Do I Want My Ex Back?

[catcuddler2]

I posted a similar question here a week ago but didnt get a huge response.Basically I was with a man who lives in australia I went to visit him last xmas and it was amazing we even got engaged.In mid January I started to have feelings for a friend of a friend and subsequently ended it with my aussie bf.Its been good with my current bf and I do love him but we argue a lot as he's possesive and jealous.Also I dont seem to feel the same electric magic I had with the aussie.

I know I have feelings for my ex still but I'm unsure of what to do.The distance is a huge issue for me as I hate to be alone which is made worse by a mental illness.I was willing to move to aus to be with him but I ended it because I thought if I had some kind of feelings for my current bf I couldnt love my ex enough.I feel very confused and churned up but I know a big part of me misses him

Any advice would be appreciated
TIA
p.s. I hope this makes sense

[snags]

The real question is would your ex want you back...

[boxtops]

Here's the earlier one http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Relationships-and-Dating/Question1198034.html

I don't think you're in love with the aussie man - if you were, you wouldn't have left him.

You have got involved with the UK bloke because he's here.

What does the aussie bloke think? You've messed him around, he might not be willing to give it a second chance. That's where you have to start.

[Batman7070]

Jealous and possesive bf's are not good news. Unless your current bf can control his problem the relationship wont get any better for you.

The fact that you are comparing ex bf's with the current one is a signal that you are not happy.

Clearly you are afraid of being without a boyfriend and this is the danger. You will feel compelled to stay with the abusive man.

I dont think youve met the right guy yet. Be patient the right guy will come along eventually.

[catcuddler2]

I am not so arrogant as to assume he would take me back chances are he wouldnt but I guess I am not sure if I should try and see if he would give me a second chance or if I am just nostalgic because of the amazing time we had together.Also if I am still having feelings for him am I with the right person now?I dont mean to sound arrogant or like I am playing games because I can assure you I'm not.I guess what I really wanna know is how do you know whether to take a risk or stay with whats safe and reliable?

[catcuddler2]

I have thought if that too.I was once terrified of being without a bf and now although I prefer to have a partner I am not scared of being single as I can handle it as I was single for close to a year.I guess because at the time I felt stronger than ever before for the aussie I am worried if I dont try again I will miss my one chance to be happy forever.I wouldnt say my current bf is abusive as I was with a very abusive man for 8 years when I was scared to be alone and my current bf isnt like him at all.I just feel unsure and my heads swimming with what if's.I agree if I am making comparisons then I am not 100% happy but I just feel so unsure.Love is so confusing.Thanks to all for the comments and if I came across as arrogant I apologise

[boxtops]

Are you happy with the current man, even though it's not as exciting as in Oz? Excitement doesn't last forever...

[catcuddler2]

It wasnt the excitement of aus as it was actually very stressful getting there as it was my first flight and I suffer from extreme anxiey and I went alone.Its hard to describe but I miss the aus bloke and keep thinking where we'd be now if we had stayed together,like marriage,me moving there etc.I guess my answer to everything is I'm not sure but I dont know what to do next

[888sally888]

If you're on AB asking opinions, then neither are right for you.

[catcuddler2]

I thought this site was for asking advice and opinions maybe I was wrong

[woofgang]

If you need to ask then the answer is no. You are not in an either or situation. Neither man might be the right one for you. You may not be right for either of them either.

[888sally888]

SNAP Woofgang!!

[albaqwerty]

your ex is an ex for a reason.

[albaqwerty]

'I thought this site was for asking advice and opinions maybe I was wrong '
you've asked and we've given opinions.

[catcuddler2]

Albaqwerty I was referring to one perticular person with my last comment not everyone.I value everyone's view but negative judgemental opinions dont help and a few comments I've had have been just that but I wasnt referring to you.I will consider all factors and not rush into anything

[pastafreak]

TBH-I suspect neither man is 'the one'. I really think you need to take a break from both,because if you are unsure then it seems you 'miss' them for the wrong reasons.
Take some time to be on your own-you don't need them to make you happy...and I doubt very much that the ex is your 'last chance to be happy'.

[888sally888]

Was probably me but I stand by my answer. If you were happy with either man then you wouldn't be asking on here. Think 2013 needs a new man wh makes you happy!

[catcuddler2]

Thanks pasta thats helped :)Why cant love and relationships be easy?

[boxtops]

catcuddler, having a man doesn't solve anxiety problems, it can add to them - believe me, I've been there. What you need is time to be you, to start to have faith in yourself and to be happy in your own skin, happy living your life. You went to oz - brilliant, I've never done that! - so that's a big plus - but it's not good to be reliant on other people for your self-assurance and confidence. If you're not 100% happy with your current chap, then leave - but don't do it just to hanker after both of them. Being on your own, meeting new friends, leads to a whole new life. I know - I was there. Have faith in yourself!