Boyfriend Blackmailing My Daughter

[kloofnek]

My daughter(she is 39) has been going out with this chap for a couple of years...it is a a terrible relationship...don`t know where to begin.will not go into details...will take forever!!!
He is a lovely person...when sober...but he drinks(I have never seen him when he is drunk) and she drinks as well.He has a good job and has plenty of money,so is providing the drink.The result ...they fight and she hits him back...he has pics on his phone of himself with what she has done.He also has kept the texts she has sent him which proves she is the one who has hit him.these are all from ages ago.
She doesn`t want to be with him but he won`t let her go,he says he will go to the police with the "evidence",if she tries to get an injunction on him(his last girlfriend did,he has two children with her...she has since married)..

I am at my wits end...have thought about going to a lawyer for advice(please dont suggest the CAB...they are hopeless...at least my local one is...went to them over something else and they got it all wrong...so they are a no-no).

Blackmail is a crime..full stop!!!Would like to hear your imput on this...ad any suggestions will be most welcome.
Surely...there is something that can be done

[jackthehat]

Tell your daughter to contact the Domestic Violence Officer at her local Police-Station........she can talk to them anonymously 'til her mind is put at rest.

[Mamyalynne]

She needs to leave and then deal with whatever arises thereafter - you say 'They fight and she hits him back, so in truth it is not one sided'.

Doubtful he will try it on, but with your support I am sure this break will be the best thing for her.

[albaqwerty]

can you get your daughter out of there and give her somewhere to stay?
Does she want out of that relationship, if so, then give her somewhere to come to.
He might have kept the 'evidence' but there are ways of getting his texts etc from her deleted phone if push comes to shove.

[Zacs-Master]

Accidentally throw his phone down the toilet.

[Connemmara]

kloofnek - does your daughter really want to leave him?

[Old_Geezer]

Personally I think I'd call his bluff. But I'm no law expert. It's just that I'd have thought one would need to prove this is a one way abuse case rather than a result of a mutual disagreement. If he wanted to complain surely he need to do so to show evidence at the time ?

[ChillDoubt]

What JTH said, plus speak to a solicitor about an injunction with a power of arrest, if she is serious.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100330002

[DJHawkes]

call his bluff, he'll not go to the police, he's a coward.

[kloofnek]

Did not know about that...by the way..he doesn`t live with her.
What I want to know is...can he go to the police about past abuse...if we can call it that...they are as bad as each other.
Neighbours have called the police out a few times when they have been fighting...the worst was whe she was so drunk that she got in his car ...a very fast sports effort..drove off...police saw her...she resisted arrest...result...6 weeks in prison.
When he is not around(supposedly finished with each other)...everything is fine...as soon as he is back...trouble again!!!His parents won`t have him at home and he has lodgings now.
I keep thinking... where did we go wrong!!!Having said all this.,my husband and I try to help her a much as we can.

[kloofnek]

that what I think,DJ.
I have told her to try and delete the pica and texts off his phone...but he could have them on his PC...plus it is a posh phone so can probably be able to get them back.
Yes,I sometimes wonder if she REALLY wants to finish with him for good..he buys her things which she can never buy...only has a small job,

[jackthehat]

That's why I suggested contacting the Police.

They ought to be able to reassure your daughter that they will dismiss any attempt by the boyfriend to get her into trouble as 'sour-grapes'....which as they don't live together and he isn't in a 'vulnerable' situation, I believe they will. But she may feel better hearing it from the horses-mouth.

[kloofnek]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on the subject.Am going to have a good talk to her and see if I can`t get her to do something about him....let us see if she means what she says and does want to get rid.
Off to watch the Chase..relax a bit.

[Orderlimit]

Hi kloofnek, you could initially contact Womans Aid and discuss the issues with them in confidence, or any other Domestic Violence charity. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

If your daughter decides to leave this person then there are numerous laws in place to protect her. Blackmail does not apply to the situation described at present though.

[ST24]

I would suggest that your daughter needs to make a clean break with the boyfriend. If possible move to another part of the country ; if she wants to keep her job ask her employer for as long a holiday as possible and spend it as far away as she can be from him so she can make a clean break.

[princemac]

Not sure blackmail is a crime,wouldnt worry too much about this guy going to the police with evidence probably wouldn't be bothered and see it as a civil/domestic situation.What your daughter can do is use tort law against her ex.boyfriend.Agree with you about the CAB....they are hopeless.

[Mamyalynne]

//Not sure blackmail is a crime// - it is.

[princemac]

Blackmail been a crime,from what section of law does this come from with regards this case,you must mean the Forgery and Counterfeiting Act 1981 and section 34,36 and 37 of the Deception Act 1861 which are still in force today,theres also a 1860 Common Law.Best way forward is to use tort law in this matter.Police would not be bothered about this.

[Orderlimit]

I would imagine the reference to 'blackmail' was regarding the menacing pressure from the ex-partner as opposed to say the 1968 Theft Act, princemac

[maggiebee]

She should call his bluff and get out ASAP. Don't think police would take much credence of his "evidence" and would probably think they were better apart.

[princemac]

This "menacing" would still have to be proven,very differcult with any law/act,still think tort law is the way to go,police wont give two jots about this issue all they want is revenue but still a good post ORDERLIMIT.