Wife, children,home.

[Aden34]

My wife of 18 years as suddenly this New years day 2007 told me she no longer loves me.Of course i am devasted as we have a 9 year old girl and a 13 year old boy whom i love deeply and i also still love my wife.She as stated she wants me to leave but i am unsure legally where i may stand in the future if i just pack my things and go.I am in a bit of an emotional state so don't want to mess things up for myself.I am financially better off than her so could keep the house and even maybe the children, but would walking out go against me in the laws eyes in the future.Also if i decided to stay could she legally force me to go , as both names are on the mortgage and if i went would i still have to pay every single bill.
Any advise would be truly welcome and appreciated.
What a great website this is, thank you.

[NORMANTHEDOG]

consult a solicitor

[Ethel]

The best advice you will get is to see a family lawyer.

Good luck.

[Catso]

DON'T just leave the home without getting legal advice on the implications and consequences.

[Aden34]

Thank you Ethel and Catso for taking the time to read and reply to my question.I think your right i really do need to see a lawyer of some sorts,I have been speaking to a close mate this morning who went through similar circumstance and he was told to stay put, as its not to my advantage if it goes to a divorce court and it looks like i just abandoned the family.
Is'nt it strange that when the partner makes a major decision in their lives it seems to only destroy the other.Life just is'nt fair.Wishing i was female now.
Thank you.

[dwolf]

hi aden 34 ,im going through same thing as you ,check down the list of questions.il try and keep you informed of anything that maybe of use to us both.i know its hard but try to stay strong.

[Mrs_Pegasus]

Stay put. She has made the decision so let her go! I am assuming she hasnt tried to talk to you about her feelings? Have you had an inkling this was going to happen? Please talk to the children and try and keep them informed on what is going on. Sometimes, without meaning to do so, adults get so wrapped up in their emotions they 'forget' that the children are going to be emotionally affected. I hope that has come out right, I did a similar thing, thinking i was handling the situation well but never realising that my daughter was picking up on the atmosphere. I suggest that you suggest to your wife that she goes and has some time out but whatever you do, dont leave.

[Aden34]

Hi dwolf,
thank you very much for your encouraging reply.I have just read your question and i really feel for you as i can understand just how you must feel at the moment.Sick to the stomach, lonely,scared and hurt, life does'nt seem fair to me.I have a great job , no money worries love my children and wife but it seems this just is'nt enough for my wife.I have to do whats best for my kids , but i dont want to wreck any chance of me getting back on my feet in the future.
I,ll keep you informed on what the family lawyer tells me this week.

[madman06]

aden speak to your wife mate it might just be the hours your working,some 1 your working with if you can work a womans mind out mate let me know and ill patent it gladly,good luck feel 4 you and kids

[Aden34]

Hi madman, i have sat down and had a couple of discussions with my wife and even went for a meal lastnight, but nothing as changed the way she feels.She just says she's changed the way she feels about me and cannot see a future with me.I have had a couple of days off work and my boss has been brilliant, i only work a 48 hour week and spend almost every evening with her and kids, weekends i take my daughter with me to watch my son play football and give the wife a day to herself.
Hey i'm not suggesting i am perfect by no means but i am a decent person who feels very hard done by.I lose everything and she just carries on, access to kids will never be an issue hopefully and i have suggested she leaves but she just laughed and said "what with out my children , you must be joking ", yet thats what she expects me to do and i'm the happy one.
I can't thank everyone enough for there replies and its nice to know that i wont be the first or last to go through this.
Thanks

[PollyT]

So sorry to hear about this. It's a horrible thing to have to go through for all involved, but particularly hard to take when you haven't done anything 'wrong'. Good wishes to you and fingers crossed for you to find a positive way forward.

[Nether Edge]

Best of luck.
Remind your wife that they're not "her" children. They aren't furniture or CD collections, to be divided up on a cash basis, but just small humans terrified at the disruption to their little lives.
Unless she's good at parthenogenesis, child production takes two; as the slogan says, "Families need fathers", although they need mothers too. Both you adults should exercise some restraint, in their interests.

[luluthagr8]

Hello. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am not an Attorney but do advise that you get one. Do not leave the house until you have seeked legal advise...who knows maybe she'll be the one who has to leave....both of your names are on the mortgage so that is still y our home. Best of Luck...are you in the New Jersey area?

[dwolf]

hi aden34 iv been for some advice this week and they have told me not to leave the house ,even though the the situation is more than strained,to say the least. as for u paying the bills if your name is on them (yes )you do pay or risk being blacklisted.catch 22 seams to fit ,im off this wednesday to a meeting ,will let u know the outcome.bfn.dwolf

[nancy morgan]

Sadly more men walk out on their women than the other way around. For me it was after 28 years. The hurt and bewilderment just seem to go on and on at first. But it does get easier little by little I promise. Don't walk away, talk to your children, always remind yourself that you and your wife are the adults. Get legal advice, there are a lot of good websites (Google in divorce). I feel badly for all of you. Good luck.