How Can You Build Trust....?

[Tired_Vines]

As above, how can you build trust?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, yet I still don't trust him.

For those that will read my previous question, yes, our relationship was biult on 'distrust', but various things have happened since then for me to be this way.
I have never been a jealous nor possessive person, yet he's done things to make me believe he cannot be trusted.
He's making an effort, I know he is, but I still wonder where he is, who he's talking to, etc. I honestly feel like he's turned me into some kind of mental bunny boiler! :-(

So, what I'd like to know is, how do you build trust?
What he did was very recent, and I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to move on from it??

[Tired_Vines]

No, nothing, thank goodness.

Just emotional support - which he's been a massive help.

That's another thing, I have a few 'mental health issues', and have an assessment in a couple of weeks, so I'm constantly worried that'll come back as I have 'problems' and he won't be able to cope and will run off with someone else.

[ummmm]

The way he's behaving certainly won't help your mental health. More than likely make it worse.

Can you really live a happy life with such insecurity?

[Tired_Vines]

He made me so happy when we first met, it was only when his shady behavior started that my anxiety started to play up, and I just wonder if this will ever improve :-/

[pixie373]

His behaviour was shady 'when' you first met. He just hasn't changed. This isn't going to do you any good .

[ummmm]

I doubt it.

I do believe people can change but you're still in the honeymoon period. If he's doing it now I'd say it would get worse if you live together and he has to go through the day to day mundane things.

Personally I'd cut my losses. As hard as it is I bet you'll feel much better. A weight lifted off your shoulders.

Just try not to drown your sorrows, which I know is easier said than done x

[Tired_Vines]

:-( Absolutely gutted.

[woofgang]

you know what you need to do. Walk away, you are worth better.

[Tired_Vines]

I've tried, but I end up missing him so much and then always end up texting him and I'M the one that ends up apologising???!

I do really love him, and when he's with me I'm really, really happy, it's just when he's not with me, I'm constantly wondering what he's up to, or if he's being truthful.

Take tonight for example, he says he's going to see his friend, a friend I don't really know and have never met before, but I'll now spend the rest of the day and night going out of my mind and thinking he's somewhere else.

Honestly, I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.

[mccfluff]

walk away. concentrate on yourself and your kids. sounds like you have a lot concerning you right now, you don't need the added stresses of a relationship - esp one that is on rocky ground -

[Tired_Vines]

It's like he has this weird hold over me.
Again, I've never felt it before and I was bloody married for thirteen years!

[grasscarp]

I feel really sorry for you Vines. You dont know where he will be tonight and it will be on your mind. Although you love being within him it cant make up for the much greater time when he is not there and you are anxious and miserable. If you can make a break and not contact him one of two things will happen. You will adapt to life without him and may meet someone else; or maybe he will seek you out. However leopards dont change their spots and I think you realise that. Best of luck whatever happens.

[Tired_Vines]

That's the thing, it's the not knowing and even if he tells me something I probably won't believe it.
Oh god, I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall...

Thanks for the responses and advise.

[beso]

A relationship has trust or it doesn't. It isn't worth persisting if it isn't there.