what's best to do

[confused79]

If you suspect your partner has been unfaithful with their ex, and have been told by the ex that this happened, and have been warned about this ex (by family, friends etc)that she is devious and wanting to split you and your partner up. Your partner denies any thing happened till they are blue in the face. Your partner previosuly cheated on this ex when he was with her. Would you believe your partner, you love them and want to be with them but there is this element of doubt as some things dont add up. You want to believe nothing happened but are so confused. Can anyone give advice in what they would do, obviously this is situtaion i am in and just dont know what to do anymore!

[marley2000]

the problem is you cannot possibly know unless your partner owned up or if he was caught. my boyfriend cheated on me last year and i asked him about the woman (who was from his work) and whether anything had happened and he swore on his life that nothing had. men can easily lie and make you feel guilty for even doubting them. has he explained what was happening in their relationship when he cheated on her? Do you have any proof? the problem is, if you truly believed he would never cheat on you you wouldn't doubt him. if theres lack of trust you have to look at whether u want to really be with him. has that helped at all or confused u more?! let us know xxx

[confused79]

Its not confused me more, its just i have no proof no.
He cheated on his ex as she used to be very voilent towards him and would ignor him alot and their sex life was bad.
Its totally opposite with us, we have good sex life good affectionate relationship. I want to trust him obviously, but as i have been cheated on in the past very badly not by him (he admitted it) there has always been this element of mistrust in most people from me.
So that probably dont help, just feel liek in going insane with all the questions that keep going round in my head. x

[teag1rl]

If you believe in your partner don't ruin things by pestering him about this. His ex is probably pretty twisted. Let it be. He's with you now. Hope you get your head sorted x

[raysparx1]

you really are confused aren't you, before his ex said anything, did you suspect he was up to naughties with anybody ? is your sex life just as it was,how often you do it I mean ? if it is,it is very unlikely he is doing anything wrong, sounds to me like her plan to split you up is working, and if you are beginning to distrust him, Why would you do that if all is perfect ? if somebody told me my wife was having an affair with an ex, I would laugh at them, not because it would be impossible,but because I trust her 200%, hope you sort it,for both your sakes, good luck, Ray

[marley2000]

ray has a good point. did you mistrust him before? it doesn't help that you've been hurt before, it makes you lose all your faith in men. but it'll have to be to case of 'innocent until proven guilty'. you just have to take a risk. if he's cheated you're better off without him but if he hasn't and you keep testing him he will leave. put your trust in him and keep strong.xxx

[confused79]

thanks for all your advice but found out yesterday it did happen! in some ways its sorted my head out cos nonw i know i wasnt just going insane with thinking something happened. But at the same time my heart feels like its been ripped out.
He says she made a pass it went from there basically then he says he stopped it half way as he said he couldnt go through with it.
Our sex life never changed its always been good and active.
What now i cant understand is why, he says he hates her and when i asked her why she said she did it out of hate? how do you coprehend that.
I feel like i have mug written all over me and that cheaters are just attracted to me, ive never ever cheated on anyone and it makes me start to think maybe i should just not give my heart to anyone, cos they just screw it up and throw it away.
I really really do love him still i want to hate him but i cant, i hate what hes done, just cant hate him.
This may sound stuipd but i beleive him when he says he loves me, he says he worships me and hates himself for it happening. I just dont know if it'll work if ill ever be able to trust him again or anyone for that matter.
But how do you get over something like this especially when my ex of 14 years did it to me too? it took me a while to get over what he did, build myself back up again and now ive been knocked back down in the gutter!

[marley2000]

to a certain extent everyone deserves a second chance. but can you look at him and truly believe that he wouldn't do it again? do you believe him when he says he wouldn't do it again? how did u find out? did he tell you? i don't know if u should trust him if he has just stopped seeing her coz he was caught but if he owned up it should mean that he feels bad enough which means he may love you and he was just stupid and weak. i want you to look at why you would stay with him. love isn't enough. can u see yourself forgiving him? would u be staying with him because you're scared of not finding someone else or the thought of having to go through all that break up pain? don't stay with him because you're scared of the 'getting over him'. you know that in time you would be ok. let us knowxxx