Crossed The Line ?

[tamaris]

My neighbour has been through a lot of trauma over the last three years. She was allotted a councillor. The councller left to have a baby but they started a friendship. Gifts were exchanged before she went on maternity leave. They met up for lunch etc every couple weeks, although they lived about 30 mile apart before and after the baby was born. The councillor called her nanny and mummy. She was about 30 years my neighbours junior. The baby had a few problems with his health. One day out of the blue the neighbour got a text saying she wanted space from the relationship because my neighbour (had been very I'll with depression and) had not said Happy Birthday to the child or asked after his health on his first birthday. My neighbour sent an email saying she had been in bed that day but had sent him a card and baked a cake and bought him a learning toy for his birthday. She has not had a response at all. My neighbour is devasted.

[jno]

I thought Sqad's question was fair; it's not easy to follow all this.

Is it the case that the counsellor-patient relationship was already over when the counseller left to have a child? If so, her line of business is neither here nor there. This is just a case of two friends breaking up. And there's really no point hurling abuse at someone sho's decided to end a relationship; that's everyone's prerogative, for any reason at all, however hurtful it may be to the other.

OG's advice makes a lot of sense. Whetever went wrong, it was with the ex-friend. The neighbour needs to work at not depending so much on a single friendship.

[tamaris]

KM you are entitled to your opinion.

[anneasquith]

Your neighbour is vulnerable ATM, she may well have thought the friendship was deeper than it was. The councillor behaved unprofessionally. I hope your neighbour can move on from this experience and gain some self confidence in the future .

[Prudie]

I also found the question difficult to follow and considering a mod has been on this thread I can't believe your very personal attack (quite unwarranted on this thread) has been left. He said nothing disgusting or despicable.

[tamaris]

It was a deep relationship apparently. They text most days or phoned. Made plans etc.

[pixie374]

It isn't "unprofessional", she was a friend, not a counsellor- but I can totally understand how devastated your friend is being let down like that. The only answer really, I think, is to try to find her different more reliable support to carry on with now xx

[tamaris]

Prudie

[tamaris]

That is your opinion

[anneasquith]

I disagree pixie their relationship initially was of client/councillor, the councillor with any experience /knowledge should be aware never to cross the line especially with vulnerable clients. We will agree to disagree. Thanks for BA .

[pixie374]

You may well have a point, Anne... x

[pastafreak]

I agree completely Anne. It shouldn't have happened full stop. The client can always be assumed to be vulnerable, whatever stage they are at. There needs to be a barrier. I've heard of relationships starting to develop between support workers and clients who are in recovery...it never works.

[tamaris]

I agree with pastafreak

[anneasquith]

I don't mind BA being altered ::-)

[tamaris]

What is BA ?

[anneasquith]

Best answer T, don't worry I'm joking :-)

[tamaris]

I know but they were all good and got better lol

[jno]

a therapist who wants an intimate relationship with a patient should quit as therapist first. But this isn't in that league. She'd already quit, and they became friends, not lovers. I know of no ethical or professional rule against being friends with a former patient. I don't believe any line has been crossed at all.

[pixie374]

That was what I was saying at first, jno. I would call it immoral rather than unprofessional, but that's just semantics really, the sentiment is the same- it's somebody she thought she could trust.

[jno]

that happens with any friendship, though, pixie. People fall out. We don't know what went wrong with this one, but even if it was purely caused by one person's actions, that still isn't immoral. An ex-counsellor isn't responsible for an ex-patient for life.

Obviously I feel sorry for tamaris's neighbour. But these things happen, and trying to find someone to blame seems pointless to me. The neighbour needs to find a way to get on with her life, and debating the actions of a friend and her baby is just a distraction.