Advice Please

[Honeybadger20]

I have been dating a man for approx 3 months, things are going alright, however when we first started saying he would talk about his friend Sarah all the time, oh my mate Sarah this and that, he spoke about her a lot and it raised a small red flag, he has lots of friends, male and female which I absolutely do not have a problem with as I am the same, however the mentioning of Sarah all the time worried me, a little....I decided to go by how he was with me and he is very attentive, I chose to take him at face value and went about my business. Last night however, after a few drinks he told me that about 6 months ago Sarah had said to him 'we should be together' he said she has said it to him a few times, i said I knew something wasn't right where she was concerned, I asked him what his response to her saying that was and he said I said no....he said that they are just friends and that he has known her 6 years, I said but your not friends are you because she wants you, wanting you in that way is not 'just a friend' I said a few things but to be honest was met with a blank expression and the repeating of 'we are just friends', I know she turns up at his place drunk on occasion and behaves inappropriately in my opinion. I have never met this woman and to be honest I don't want to, I totally get that men and women can be friends but she obviously desires him and he sees no problem with it, whereas I do. Just putting together how he used to talk about her all the time in the beginning and then he tells me that! He also told me that his last relationship ended over his ex being jealous of Sarah, which I brought up today and said there's obviously a problem here isn't there, but he can't see it. I don't expect him to disregard her, he has known her a long time, but I don't like the situation either. What should I do regarding this?

[Samuraisan]

Let Sarah have him.

[Sqad]

I don't see your problem.
After 3 months, surely you are not contemplating a long term relationship with this man and presumably he is satisfying you sexually.

Sarah is a side show at the moment and you are the main star of the show.

Only time will tell if this state of affairs remain.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

[MallyJ]

I think you should walk away from this one. He either likes having 2 women wanting him or he is making Sarah up to make you want him more. Either way he is massaging his own ego and you are worth more than someone who plays those games. If I were you (which obviously I am not) I would avoid contact with him.

[Honeybadger20]

Thanks for the responses, he is not making her up, he added me on Facebook and I have seen her, I just didn't like his lack of understanding about my feelings about it, if one of my male friends wanted me, I think that would be the end of our friendship as I would feel uncomfortable. I know she goes to his place on occasion and I would not be comfortable with this knowing what I know about her. I've gone silent on him at the moment, contemplating what to do...I am not jealous of her in the slightest, the thing that got me is that little red flag that cropped up in the beginning, 3 months later I find out this, guess I'm a bit disappointed that he would still entertain her 'as a friend' I just think it's not right, knowing what he knows!

[woofgang]

its simple....if you are happy with the situation then stay. If you are not happy with the situation then go.

[murraymints]

I would visit Sarah and pull her fingernails out !! lol....either put up or shut up I am afraid..don't think I would hang around as resentment will build and destroy...

[Honeybadger20]

The resentment is building already, I think I'm gonna take a huge step back now. Thank you for taking the time out to reply.

[murraymints]

good luck honey ..you know what needs to be done for your own sanity ! and self respect

[Honeybadger20]

Thank murray mints, there is no way on gods earth am I gonna feel like piggy in the middle, to whatever is happening or has happened between them, my gut instinct told me something wasn't quite right in the beginning but hearing that last night and his reaction to it, tells me this is not worth me investing anymore of my precious time into something that will probably cause me misery and uncertainty, thanks again

[MallyJ]

Good move.... to stand well back. We all have friends of the opposite sex ... we don't spend all our time telling our partners about them. It is somewhat disrespectful in my opinion. You are (as I said before) worth more. You don't need someone who is so insensitive. He sounds very young ...

[Honeybadger20]

Thanks, Not very young at all, he is 42, should know better