Looking on internet???

[Greyday]

My boyfriend and me had a fall out last year. It lasted about 4 days, but recently I found (via his emails) that in that 4 days, he had registered on a site (basically a sex site) to meet other women. When I confronted him about it, he said, we had finished (ummm 4 days!) Its now festering with me. Any advice?

[ermintrude35]

...why are you reading his e-mails?...

[noxlumos]

So? If you read other people's emails you'll find things you don't like. You weren't together then so forget it.

[lady_p_gold]

Well you either accept that he did this and forgive him, or you decide that you cannot accept it and you do not want to be with him. You can't stay with him and accept it and then complain about it. To be honest once the trust has gone I think it will be a hard slog to keep this relationship going.

[Greyday]

Ermintrude, he told me his password. I was not snooping, was round his, using his pc, in his email account, WITH his permission.

Nox We have been together for 5 years, and we had a 4 day break! Would not of said we were not together!

Thanks Lady P. Yes you are right, the trust has gone. Thanks for making me realise it.

[jno]

well, you can look back now and say it was only four days, but presumably you didn't know at the time that you'd be back together by the end of the week and neither did he. If he thought you'd broken up for good, he'd have been entitled to do what he wanted. (So would you.) A more important question would be whether he continued on the site after you got back together.

As for the trust being gone - he trusts you with his password, even though he knows it'll show what he's been up to. It looks like it's only your trust that's gone, and perhaps it's gone too easily.

[thepodgod]

are you sure it was only to meet women ..........

[Greyday]

Yes but jno. 4 days! hardly counts to me as being a single person again. Especially after being together for years! I guess, I found it hurtful, that he could go on line and try and find someone, when we had not ended the relationship, just had an argument. It was a case, of just not much contact for 4 days. I had no intention of looking for anyone as I had thought it was just a fall out (which it was). Anyway, thank you for your comments.

And I dont know if he went on the site again, but in the back of my mind. I think maybe he has.

Will end this post now. Dont think it will get me anywhere by getting more replies.

Difficult for others to understand, if they have'nt been in the same situation.

But there again, my fault for posting it on here. I did ask for advice. And my fault for not liking what was posted back. Truth hurts I guess.

Thanks again.

[shazbang]

This is like Ross and Rachel in friends - "We were on a break!". Ross slept with another woman while they were on a break (not a break-up). Rachael felt she could never trust him again and ended the relationship. Dont know if that helps. I've registered on those things before just for something to do, didnt mean anything and never actually done anything about it. Most of the people who register for those things aren't really that interested in actually finding someone. Did your fella actually do anything in those 4 days apart from register on a few websites? Sounds pretty harmless to me. Kind of like looking at porn - a lot of fellas do it but that doesn't mean they're not faithful and dont love their wives/girlfriends.

[Frankie Babe]

So a 'break' then is really the worst of both worlds. Not allowed to be with your partner but not allowed to be single either. You're right, never been in that situation before but that's because I've never been in a long term relationship that couldn't survive "just an argument". Anything serious enough in my mind to warrant a 'break' is serious enough to warrant a break-up. How was he to know you'd ever get back together?

Something to consider - he let you have his password and you read his personal emails with his permission. Either he's a total idiot or he wanted to 'get caught'. Like Lady Gold says, either 'forgive' him or not but don't sit there blaming him for something that he can't undo.

[noxlumos]

I'm trul; sorry you are upset greyday but I don't think it's that we don't understand, I think it's that we do.We've all had disappointments with people, you really aren't alone in that.Clearly there is no middle ground, either people are together or they are not and in this case clearly he at least thought you were not.The fact that he didn't pine and chose to go and get on with things doesn't make him any less valuable or any less steadfast. Lady P gold is right, it's all about either trusting him and forgetting about it or getting out because he's not what you want.

[happi_red]

Isn't the point here not so much that he registered on a sex site, but that he did it within days of falling out with a long term partner? I assume you feel hurt greyday because he was "looking for other women" whilst you were feeling down and wishing he would call? Five years is a long time and I'm sure any woman would like to think that if it ended then the guy would pine for a while or try to get you back? At least for longer than 4 days anyway?

But like the others have said, its done, and now you need to decide whether to forgive and forget, because if you forgive you have to leave it alone, else why forgive?

[theren_911]

Like someone mentioned, I was probably just curiosity. I wouldn't worry about it that much. It's unlikely he actually met anyone from the site, or intended to.

How did you fall out (you dont need to post it) would he have a reason to think "Well ****** her! I'll just be a bloke again"

I don't think there should be a trust issue if he didn't do anything, he obviously wasn't hiding this or ashamed of it, or it would be deleted from his email long before you got there.

[Frankie Babe]

I'm sure any woman would like to think that if it ended then the guy would pine for a while or try to get you back

Its that sort of comment that gives girls a bad name. Jeez - if I break up with a bloke its because I don't want to go out with him any more, not because I want to see if he'll make an effort at getting me back. Anyone that dumps a bloke & then gets p*ssed off because he's OK with it has some control issues they need to think through

[Drisgirl]

greyday - just forget it - we all do things we regret.He was probably heartbroken at the time and thought mistakenly someone woudl take him out his misery.

I feel more sorry for him than you funnily enough because he wasnt dealing with it.

Sorry if its not what you wanted to hear but just get on with your lives together - life is way too short - he didnt cheat on you.