boy trouble!

[monodge]

hi!met a guy in January.have been in contact every few days since.90% of the time because he contacts me 1st.( i never make the 1st move!)

we get on REALLY well but he has 9month old baby from a relationship that ended 1year ago.(he ended it).we're both 23.

naturally enough it looked like we'd start to go out when i finished uni & moved home but 1 night recently we were out&he said he can't commit & that he doesn't want a relationship at the moment because it's too soon after the end of his last relationship,his baby is his priority & that he really doesn't want to hurt me because he has too much respect for me.

i COMPLETELY understand this &would not want a relationship as i think he would be a very insecure person if he did! the "arrangement"now is that we see each other but can be with others too.ideal!now, I'M clear on where we stand but i'm not sure he is as some comments he makes don't seem to add up AT ALL with what was agreed about not goin out etc.today i mentioned how i had to go to an uncle's wedding Sunday night.i didnt make it sound at all like i was inviting him but he replied saying he was very very disappointed he hadnt been invited(jokingly... apparently!)i said  hes welcome to come if he wants.(i'm very easy-going!)he said that i only want to bring him so i can show him off(!)& that if he was to go, what would he wear etc!!i dont know WHAT to make of him!i dont understand why he'd think i SHOULD invite him as we're not going out!all my aunties will assume he's my boyfriend!cringe!does anyone else think this hes weird??!does he just want it both ways??!i dont want to not see him again and he feels the same.

[Grunty]

It's only a guess, but I think he was hurt in the relationship that ended.  He's been through "No more women, ever" and now he's met someone else special (you).  He is not ready to give himself completely just yet, in case he gets hurt again.  He also is worried that if this relationship with you is on the rebound, you might be hurt if it doesn't work out.  His main fear is that you might not love him as much as he loves you.  (I did say it was a guess, so don't bank on what I say).

He is trying to cover his fears and doubts with humour.  In his case, he has a sense of humour that many people describe as weird, but those of us who are inflicted with it don't see it that way.  There may also be shyness which he is trying to conceal in the same way.  He may find it difficult to ask you things, perhaps because of a low self-esteem.  Show him you care, and give him time.  Have I been there?  You bet!

[monodge]

gosh!it seems to me you've pretty much hit the nail on the head!

i dont know the ex-girlfriend but i heard things about her which puzzels me about HIM & why he was ever with her for so long.apparently she falls out with good friends regularly-that says more about her than anything else, in my opinion. another thing is, i know a few of his other ex's (he gets around!) and they're complete bitches....really domineering and knarky!

i cant understand it because he's SUCH and independent person-as far as I can see anyway-and he takes no crap from me-he always has a smart answer ready!(as do i of course!)

hes an absolute dote and ive SO much respect for him (the way he has dealt with everything is great).

what i want to ask though really was do u think he was really joking about coming to the wedding??!i dont want to seem ignorant by just heading off to it without mentioning it again-seeing as he was the one who, even if he was completely joking, brought it up in the first place.

should he not know that everyone would think he's my boyfriend?and if he doesnt want to be my boyfriend then why does he want to go to a family "do" where he oviously knows everyone will think hes my bfriend? 

[Gevs1966]

No offence but why do women always have to read far more into things that eally aren't that simple.

Why do you not believe him when he said he was joking? He probably was.

It's pretty simple really, if you want him to go with you to this wedding then ask him. Who cares whether or not your family think he is your boyfriend or not, why does that matter?

If you would rather he didn't go with you for that reason then tell him. Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel not tell total strangers on the internet as we will only get your side of things.

There was me thinking it was supposed to be the men who couldn't be open and talk about how they feel!!

[Grunty]

I agree with Gevs.  He was joking, but he would enjoy going with you to the wedding and so would you.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.  It doesn't matter what his ex-girlfriends are like either.  They are out of the picture now.

[monodge]

"talk to him and tell him how i feel"????please!

and there was me thinking it was supposed to be the women who were soppy and talking about their feelings the whole time-obviously not....

i didnt believe him when he said he was joking because he didnt say he was joking.

[Gevs1966]

monodge that is my point. Women are always moaning about blokes not being open with them etc like you are in your question. However the only person with any confusion here is you.

Like I say, if you want him to go with you, ask him. If you don't want him to, tell him. Simple as that

[polly1]

Forget him - get someone who wants to go out with you and keep him as a friend.