ChatterBank5 mins ago
help me i don't no wot 2 do
17 Answers
as you know mr.grape left me i have a 1 year old and am 3 months pregnant, i love him and want him back
1) do i keep begging him to stay with me?
2) how often should i let him see his 1 yr old
3) do i keep this baby and do it alone
4) how should i behave when i see him
He came round yesterday and i literatelly got down on my knees and begged him not to leave me but he said he has no feelings for me and needs a break and will let me know if he wants me back in weeks time
1) do i keep begging him to stay with me?
2) how often should i let him see his 1 yr old
3) do i keep this baby and do it alone
4) how should i behave when i see him
He came round yesterday and i literatelly got down on my knees and begged him not to leave me but he said he has no feelings for me and needs a break and will let me know if he wants me back in weeks time
Answers
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Begging him to stay will not convince him to, I'm talking as I'm a complete b4stard and my last wife did exactly the same thing, I thought it made her look pathetic and desperate. So.... here's my advice if you still want it
1) No no no
2) 1 year seems very young, can you insist that he takes him to his parents?
3) Yes, and yes
4) As if nothing is bothering you and you are getting on fine without him
1) No no no
2) 1 year seems very young, can you insist that he takes him to his parents?
3) Yes, and yes
4) As if nothing is bothering you and you are getting on fine without him
What a complete a'hole.
If his feelings have gone then that is fair enough, I mean, sometimes you do fall out of love with someone.
the thing that he needs to think about is that you are pregnant with his child and he needs to show some backbone.
If he wants you back in a week then great, and I hope you manage to work it out.
If he doesn't then you need to establish what he intends to do about his children.
At the end of the day, they are the most important people in this situation.
Regarding keeping the baby, do you have support that you can rely on with childcare or having someone there for you?
Keep pride in yourself, it is his problem and you haven't done anything wrong.
Definitely don't beg for him to come back or he will use this to his advantage. ideally, he should be begging you to take him back.
Don't stand for any crap from him and set out some rules if he does decide to not come back. If he comes back then he has to show that he is committed, especally if you decide to keep the child with him.
Good luck though, be strong and keep your chin up.
K x
If his feelings have gone then that is fair enough, I mean, sometimes you do fall out of love with someone.
the thing that he needs to think about is that you are pregnant with his child and he needs to show some backbone.
If he wants you back in a week then great, and I hope you manage to work it out.
If he doesn't then you need to establish what he intends to do about his children.
At the end of the day, they are the most important people in this situation.
Regarding keeping the baby, do you have support that you can rely on with childcare or having someone there for you?
Keep pride in yourself, it is his problem and you haven't done anything wrong.
Definitely don't beg for him to come back or he will use this to his advantage. ideally, he should be begging you to take him back.
Don't stand for any crap from him and set out some rules if he does decide to not come back. If he comes back then he has to show that he is committed, especally if you decide to keep the child with him.
Good luck though, be strong and keep your chin up.
K x
Hi oldgrape,
My heart really does go out to you just now.
Many years ago, I went through almost and identical situation with my ex Husband. I did not plead with him to stay though but I did have the same feelings for him as you have for your Husband.
I did answer your last question when he left last week. I have to say that in my case, there was another woman involved to which I knew nothing about and he denied it totally for some months after that.
If he has no feelings for you, lethim go and make a new life for yourself. It will not be easy, but you will get there and have the comfort of your children.
The less you see of him at the moment the better as the way you feel will torment you every time you see him.
Hold your head up high. Try to let him see you don't care.
If things do not work out, then there is someone out there for you who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
Please keep us posted. Hang in there, you have your kids! Take care. x
My heart really does go out to you just now.
Many years ago, I went through almost and identical situation with my ex Husband. I did not plead with him to stay though but I did have the same feelings for him as you have for your Husband.
I did answer your last question when he left last week. I have to say that in my case, there was another woman involved to which I knew nothing about and he denied it totally for some months after that.
If he has no feelings for you, lethim go and make a new life for yourself. It will not be easy, but you will get there and have the comfort of your children.
The less you see of him at the moment the better as the way you feel will torment you every time you see him.
Hold your head up high. Try to let him see you don't care.
If things do not work out, then there is someone out there for you who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
Please keep us posted. Hang in there, you have your kids! Take care. x
oldgrape, im so sorry to hear this love.
You must not beg him, it will distance him from you even more, i know its easy for em to say but hold your head up high and get on without him! If he sees you coping fine without him it might, and i mean might, make him stop and think!
However, you cant force someone to love you and if its gone then there is no more you can do except move on and find someone worthy of giving you back the love you show them.
I would say let him see baby grape as and when he wants to. I think thats important. I have recently become separated and my hubby is hardly seeing my little man, i find that so sad!
You will soon start to feel stronger again and believe me when i say, its babygrape who swill see you through this!
Big hugs xxx
(sorry but i cant advise you on whether to keep your pregnancy going, thats too tough a call and a decision you have to make alone) :-) all the best!
You must not beg him, it will distance him from you even more, i know its easy for em to say but hold your head up high and get on without him! If he sees you coping fine without him it might, and i mean might, make him stop and think!
