friendship vs relationship

[oligopoly]

hi there. can anyone explain to me what the difference is between two people who are best friends and two people who are in love and in a relationship. is the only difference a sexual one? is there any difference in how a male perceives the difference to be compared with how a female does?

[legend758duo]

yes.

definitely

[oligopoly]

elaborate ?

[cheries]

It depends if the best friends thing is one with "benefits"

[China Doll]

There is a difference in how you're viewed, it's not just sexual.

I've two quite close male friends who have both more or less said that they a girlfriend who's like me but not me. (And I don't want anyone who's remotely like either of them!) So there's just something within the friendships that keeps them as friendships. It's not physical either as they're both good looking lads in their way and I know that they both think I'm physically attractive.

I don't really know what it is. An invisible line maybe. We like each other as human beings, our sex doesn't really come in to it. (Well, 'cept when they're trying to decipher something a female has said to them).

[4GS]

I had a girl friend who was not a girlfriend if you know what I mean, we were best friends, but, one night we were back at her place as usual, sharing a pizza and chatting about putting the world to rights. This time, I don't know what happened but we ended up in bed together, we always said it would never happen as we didn't fancy each other. To cut a long story short, we had a one night stand and after that, the friendship changed, things wern't the same as before and we drifted apart.

[China Doll]

It doesn't always change the relationship for the worse though... sleeping with your friends I mean.

[SKA]

I�m pretty close to a guy and we�re friends but for some reason people always think were a couple.
I don�t understand it, but I know we would NEVER sleep together. Maybe it�s because he�s not my type and I�m not his type! We�re more like brother and sister!

[barbrajay]

Hi oligopoly,

Ideally, the two people in love and in a physical relationship, should also be best friends! The differences are quite subtle: you can talk about things with a best friend that you can't always do with a partner and get an objective, unbiassed opinion or advice. There's loyalty too, and someone there that you can rely on, through thick and thin, without having to see them all the time, or constantly be on the phone. I am blessed with having two such friends, for the past 35 years!

With a partner, things get more personal and there's a very old, but true adage: "you always hurt the one you love". Expectations of a friendship in a "relationship" are always higher and, when not met, often cause discontent and arguments. Best friends tend to take each other at face value, "wharts and all".

Hope this has been helpful!

Barbrajay

[oligopoly]

thanks for your answers - in particular China Doll and barbrajay. my girlfriend of a year wants to break up with me as she sees us as just friends. i was just curious to hear people's opinions on what the differences between the 2 are.

[jordielaz]

but that's a different question altogether - you have already been in a 'relationship' so there's history there. You'll find it very difficult to keep the friendship up unless both of yu make an effort - the old 'friends with benefits' is just a way of using someone - no such thing as sex without feelings in my opinion, some poor sod always ends up getting hurt....

[barbrajay]

oligopoly, it sounds like your girlfriend actually wants to move on because her feelings now aren't the same as yours, even though she still cares for you. I hate to say it, but that's life sometimes! Maybe a break from each other is what you both need to appreciate whether what you had is special or not. Hope it works out for you, either way.

[sophie_1003]

people who are just friends can (i think) forgive each other a lot easier than those in a relationship, for example, I'd get way more annoyed if my boyfriend cancelled a date than if a friend did. Neither situation causes less inconvenience but I'd be more ready to be annoyed at my boyfriend than at a friend! Maybe it's just me though!

[gill3891]

Well, I can only say that I have some guy friends who will always be just guy friends, but my best friends of all are girls and my boyfriend. I don't believe that you can't get an unbiased opinion from your partner, my partner's opinion is the one I value the most in the world as we know eachother that well, we can be totrally honest with eachother. If your g/f wants to break up coz yobecause you are too good friends, then my suggestion is to break up and hopefully she can be someone you talk abpout future relationships. It may seem hard at the min, but you will probably benefit from it in the future. Good luck!