Feeling so unbelievely miserable.

[ChocolatChip]

I apologise ahead of this post, as I'm going to be a right whinger. Particularly when you consider that I should be happy, as I have a lot of stuff going for me.
I have had problems with my breathing for as long as I can remember. I can never breath as fully as I feel like I should be able to, and I am constantly bring up phlegm everyday. I always feel tired, despite trying to get enough exercise (I just end up dizzy and feel like I'm going to pass out). I have gone to the doctors so many times, with the 'diagnosis' of asthma before they'd bothered to consult an asthma nurse. Eventually I saw one, and was on medication for a few months, to which I never improved. But the doctors seem to refuse to consider another option.

I'm at university at the moment, studying a topic that I don't really enjoy. But I am unsure if that is the case or if it is because I'm struggling with the work. I have no motivation and I am certain that I will fail, or come out with a low end degree that will get me nowhere. But too afraid to leave for appearing a failure or regretting it in the future. I've given up a job I really enjoyed in order to concentrate on university work.

I have a house and a husband, which means I feel like I need to be doing housework all the time. My husband works really hard so I don't have to work, which makes me feel awfully guilty. And whatsmore I have been diagnosed with vaginismus, and haven't had sex with my husband in almost a year, we're going through couples therapy in order to try and sort it, but I feel guilty and un-woman-like for being unable to do things for my husband.

To top it off, we have a nightmare pooch who misbehaves all the time, stealing things etc, and he just bit me :(
Sorry its so long, but I just need to rant a bit, as I don't feel like I can explain all this to anyone at the moment. As I'm struggling to find anyone who understands. My family and friends think I should just get on with university that I'm bright and that I can do it.

I've had therapy and CBT which has helped me a lot, especially for anxiety, but at the moment the sadness I'm suffering is unbearable. When the dog bit me, I think I got a bit of panic/adrenline, walked up to the medicine cabinet and thought about taking them, I'm just tired.
Thank you.

[cazzz1975]

you sound like you have too much on your plate at the moment. I am curious to know why you chose a topic you dont enjoy, what are you hoping to do after uni?

[ChocolatChip]

I study Psychology, I have wanted to go into it since I was about 15 (21 now.) But I've found it extremely hard, and as I said in my post I am unsure if I'm unhappy with the course because I'm struggling with the work or if it's the other way round. I'm guessing its the other way round, as if I was to leave or do something else I'd still want to do something similar. But how I feel about it right now is a real killer on motivation.

[ChocolatChip]

Sorry, I didn't mean the other way round, I mean probably because I'm struggling with the workload.

[missprim]

So sorry you are feeling like this it sounds like you are suffering from depression.You have such a lot of things going on at the moment it only takes a small thing like the dog biting you for you to probably think, 'right that's it, I've had enough'!
Lots of people suffer from SAD at this time of the year and also just because Christmas is approaching can make many people feel life is just too much to bear.
Please see your GP and tell him how you feel.Is there more than 1 GP at the practise perhaps a lady GP as I always find them more symathic and understanding of peronal problems.
Good luck to you and please try to remember what you learnt at CBT it can be really helpful sometimes.x

[ummmm]

I don't think it sounds like depression. It's sounds like too much for your brain to handle at the moment. Work through the problems one by one.

You really need to get your breathing sorted. If you can insist face to face then maybe you should write a letter of complaint...

Stop feeling guilty about your husband supporting you....he will benefit from you having a degree in the long run.

Take your dog to training lessons...

Then see how you cope with your workload...

[cazzz1975]

you sound like you have too much to think about to be able to concentrate on your work. you need to simplify your days a bit more, do some regular exercise (go for a long walk with the dog and have a play) this will do your anxiety a power of good.
you can always do other sexual things for your husband without having sex if you know what I mean.

I would imagine a mix of having too much to do and feeling guilty about your relationship is what is making you feel so anxious.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks missprim, yes I thought I may be. I have been diagnosed in the past, been in and out of therapy, normally feel better for a couple of months and then go downhill rapidly. I can never understand why. I've tried many anti-depressants, but they tended to make me worse or the physical side effects were unbearable. I desperately don't want to go through it again.

[ChocolatChip]

Thank you all,
I do take in regular exercise, as you say mostly walking the dog. And at the moment due to the therapy I am unable to do anything at all for my husband. Until we progress in the programme. But I know my husbands having a really hard time without having anything from me at all.
I have been trying to get an appointment for weeks from my doctors about my breathing, but the receptionists are dragons, and I can never get an appointment. And I do intend to write a letter of complaint when they actually come up with some kind of diagnosis.
I agree with you though, my brain can barely concentrate on work when I'm coughing constantly and feeling tired, trying to get in for university, looking after a house and dog. And trying to stop him from eating my house!

[ummmm]

Can you change doctors?

[ChocolatChip]

Yes, I do need to in all honesty as I've moved from the area. I just haven't told them yet...

[cazzz1975]

im not liking the sound of couples therapy...

[missprim]

I understand, I really do but you are so young to have all this thrust upon you and you probably know by the therapy you've had in the past that at the end of the day it is down to you. You can listen to advice and that may help but no-one can come along with a magic wand and make everything right, that I'm afraid is down to you. Make a list of all the things that are bothering you starting with the one that bothers you the least and sort it. When you have done that you go to the next item on your list and so on. Is your husband able to share your problems with you? It isn't easy I know and I hope you don't think I seem harsh but I found out sometime ago that when ever I have a problem I have to deal with it the best way I can. Don't let all this get on top of you. Make a start tomorrow.Lots of hugs coming your way x

[ChocolatChip]

Troll maybe vallaw? Don't worry, I know every word I've said is the truth.

Cazz, what bit about the couples therapy are you not keen on? My husband and I are very happy together and love each other dearly, unfortunately I have this sexual problem which we are trying to fix. Or is it just the idea of no sexual acts whatsoever?

[cazzz1975]

I think its the fact that your husband is having a difficult time and you are unable to do anything until you progress in the programme, it seems a little unnecessary to me, but I appreciate I dont know the whole story.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks missprim, no it's not harsh at all! I 100% understand that it is up to me to make the changes. But at the moment it's just so impossibly hard to make those first steps.
Well, thats not true actually. I know that I have made the first steps as I went to my tutors and told them how I was feeling, and I'm seeing a careers advisor to try and understand whats wrong and where I want to go with my career in the future.
I think it's difficult because I've got all these deadlines so even if I make a list, those have to come first.

[bednobs]

have to agree a little bit with cazz - you cant give him a bj or use your hands till you've progressed in the programme? how long is that going to take?

[Eve]

How about rather than focussing on what is wrong and not right and too much how about sitting down and writing a list of what could help. Then revisit it and maybe prioritise and come up with practical ideas as to how you can achieve the help that you need. Don't try and do everything at once but maybe come up with a feasible plan you can work through to feel a bit more on control and positive that you are taking steps to make things better.

Have a chat with your tutor at uni and discuss options, for example, could you convert to a part time course to give yourself more time generally?

Could you do some therapy on your own to concentrate on getting you better rather than just focussing on what it feels you should be like as a couple?

If your uni commitments are reduced, could you get a part time job you enjoy where you could feel like you are contributing more and maybe finding something a bit more enjoyable than just your course and homelife?

[ChocolatChip]

I'd like to point out that I said I haven't had sex in almost a year. And my post about children was in feb.
Secondly, I have had these problems for a couple of years but put up with the pain because I thought there was nothing I could do.
Troll.