten how the normal way to do it is. There could be 101 reasons, 80 of them could be dodgy by 21 could be honest.
If you're getting what you want from the current situation don't let paranoia ruin it for you, just keep on what you're doing just keep your wits about you... pretty much as you would with any new relationship!

[notasyoungasiwas]

Personally, I'd run for the hills !

[jackthehat]

Anyone who has ever been 'sucked in' will have been busy assuring their nearest and dearest that they are canny enough not to get 'sucked in' right up to and beyond the point where all other reasonable people would say they have been well and truly 'sucked in'.

These scammers have a deep enough understanding of human psychology to know exactly how to go about ensnaring their target......it is their profession; how they make their lucrative income and they work hard at it.

Buying *you* something (an outlay of a couple of hundred quid....if not stolen) is likely to make you lower your guard as to your natural suspicions. Then he'll 'forget' his wallet, need money to cover his rent, or mortgage, a close relative will fall desperately ill and he'll need money to travel....and naturally he'll only be in this position because of an error/oversight by his bank or a.n. other financial institution.

[mccfluff]

seems odd to me, three weeks is to soon

not that im suspicious but did you check the time diff when he called you from malaysia

[snags]

After three weeks chatting via email ''he wants to buy me presents, says he has fallen for me and that I now have his heart''.

Psychopath.

[Old_Geezer]

You can not tell. He says he is rich and travels the world, do you have proof ? Just because he lives in Birmingham doesn't mean he doesn't need a passport.

Precede with caution. It may be he just builds up a picture to attract a mate, and then hopes the possible partner has so much emotion invested when they meet a little 'coming clean' doesn't spoil it. Or it may be something more sinister. Take care.

[cazzz1975]

I live in birmingham, do you want me to rough him up? ;)

[emmie]

what they can get out of it, as been proved endless times is money, there are any number of ruthless con men and women i might add, who will rook you with tales of woe, if you let someone get close, make sure that you do not hand over any money. If you really aren't sure don't meet up, that old maxim if it's too good to be true, it usually is.

[ichkeria]

My wife goes on dating sites pretending to be a man, just to taunt some of the foreign ladies who subscribe to them :-)

[Old_Geezer]

Hate to see your missus' photo then !

[Khandro]

If he's what he says he is, - rich and travelling the world, why does he need to go on a website to find someone who he doesn't know to shower with presents and declare his love to after three weeks. Please; grow up!

[mccfluff]

well maybe being so rich and travelling so much he doesn;t have time to meet people which is why he's going on dating sites, don't be nasty Khandro