ChatterBank1 min ago
Lost a best friend
I don't know what to do, I really want the friendship we had back but she doesn't seem to want ot make an effort. Today we were meant to do something together but she decided to go out with my friends and ended up drinking.
She doesn't understand how much she hurts me, I have even tried to commit suicide once, but didn't have enough bottle.
I don't know what to do. Whatever I say or do, she doesn't realise how important she is to me and how upset she is making me.
Please help.
Answers
No best answer has yet been selected by amazingtoxic. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.Hi there. I may not be able to help a great deal, but I've been in a similar situation and know how much it hurts. I hope that at least, writing down the way you feel has helped you a little bit. No one should underestimate how much losing a friend can hurt, it's like being bereaved or a partner leaving.
What your friend is doing sounds rather unfair and definitely upsetting. It also seems like that perhaps her drinking is out of control and im sure that this is part of what worries you. Have you tried talking to her about her behaviour?
You can try all you can to repair your relationship, but consider this for one moment. If she chooses not to change and acts the same way to you, you may have to accept that the friendship is over. This is going to hurt but would it be preferable to spend some time alone, discovering what is good about you, or spend time being hurt and damaged by someone you care for dearly.
However low you feel, remember that although at times it feels like the world doesnt want you in it, forgetting all spirituality, you are here for a reason. There are people who love you and want you in their lives, the best of these people you perhaps have not even met.
Stay strong. You are more than just a sum of the people you meet. If you think it might help, perhaps maintain a distance between you for a while. If she comes to her senses, she may come crying to you. But are you prepared to forgive and forget the way she hurts you?
I dont have any answers for you, but wanted to reply so you know you had a little support out here. Sending a big hug your way. nic.
Hey .. Sorry to here about your friend ship.. But listen people cant change because YOU want them to.. She will have to want to change oh her own.. and My advice would be for you to stay away from her until if ever she does get better... Its not worth the hurt you are going through...
And listen, friend do change.. Im only 26 and I have gone through so many friends just because we grow apart and life takes us down different roads.. You will be lucky to make at least 1 true best friend in your whole life time.. Move on with your life and enjoy it.. We only have one life.. dont let someone like her get you down.. besides if she is going to treat you like crap, its because she is jelous of you..
GOOD LUCK!!! JEN
Thank you all so much for your answers, keep them coming. I need all the advice I can get right now.
I try to talk to her but it usually ends in a row. She just does't understand where I am coming from (one of the main reasons I have given up trying to talk to her about how I feel) or she agrees to try hard and then something bugs her and she gives up. I just wish she would make the effort to save something that is or was worth saving, I guess you could say she never sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
I try to act like I don't care but I really do and I will really miss her but I guess she isn't interested in me, only in her other mates. I don't understand why, she gets drunk and they laugh at her, it's as though she is there source of fun for the night but she doesn't see that and I don't want to tell her in case it hurts her feelings or it get back to them.
I try not to make it sound like I am telling her what to do, I just care.
We are both 20 (this is where I get a load of people writing in telling me how sad I am and I need to grow up)
Thanks again for your help everyone.
She is an alcoholic. There isn't anything you can do about it. She has to want to change herself for any improvement to occur. Alcoholism controls her when she's drinking and when she is sober.
Someday, when she becomes a recovering alcoholic, she may again perceive of you as a true friend. Until that time you should simply treat her with understanding, kindness and compassion (and thank your lucky stars that you're not in her shoes).
Meanwhile, seek new friendships. Don't be afraid of establishing a new best friend relationship with someone else.
This situation is not of your doing, so don't take it personally. Move on and start regaining your life. Time will heal all wounds.
This is simply one of life's hurdles that has been placed in your path that you are meant to overcome.
All the best friendships go through downs as well as ups, and in life, most people suffer these nasty dips. She is obviously troubled at the moment, and therefore is drinking to "forget" her problems. She is not dealing with it at all, hence not letting you in to help her. She is lashing out instead, making rude remarks about your family. It's tough, but I think you need to be there for her. Friendship is more important in the long run.
Why not write her a letter, explaining that you are very sad that things are so difficult at the moment, but that you love her and will always be her friend, and that you there for her if she wants to talk. You will be the bigger person here, offering the olive branch. If that makes no difference to her, then obviously she still needs to work through this crisis of hers, without you.
You should also meet up with one or two of your other, mutual friends, and chat to them about how this is affecting your life, and how sad you are. If they are any sort of mates, they will try their best to help you BOTH. Your friend may just need some space away from you. I remember at school when my best friend started drinking and going around with nasty people. She slagged me off to them, and they would laugh at me.It was so hurtful, but looking back, I realised that she just needed to go through her "rebellious" phase, and not hang out with me.
Good luck.x