Advise needed

[lisa_p76]

Hello all,

well i have been married for 7 years and my husband moved out before Christmas i told him to leave the final straw was he told me he hasnt been in love with me for ages.

I feel so hurt and angry and i know he doesnt deserve my love after everything he has put me through. Here is a short list, cheated on me with a woman, talking on internet to women, joined dating website, angry issues threw our dog by the throat which i then got rehomed and it broke my childrens hearts but i had to do what is best for our dog.

I then found out 6 months ago he is bisexual i tried to be a supportive wife when he told me he had been clearing the history on the computer i also held his hand as he told his mum and explored that side to his sexuality, toys, porn etc.... i didnt want a failed marriage and still loved him even though i was angry at the fact he had lied to me for all that time.

He ended up having sex with a man when we spilt up for a short spell but i forgave him and still wanted this to work.

But this time he has gone i am a mess cant eat sleep and losing weight fast i love him but then i think why, he has taken advantage of my feelings for him and phoned me drunk wanting a friendly voice and telling me he loves me, now he is saying he wants a divorce and is seeing a married woman and she is going to leave her husband for him.

I dont know how to deal with all this, i feel angry, hurt, a longing for this to be untrue and to go back to how it was, disbelief this is real, most of all after all this why and how could i still love him but i do.

[murraymints]

Ankou I love and respect you my friend but...let's not beat about the bush..this girl needs to consider herself and her own safety and move on ...with our encouragement...

[Ankou]

of course. we know it, she knows it. more often easier said than done.

[murraymints]

yes I know but Lisa..we are ALL here for you...xxx

[brenda]

Lisa-- you are having a very bad time at the moment and must be very confused.

The main thing as I see it is to protect yourself and the children in everyway you can.

Change all phone numbers as suggested, change the locks to your property.

Contact the C AB with regard to the position of the children , get the facts first before you do anything.
Inform the schools of the children to put them in the picture.
Get an interview with a solicitor to formalise things , claim maintenance and so on.
What is your financial position --are you eligible for any help with things .

[lisa_p76]

Thank you everyone, made me cry how supportive you all are. Your all right i just need to accept its over. Your right i do know it is, its just hard and i never thought i would be in this position again. Thank you.

[lisa_p76]

Hello Brenda

Not entilited to any help just over by a few pounds for legal aid, if i go ahead with the divorce i need to pay £340 and he wont pay half which is alot of money

[murraymints]

Lisa love..I have been through this...twice...you feel battered, bruised and a failure...YOU ARE NOT... to know you deserve better and your kids is a strength.. PLEASE COME ON HERE WHEN YOU FEEL WEAK....

[lisa_p76]

Thank you Murraymints, it means alot right now.

[murraymints]

LOSE SOME from your accounts !!

[lisa_p76]

I just wanted to let you all know i have changed my number and blocked his email address from send emails.

I was told today that this was an abusive relationship, so i am asking you lot what you think?? Have i made a big mistake and got into another abusive relationship? I thought because he didnt hit me he was better than my first husband?

[cathfromsaron]

(((hugs)))

can you get to women's aid? i know you have not been physically injured, but they help all women who wish to free themselves in that way!

i recommend the 12 step programme they run x

[lisa_p76]

So why didnt i see this as an abusive relationship? i thought i would after my first husband.

[VHG]

Unfortunately some women do have a trend of going with the "wrong men".

Some women mistake control for affection. A man can still love you without control (and physical or mental abuse is a form of control).

I have heard of some women saying that if he hits me he must care about me, which is totally wrong.

I hope you can come through this and find a man who is right for you. There is probably one out there.

[lisa_p76]

VHG, i thought he was the right one because he didnt hit me, i now know i need to work on myself because that way of thinking is not right at all.

I am angry at myself for getting into this cycle again.

[cathfromsaron]

surely 'threw our dog' is the correct spelling of the past tense and should not be picked on ...

hope you take the advice NOT to go back!

[lisa_p76]

I am not going back, dont get me wrong i am lonely but i havent deserved any of that has happened. I was loyal, faithful and loving and gave him everything and if someone can treat me like that is not worth it. But i know today i am feel ok about the situation but tomorrow i need to be strong and not let the loneliness win and the habit

[bloaterbum]

My heart goes out to you .It is not easy and just what you want to hear but my feelings are you would be better rid of this man .It can only get easier in the long run