About The Worst Thing To Say ....

[rowanwitch]

When she arrived to see me the day after Dave died, my mother's second question was do you think you will look for someone else? I hadn't looked for Dave, and it was if nothing else thoughtless. I would be interested to know if anyone apart from WY, fell into a new relationship really soon after losing a partner. Was it loneliness, or just trying to fill the hole inside. ( that wasn't meant in a smutty way)

[waterboatman]

My Vera left this world on 10th of October 2011, at 1010 to the second. I'm not, nor intend, to look for anyone else. Having said that. One can never tell whom one will meet today, tomorrow. next week or whenever. If it happens, it happens.

[woofgang]

We are all different and fate has a way of reversing our decisions but for me that part of my life is over. My husband was my fated partner and soul mate. Like you, I didn't go looking for a partner and cannot imagine doing so. Please try not to be too hard on your Mum. People do say thoughtless things in difficult situations.

[weecalf]

People do say those things because in a difficult situation like this the things they mean to say may come out wrong .My sister lost her husband in very tragic circumstances like your mum someone said similar .what they meant was I hope you find happiness again .My sister did find happiness in a new husband needless to say we were all delighted for her .I wish you future happiness .

[Cloverjo]

We lost my mum 3 years ago and I can't imagine my dad being with another woman. Yet, a few of his friends have married again soon after their wives died. They couldn't cope with being alone.
It was a tactless thing for your mum to say, but we all say daft things sometimes.

[Old_Geezer]

In stressful times things are easily misunderstood, and hurt from that, felt. She was making conversation, asking about your future in general, you feel it was way way too soon to be making such decisions. The thing to do IMO is to realise there will be such triggers and try to let such things go as soon as possible.

Not good to actually look immediately anyway, regardless of future possibilities. Folk need to stabilise first not rush into something whilst still feeling in turmoil.

[rowanwitch]

I think because she is old and unwell she has it in her head I ought to have a man to look after me. I get that but it did make me think

[rowanwitch]

I have no thought of anyone, they would always be second best and that is a wicked thing to do to someone

[10ClarionSt]

A friend of mine had a new partner within one week of burying his wife. She moved in that quick.

[woofgang]

rowan your last comment absolutely nails how I feel.

[Sqad]

rowan.....she mean't well.

All this business about "there will never be another "him" as he was my soulmate etc.etc.......yeah! yeah!....NEVER say NEVER......the right time, the right surroundings the right mood and another "soulmate" may appear............and often does.

I would HATE to be old and lonely and have told mrs sqad to " be aware" of other play makers as i would if she died before me.

No pluses in playing the part of a "martyr."

[jennyjoan]

Rowan - if you have had the best - why would you want the rest. A saying from one of the Golden Girls - Betty White.

[Sqad]

P.S
Many widows go through life living a lifetime crusade.........

[NoMercy]

Having experienced the sheer unbridled joy that is internet dating (that's how I met my husband), I can honestly say that there are a lot of men out there on the rebound. What's even more disturbing is that they're looking for a carbon copy of their ex.

I love my husband very much and I'd be devastated if I ever lost him, but I've made the decision that I would never have another partner if I did lose him. He's also said that he would never have another partner.

It's a personal choice. Firstly no other man would measure up to him and secondly relationships are hard work and being single gives you the most amazing freedom.

[jennyjoan]

A male friend of mine had 3 grownup children but married within one year of his wife's death who had two young children.

[naomi24]

I agree with sqad. I think she meant well too.

[kvalidir]

My lovely ex's Mum was devoted to his Dad who sadly died of complications to lung cancer and they were all devastated, and she had npo thoughts to look for someone else at all as her marriage had been a real love and soulmate match, however someone suggested because she was lonely that she went to a bereavement group and there she met someone who had recently lost his wife again a real love match, and they just fell for each other. this is now 4 years ago, and they are still together and have the most lovely life and adore each other, but not to the detriment of their previous marriages, so yes I think it happens when it comes out of nowhere, and it's lovely it in no way has diminished the love they had for their partners.

[Sqad]

Kvali.......lovely.......;-)

[naomi24]

//relationships are hard work//

If I ever felt that a relationship was hard work, I’d be out of it - pronto.

[ummmm]

They can be hard work. Life throws up things that can be hard to deal with.

[naomi24]

Life certainly does throw up things that are hard to deal with, but dealing with that isn’t the same as having to ‘work hard’ at a relationship. Working hard at trying to be happy with someone is not a happy thing to have to do.