How Can You Build Trust....?

[Tired_Vines]

As above, how can you build trust?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, yet I still don't trust him.

For those that will read my previous question, yes, our relationship was biult on 'distrust', but various things have happened since then for me to be this way.
I have never been a jealous nor possessive person, yet he's done things to make me believe he cannot be trusted.
He's making an effort, I know he is, but I still wonder where he is, who he's talking to, etc. I honestly feel like he's turned me into some kind of mental bunny boiler! :-(

So, what I'd like to know is, how do you build trust?
What he did was very recent, and I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to move on from it??

[grasscarp]

Do you really want to stay with someone you don't trust? I had a boyfriend like that for 7 years. He never changed and breaking away was best thing I did. Took one tearful drive home to get over him!

[Tired_Vines]

I know it sounds a bit pathetic, but I love him so, so much. I have honestly never felt like this about anyone else :-(
He betrayed me in the worst possible way, yet I still believe there's something there. I just don't know how I'm supposed to forgive and forget??

[ummmm]

How did he betray you?

[Mamyalynne]

I don't think trust is something you can learn,if you want the relationship enough then the forgive/forget will come naturally.

If it doesn't you will always be on shaky ground.

[naomi24]

Forgive might come, but forget? No. That's a fallacy. You will always be on shaky ground.

[pixie373]

I've just reread your first question and some of the answers. You do already know you can't trust him. The question is- is that good enough for you?

[Tired_Vines]

He was due to move in with me, something we had planned for nearly a year, and then three days before it was due to happen I *** up (fell off the waggon) and he went all weird on me.
Came for lunch with me and my kids, everything seemed ok, and then I recieved a Facebook message from some random guy to say he'd booked a hotel with his girlfriend for the upcoming weekend.
Asked him about it, he lied and said he was working away. Quizzed him some more, he said it was for weeks in advance and wasnt going.
Went so far as to send me screen shots of the hotel booking... which turned out never to exisist.
Finally got to the bottom of it, and indeed he'd planned to go away that weekend with her, to a really nice hotel.
Asked him why, he said he didn't know, but he was angry???
A load more of messages from the boyfriend confirmed that he'd referred to me as a "crazy alcoholic" (I was in recovery and suffering with mental health issues) and my "children were baggage"... which he strongly denies.

I love him so much, yet I just don't ever trust him wherever he says he is :-(

[Tired_Vines]

Sorry, I should have add to that comment, he basically said he couldn't cope with me after I fell off the wagon. That was his reason.

[pixie373]

That was his reason for inviting his ex to a hotel? Vines, I'm really sorry, I think you're absolutely right not to trust him. You can carry on as you are, or leave and- eventually - get over him. Not easy, but you've known what he's like for at least a year and he hasn't convinced you otherwise.

[Tired_Vines]

He said he couldn't cope with me. He said he couldn't cope with me changing my mind... which I didn't, I was a bloody alcoholic!

I wonder what will happen in the future, whenever I slip up, will he go off wth someone else because he "can't cope"?

It makes me so sad :-(

[ummmm]

There's a good chance he'll use it as an excuse.

I wouldn't stay with someone who considered my children 'baggage'

[Tired_Vines]

He swears he never refereed to them as 'baggage', as that was the thing that upset me most, but I've got to the point where I just don't know what to believe any more.
He means so much to me, yet I can't help but feel I'm nothing to him but a place to stay, and a ready made family.

[ummmm]

How long ago was this btw?

[pixie373]

Yes, he'll blame you for his own choices. I think you'll soon get to the point when you've just had enough.

[Tired_Vines]

We've been together a year, he betrayed me a month or so ago.
I'm trying so hard to get over it, but it plays on my mind all the time, yet whenever I mention it to him it causes an argument.
I just want him to tell me the truth.
He admitted to me that he's met up with her, yet I have no idea what they've 'done', as I don't believe a word he says.

[ummmm]

He has proved himself to be a liar. Lies seem to slip easily off his tongue.

One thing that my dad used to say to me 'you know where you're at with a thief but you'll never know where you're at with a liar'

[Tired_Vines]

That's sad, real sad :-(

I know I can't trust him, but I constantly want to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[ummmm]

That's because you love him :-(

[Tired_Vines]

It's ***. So bloody ***.

:-(

[ummmm]

I take it you don't rely on him for anything?