However, you cant force someone to love you and if its gone then there is no more you can do except move on and find someone worthy of giving you back the love you show them.
I would say let him see baby grape as and when he wants to. I think thats important. I have recently become separated and my hubby is hardly seeing my little man, i find that so sad!
You will soon start to feel stronger again and believe me when i say, its babygrape who swill see you through this!
Big hugs xxx
(sorry but i cant advise you on whether to keep your pregnancy going, thats too tough a call and a decision you have to make alone) :-) all the best!
1) never beg youre wasting your time.
2) as often as hewants ,hes the father , and i dont think he needs any help or supervision.
3) im sure you will do whats best for you.if you dont keep it you can never reverse that .
and it may wello be on your concience forever.
you alone must decide.
4) behave like normal.
but have some respect for yourself.
dont beg .
it seems that he has no feelings for you.
if this is true then you have no choice but to get on with it.
been there done it.stings a bit at first.
but given time .
ive said before that in my life ive found that after every heartache or breakup ive only gone on to find someone better , more loving and more caring.
there are some fantastic and wonderful people out there .
give them time and they will find you .
2) as often as hewants ,hes the father , and i dont think he needs any help or supervision.
3) im sure you will do whats best for you.if you dont keep it you can never reverse that .
and it may wello be on your concience forever.
you alone must decide.
4) behave like normal.
but have some respect for yourself.
dont beg .
it seems that he has no feelings for you.
if this is true then you have no choice but to get on with it.
been there done it.stings a bit at first.
but given time .
ive said before that in my life ive found that after every heartache or breakup ive only gone on to find someone better , more loving and more caring.
there are some fantastic and wonderful people out there .
give them time and they will find you .
I can only ditto what everyone else has said -just wanted to add that I sooo feel for you.
I also would keep my distance -out of sight out of mind to a certain extent.Please try to be almost aloof/nonchalant when you do have to see him.At the very least you have one fab baby and another on the way out your relationship.
Take care xxx
I also would keep my distance -out of sight out of mind to a certain extent.Please try to be almost aloof/nonchalant when you do have to see him.At the very least you have one fab baby and another on the way out your relationship.
Take care xxx
Grape: I find this to be heart-breaking. I can imagine that you might not only feel discounted and with low confidence right now, you must also feel frightened. Other contributors are correct. There is light ahead, although I�m sure it certainly doesn�t feel this way right now.
I feel you may be at a point where you should consider seeking legal advice. Not only has he deserted you, he has deserted your baby. This leaves all of you in a vulnerable position. And if I may, I don�t feel it is an equal balance for you to be thinking subserviently to him, as well as thinking how often he may see your child.
He needs to respect his responsibilities and this may require some legal steps to remind him that he simply shouldn�t walk away and return whenever he likes.
Is there a local citizen�s advice bureau nearby that you may contact? I would feel better if you did this sooner rather than later. It�s in the best interest of your children. I would also say that this added stress is not healthy for your unborn child. Receiving some sound advice could help provide you with some direction as well as being calming.
I understand the emotion of the moment, however, falling on your knees and begging merely places him at an advantage over you. It most likely leaves him feeling that he may control and manipulate you and your emotions in any way he so chooses. Whatever the circumstances, this is not acceptable.
I wish you the very best
Fr Bill
I feel you may be at a point where you should consider seeking legal advice. Not only has he deserted you, he has deserted your baby. This leaves all of you in a vulnerable position. And if I may, I don�t feel it is an equal balance for you to be thinking subserviently to him, as well as thinking how often he may see your child.
He needs to respect his responsibilities and this may require some legal steps to remind him that he simply shouldn�t walk away and return whenever he likes.
Is there a local citizen�s advice bureau nearby that you may contact? I would feel better if you did this sooner rather than later. It�s in the best interest of your children. I would also say that this added stress is not healthy for your unborn child. Receiving some sound advice could help provide you with some direction as well as being calming.
I understand the emotion of the moment, however, falling on your knees and begging merely places him at an advantage over you. It most likely leaves him feeling that he may control and manipulate you and your emotions in any way he so chooses. Whatever the circumstances, this is not acceptable.
I wish you the very best
Fr Bill
oldgrape sorry to hear about your troubles it was only last week that i saw all the support you had from people on AB that really care about you, it took my breath away. it"s true that anger is a better feeling than feeling hurt............ time is a great healer, it just seems such a long way away now! best of luck to you and your little une. take care xx
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I'm so sorry to hear that Oldgrape. I really feel for you.
My ex and i split up when i was pregnant, and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. For me it was dealing with the anger that was the worst.
I know it's a difficult time for you right now, but focus on that wee life growing inside, and baby grape, gain your strength through them.
You can and you will do it alone, i know it's a daunting thought, but you are strong and you've done it before.
Take care oldgrape, thinking of you, lots of love x x
My ex and i split up when i was pregnant, and it was a rollercoaster of emotions. For me it was dealing with the anger that was the worst.
I know it's a difficult time for you right now, but focus on that wee life growing inside, and baby grape, gain your strength through them.
You can and you will do it alone, i know it's a daunting thought, but you are strong and you've done it before.
Take care oldgrape, thinking of you, lots of love x x
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