Till Death Do Us Part. Was This Ever That Realistic?

[RATTER15]

Unfortunately, after two divorces, I dont think "until death do us part" is very realistic. I wish my parents divorced when I was a baby, all I ever experienced was growing up with my parents not even speaking to one another for as long as I can remember. My father left home when I turned 18, telling me that he wanted me to be 18 before he left. He was never a decent father to me or a good husband to my Mother. If he had left when I was young, my mother could have moved on and found a decent loving husband and I could possibly have had a decent father!! I think that in the past so many couples lived a miserable life and many still do, and raised their children in an unhappy household because of these vows. We all wish our marriages to last forever but society has proven that this really isnt realistic and most likely never has been.

Of course it works for some, but in reality it isnt that many!!

[Zacs-Master]

It was introduced at a time when religion played a much larger part in people's lives. It was simply just another way for the church to instil the fear of God into people i.e. Don't divorce or you'll go to Hell.
It hasn't really had any meaning since people started seeing through religion and is still only used in church ceremonies as it appeals to loved up couples who still have their rosy glow of luuuuurve about them.

[RATTER15]

I think that the younger couples are when they marry, the more likely they will grow apart.

[Zacs-Master]

Bit of a sweeping statement and I'm sure a fair proportion of young marriages break up but it's not a rule. Mrs Z was 19 when we met and were just about to celebrate our 30th. I know quite a few other couples in very similar circumstances.

[Islay]

I met my husband at 17, married at 24 and I am still married at 44.
I believe in death do us part but I am not religious.
My husband has stuck by me thick and thin and we are looking forward to the next goodness knows how many years together.
Neither of us would cheat on each other - although he does say that if i bring home another animal he is divorcing me!!

[jackthehat]

Don't forget, historically, being parted by death usually occurred a lot earlier in a marriage......so making that particular vow didn't 'condemn' someone to 40+ years of unhappy marriage in the same way that someone determined to stick to their vows, today, can look fowards to......or not!

[albaqwerty]

I know of one couple who married young, (in their teens) and would still be married if one hadn't shuffled of this mortal coil. (Well, I like to think they would still be married)

There are a couple of family members who have each lived with their partner, had children, then married and split up inside 2 years of their wedding.

Don't have a point, really, if they were happy living with each other, why fix something that didn't seem to be broken?
There's no taboo as such anymore with living with someone.

[woofgang]

For me yes it was realistic, also for my parents. I suspect though that in both cases it wasn't a durable relationship because of the vow; but the vow could be kept because of the relationship.

[Islay]

Of course you do get women who get married just because their biological clock is ticking away and they want a baby daddy - those marriages generally don't last long.
I think its sad really that so many marriages break down, not sure how to fix it though.

[woofgang]

Oh and my late DH and I met when I was 14 because he was dating my sister but not seriously. He stayed a friend of the family till I was 17 then asked me out and we married when I was 21. This may sound unbelievable but the very first time we met and looked at each other we both knew we were linked....thats what I mean by the vow being a goer because of the relationship. My Mum told me once that it had been the same between her and my Dad.

[albaqwerty]

Met Mr Alba when I was 16, Wasn't interested, went off to do my own thing.
Married him when I was 24, 30 years in, I might keep him, he's almost house-trained now.

I wonder how many marry 'cos they are in lust and not love and there's no friendship as a common ground (if you get my drift)

[Zacs-Master]

Quite a few Alba.

Same wedding anniversary coming up as us for you two then?

[baza]

I was 30 when I married the present Mrs B , she was 18 and that was 39 years ago, my brother was 32 when he got hitched 37 years ago. We have 2 sisters who married, split up and have shacked up with a couple of partners each since. So that's 50 per cent still together.

[albaqwerty]

we were 30 years in July Zacs.

I remember you posting about your 25th, still makes me grin lol x

[Zacs-Master]

Ha! May next yr For us Alba. Congrats!

[NoMercy]

My husband and I were together for 20 months before we married almost 5 weeks ago. We moved in together after 3 months.

Will death us do part? Quite likely, because one of these days I will throttle the sod.

[albaqwerty]

dunno where the time goes lol
Thanks for the congrats, he deserves either a medal or commiserations!

Thinking about Mr Alba and his 3 siblings, himself and sister are each married.
One sibling is divorced and single, the other is divorced and remarried.

[woofgang]

excellent point Alba..... have never understood relationships where the partner is not also the best friend.

[Zacs-Master]

LOL,at NoM.

[andy-hughes]

Ratter - obviously your unhappy experiences colour your attitudes to marriage, the same as other peoples' happy experiences influence their own views.

I think the ceremony was made for its time - and tradition makes us keep the wording. I have never given much thought to the vows I made, I am an atheist, so the religious aspect of it was entirely for the pleasure of the present Mrs Hughes.

We have clocked up thirty-one years this month, and we were together for six years before that, so we are happy, but like you, I wish my parents had divorced when I was little.

[ummmm]

My parents split when I was young. Although both of my parents are lovely the marriage was making my mum depressed. The best thing she ever done.