Husband Has Changed....

[scruffbag]

My husband lost both of his parents in the last year, and I feel he is only just coming to terms with it. He is taking it out on me verbally, he swears at me if he does not get his own way or he is not happy with something.
I asked him tonight could he please stop picking on me, and lets get things back to normal again.
He went off on one, and said he was sleeping in the back room again.
Don't know what to do really. I am feeling really low and worried about the future. He has only gone like this since he lost both of his parents.
He criticises me but can't take it back!!
Please, please help. I don't know where to turn to for help.

[murraymints]

sounds like he could do with bereavement counselling..speak to GP ...good luck xx

[scruffbag]

He wont go for councelling x

[chrissa1]

Is drink involved?

[anneasquith]

my first thought chrissa.

[scruffbag]

no drink is not involved x

[chrissa1]

Could you get him to the doctors, at least? He could be suffering from depression.

[anneasquith]

is his anger only towards you ?

[DTCwordfan]

well that is one positive - anybody that he 'depends' on for counsel outside you, a sister, brother, mate that you could turn to for help?

Failing this, I think you need to think about a few days away with your family or friends and make it clear that you are at your wits end with him and his behaviour, perhaps through a note etc....Start positive with why you love him but then outline clearly what the issues are.....perhaps even in bullet points. However, do think before you leap and wait overnight after writing such a letter, you may want to change things in the cold of morning, downplaying the emotion and upping the factual side.....

Good luck.

[chrissa1]

Good advice, DTC.

[mastercraft]

There is an old saying... 'We always hurt the ones we love'.

Whenever we are feeling pain of some kind... it's our nearest and dearest who get the brunt of it!
I'm sure things will get better once the feeling of loss subsides.

[scruffbag]

Yes he is angry only towards me x

[Elina]

Hi, do you feel out of your depth sometimes in understanding what he's going through? Sometimes a partner doesn't pick up on real moment's of anguish a person grieving is going through & just don't know how to help. At those times the person who's grieving just needs a hug / asking how they are feeling or how you can help. If that's not happening, it can lead to frustration. I lost my father last year, there were times I felt I just needed an arm around me, needed to cry freely with the person closest to me. Sometimes that didn't happen, with me I would just be flat or go to bed earlier. It's that feeling of, why aren't you picking up on this? Why don't you put your arm around me? Of course, in reality, some people are way out of their depth dealing with a grieving partner, not everyone can & I realise that now.

[whiskeryron]

You always hurt the ones you love, he has no one else to take his frustrations out on. As long as he is not physically abusing you please try to bear with it a while longer, tell him that you also miss his parents very much & that you know how he feels & that you love him very much & you so want to help him with the loss.

[woofgang]

Whatever the reason he is bullying you and that is abuse. Have you got somewhere you can go? Seriously no matter how much you love him and how hurt he is, I don't think you should stay where you are being bullied and abused regardless of the reason.

[anneasquith]

i agree with woof......... you need to let him know his behaviour is unacceptable.

[andres]

Your husband's emotions are probably in turmoil at the moment. Angry , helpless and grieving he wants to lash out and unfortunately he is taking it out on you. If you can get him to see a doctor and get counselling for him that might help . In the meantime try to keep positive and loving towards him. Everyone reacts differently to bereavement but once he comes to terms with it and accepts his loss then hopefully things will get back to normal again. I hope so!

[scruffbag]

Thank you to everyone x