News0 min ago
probably a silly question but here goes.
54 Answers
Is it normal for the woman of the house to do the lion's share of the work around the house.
i've lived with 3 partners and although they have been different personalities types it always seems to be the same set up once we've moved in together. Namely me feeling overwhelmed with the chores I have to do for me ,my partner and my son.I'm in my 40's now and i'm proper hacked off with it now. I've always worked and so have my partners but it seems to fall on me to look after a lot of the house chores as well...with very little help.
I try to cut my current bf some slack because he does do a very physical job but my patience really runs thin when after work i'm trying to get tea for my son,fix us some food, get school bags ready for the next day,washing up, putting bins out.etc,etc!!! aaargh.
insult to injury is that i know my bf was very particular in his house.. up at the crack of dawn at weekends washing bedsheets etc,his house was immaculate but that has all stopped now he's living in my place and i feel like the flipping maid once again!!!!
it's probably added stress of christmas preparations but i feel so fed up right now and i keep thinking that i would be better off livng on my own again (with my son )and i can't shake the feeling off. :O( :O(
i've lived with 3 partners and although they have been different personalities types it always seems to be the same set up once we've moved in together. Namely me feeling overwhelmed with the chores I have to do for me ,my partner and my son.I'm in my 40's now and i'm proper hacked off with it now. I've always worked and so have my partners but it seems to fall on me to look after a lot of the house chores as well...with very little help.
I try to cut my current bf some slack because he does do a very physical job but my patience really runs thin when after work i'm trying to get tea for my son,fix us some food, get school bags ready for the next day,washing up, putting bins out.etc,etc!!! aaargh.
insult to injury is that i know my bf was very particular in his house.. up at the crack of dawn at weekends washing bedsheets etc,his house was immaculate but that has all stopped now he's living in my place and i feel like the flipping maid once again!!!!
it's probably added stress of christmas preparations but i feel so fed up right now and i keep thinking that i would be better off livng on my own again (with my son )and i can't shake the feeling off. :O( :O(
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my bloke is brilliant around the house, he will often get up earlier than me at the weekend, so he hoovers, tidies etc. There are some jobs he wont do and I always do, like toilets, bathroom and dusting. I usually cook the tea, but on occasions if I'm working late he will have it ready for when I get home. Most of the time I do the pack up. He does wasing up more than me and puts the washing out.
what happens if you don't do those things? You have to eat, OK, you have to look after your son - but you don't have to empty bins or iron - I choose not too. Leave 'em, stop being the maidservant, you're not setting a good example for your lad and you're just letting your chap get away with it. My house is occasionally a bit like Chris's - I don't mind, it's lived in.
Crikey Chris sounds a bit like Mr Trebus :)
We've always mucked in .Both always worked and brought a family up.Retired now though .
The old chap doesn't do bathroom and toilet cleaning though or ironing. He would I suppose if I was desperate but he wouldn't do it to my standard :)
He's not much of a cook either unless it involves toast and a frying pan :)
So he'll cook the breakfast and is happy to make me endless cups of tea .
He'll vacuum ,he always sees to the bins and most importantly he controls the finances which I would be useless at. He does dishwasher duty .
He used to mow the lawn and clean the windows but now he's not been in the best of health we have a gardener and window cleaner .
We just jog along ..I can quite honestly say we've never disagreed about who does what or even discussed it .
We've always mucked in .Both always worked and brought a family up.Retired now though .
The old chap doesn't do bathroom and toilet cleaning though or ironing. He would I suppose if I was desperate but he wouldn't do it to my standard :)
He's not much of a cook either unless it involves toast and a frying pan :)
So he'll cook the breakfast and is happy to make me endless cups of tea .
He'll vacuum ,he always sees to the bins and most importantly he controls the finances which I would be useless at. He does dishwasher duty .
He used to mow the lawn and clean the windows but now he's not been in the best of health we have a gardener and window cleaner .
We just jog along ..I can quite honestly say we've never disagreed about who does what or even discussed it .
maybe he thinks you prefer it? and maybe if you just do everything you are not giving him chance to do it...
are you perhaps a bit over the top with it? cleaning every 5 minutes? scrubbing everything daily etc? some people have different levels of when stuff needs doing... im happy to leave dishes unwashed for days - my boyfriend cant wait even a few hours most of the time...he hoovers every day, i do it about once every month or so...
you have to find the middle ground....
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as said, you have to just speak to him, say you want it more equal - you are not his maid, but partner...
are you perhaps a bit over the top with it? cleaning every 5 minutes? scrubbing everything daily etc? some people have different levels of when stuff needs doing... im happy to leave dishes unwashed for days - my boyfriend cant wait even a few hours most of the time...he hoovers every day, i do it about once every month or so...
you have to find the middle ground....
-
as said, you have to just speak to him, say you want it more equal - you are not his maid, but partner...
We share the load, but we each have jobs that we prefer to do, I do shopping cooking, the four "bs" (bathrooms, basins, bogs and bowls) and 1/2 of the hoovering (not too often mind) whilst she does washing, ironing, dusting, tidying, and mending.
It does occur to me that in some households I know, the woman can get very authoritative about how they want the chore to be done, which can be distinctly off-putting for those males who are just getting used to the idea of what equality means. By all means have the chat, but be encouraging when he starts to do things.....rather than be like Matron!
It does occur to me that in some households I know, the woman can get very authoritative about how they want the chore to be done, which can be distinctly off-putting for those males who are just getting used to the idea of what equality means. By all means have the chat, but be encouraging when he starts to do things.....rather than be like Matron!
a belated thankyou for all your answers. maybe it is my behaviour that causes this reluctance to help. we have quite a small / not very well set out kitchen which may not help.(new years resolution is a new improved kitchen anyway). we have been living together for a yr now so more than time to sort out chores a bit more evenly i think. thanks again.
