A Little Delicate, What Shall I Do ?

[silka]

My friend and I go out to lunch about every 3 weeks or so. we always share the bill. Lately we seem to be eating in very expensive restaurants chosen by her, when I suggest somewhere she often says no. My friend does not eat very much, I like value for money. Today. which by the way I chose, little knowing the place had changed hands, I sent back my meal because it was overcooked to a fault and the fried chicken itself was like 2 chicken goujons. I ended up getting soup and a dessert, because the service was slow, My friends meal cost around £13 just for the main. I am not greedy by any means as all of my friends will tell you, but I ended paying double on the bill than my food cost. I feel I have better things to do with my money. My friend eats out most days, I don't. I am not enjoying it any more. I would like to do other things but that is all we ever do, that's all she wants to do. We have to arrange it all as she has to fit me in with her busy life.I think the world of her, but I feel as if I am not in control.

[mccfluff]

try looking on groupon/wowcher for offers at restaurants in your area,. you might find some new interesting ones and get a discount

they offer vouchers off other things as well so you might find something the two of you could do instead of lunch

[silka]

I actually had a £5 voucher today

[Old_Geezer]

Tell her what you told us, but more succinctly and with tact.

If she is a true friend she will appreciate whatever you do together should be enjoyed by both (or it'll not last). Say that the places she chooses are rather fancy for your personal tastes, and could you both opt for venues a little less lubricious ? Or maybe she choose a place one occasion and you the next etc. ?

As for other things, that is a separate issue really. If you enjoy each others' company then make a few suggestions for additional trips or whatever.

[Old_Geezer]

*** salubrious ***

LIKE IT TYPED !!!! £$^"%$&£%^&$^%* spell check.

[Old_Geezer]

LIKE *** I *** TYPED

>>>>>>:-(

[chaptazbru2]

I had a friend who only ever wanted to meet up for lunch and I only saw here every six to eight weeks. I wanted to do other things, as at the time I didn't have many other friends, so I suggested going to the theatre or a drive out into the country for a change and she jumped at the chance - she thought all I wanted to do was go out for lunch !! Try talking to her.

[silka]

The problem is her life is so busy day and night, she surrounds herself with people every day. I on the other hand don't. I have to fit in with when she can see me. I dont go out at nights any more either.

[AlwaysConfused]

suggest a coffee/cake morning at your home. People tend to be more natural and relaxed in home surroundings. You may end up talking about things you wouldn't usually reveal

[silka]

No we dont entertain at home, that is already agreed, as we like to go out. I live alone also, she doesn't, so I have enough time in my place I like to get out

[Canary42]

It's difficult to advise you silka, it's such a personal thing. Only you can decide whether the "cost" of this friendsip is "value-for-money".

Note my use of quotes, meaning it's not merely financial but it was the best analogy I could think of.

As for being in control, the usual give-and-take of friendship means you aren't always anyway (by choice). But here you do seem never to have your share of "real" control.

[silka]

I am easy going but it is getting to the point that I am tired of 'fitting in' with her. I want to keep our friendship, but there needs to be more give and take.

[murraymints]

then you book somewhere and TELL her where and when you are going...

[silka]

Haha I would be going on my own

[ladybirder]

I hope I'm wrong but it sounds as if you value her friendship more than she does yours if that is how she would behave.

[silka]

I wonder maybe you are right. I remember not too long ago I was ill and she said on the phone give me a call if you need me and if I am not out I will come over to help you

[DTCwordfan]

Do something totally different than food and see if she wants to join you, theatre or cinema for example.....if she doesn't, I would strongly suggest that she is only in this for the food and splitting budgets, not for your true friendship.

[woofgang]

It sounds to me like you need to do other things and meet other people.....

[ladybirder]

Hmmm. It's difficult. I dropped a friend of 35 years standing, not overnight, but after a lot of thought. In the end I decided I didn't want her in my life any longer as she brought me down most of the time and took me for granted. It was the right decision but I look back sometimes and smile as we did have some lovely times together but I think we outgrew each other at the end.

[silka]

I had a school friend for over 50 years, in the end I had to drop her, because of certain things

[silka]

I admit I need to make more friends but it is not easy,I enjoy a quiet life. I do alot of stuff holidays and so on alone.