How far into a relationship...

[curiouskatie]

How soon into a relationship should you tell the other person if you don't ever want children?
Too soon and it's a bit too intense, and too late and it's a bit like selling something under false pretences if they do want kids!

[redcrx]

i think it needs to talked about briefly fairly soon into a relationship. There is no point wasting everyones time if the relationship is not viable.

Im not saying you have to go into full details of why you dont want kids but at least mention it in passing

[jno]

yes - perhaps it's too late for this, but I'm with redcrx: mention it casually as early as possible to anyone you might consider having a relationship with (even before you've started one). Gives him time to back out - or not - before anyone gets hurt.

[steviep165]

definately with redcrx on this one, could you imagine if you didnt tell him........ the relationship could be gowing amazing for a couple of years then BOOM.... its over. sort it now so you both know where you stand.

[Octavius]

Not only mention it casually but if this is how you feel, then you need to be very clear that you won't be convinced otherwise. A relationship can develop under the guise that maybe one day you may change your mind, but if you are sure this will never happen, then you need to be clear about it, so that they are under no delusions.

I think as soon as a realtionship has started to 'go steady' (i.e. not one or two dates) then this could come up in general conversation, even if instigated by you.

[curiouskatie]

I'm not actually seeing anyone so it's not an issue at the moment, but it's caused problems in the past!
(I was silly and assumed that a man I'd known as a friend all my adult life and shared a flat with all through uni would have more of an idea that I'm not the maternal type!)

[Hellion]

Yeah I agree with Redcrx - and at a later date make it clear you are not likely to change your mind (although you may - I was adamant I didn't want kids and one day my biological alarm started clanging!) my friend also never wanted kids and married a man who thought she would change her mind ,but she never has and although they are together and love each other it has left a sadness in his life that she was unwilling, and is now unable to fill.

[B00]

Never say never katie....

I spent 16 years after the birth of my 1st child to say I was NEVER having another one.....now here I am with a 21 month old...heh!

You may surprise yourself in the future by changing your mind about not wanting children, so tell your partner that FOR NOW you don't want sproglets.

[jno]

much as I sympathise with B00's maternal urges, I disagree with her. If you just tell him you don't want babies at the moment, that leaves him hoping; and if he wants children himself, he's going to be disappointed when you do not, after all, change your mind.

Of course it's also tough if, having got a husband who agrees with you, you then change your mind when you hear a clock ticking. In fact, it's always tricky changing any long and passionately held belief.

[curiouskatie]

I very much doubt I'll ever change my mind about kids. That's what people were saying to me 10 years ago!
The older I get the less I want children. As harsh as it may sound to a parent, I just can't stand to be around them.