Last chance...

[blu3wave]

This person I've met a couple of times, has been evasive about his life, past etc. I want to give him an ultimatum about either being honest with me or ending it, for good.
As I'm tired and fed up and I'd like to know where I stand .... if he's not really that interested, I'd like to forget it and keep looking for someone else instead of wasting my time guessing about everything....
Should I write him a note or should I confront him about this? I will not be calling him on the phone until I clear this up in any case.
So how should I tell him?

[blu3wave]

Any advice appreciated .... soon I hope, thx.

[cazzz1975]

if he is evasive then he is not interested, he obviously feels he cant open up to you. maybe there is something off putting about you that would make him repel.

[excelsior]

these things are always best done face to face - a letter is not enough


you can expand upon your thoughts when you talk, and you can react to his response there and then.

good luck

[blu3wave]

face to face is not possible for now, as we're living far apart.
I think he's not too interested either, but i dont thikn its me, i think he has something to hide about himself or his past. I know I would react the same if I didnt feel comfortable about something..... only in this case, if he cant be honest, then I dont it going very far at all. It just cant work the way it is right now.

[cazzz1975]

didnt you post a similar question as feist a few weeks ago?

[blu3wave]

don't change the subject, just try to answer the question,ok?

[cazzz1975]

I cant do that, Im too old to remember questions, you should watch that blu3, looks like you forgot your old name..

I will find my bins then look at the question again because I have forgot what I have just typed..

who are you again?

[blu3wave]

I think I'm going to give him the note, if he cant be bothered to tell me the truth why should I care how I give him the ultimatum.
If its not going to work, there's nothing really that I can do. I've been honest about practically everything, if he cant be the same with me, then there's no point in this stupid pathetic relationship that will probably end later than sooner... so why not finish it sooner? Any more thoughts from anyone, and I dont mean you cazz!

[excelsior]

i think you are correct to make that decision.

any relationship - especially an intimate one must have, as its' foundation, trust ... if he is hiding facts from you then any relatioship is doomed.

you will find someone with whom you have a trustful relationship.

once again --- good luck

[blu3wave]

I think you're right too, if there's no trust, there's no point. As I've said before, I've been as honest as I can with him, yet he finds it hard to do the same. And now he's been pestering to call me and chat all the time, which is hard, as I am not sure who I'm talking to, if that makes any sense. I just wanted to know more about him, before it got too serious but it looks like this is where we part our separate ways....
I hope we can still be friends but I don't want anything more if this relationship is going nowhere...I hope he sees my point.

[Sasha13]

I can't quite believe I'm going to answer a question from blu3wave, but a sensible question deserves a serious answer, so here goes.


I wouldn't write him off just yet - you don't know why he's acting the way he is. You're understandably fed up with this but try not to let emotion mean that you sound needy when giving this ultimatum.

What I would say (and personally I'd try to do it over the phone rather than in a letter) is something along the lines of

I think that you're being less than honest and I would expect anyone that I'm seeing to be totally upfront with me.

Then leave it and see what he says.

Like I said - don't get emotional about it - just make sure that he knows that you respect yourself enough to not put up with someone hiding something from you.

[caz247]

you are nothing but a walter mitty character
the fact that anyone on here would give you a serious answer beggars belief

[Reverandfunk]

Start as you mean to go on.

Met a couple of times and giving ultimatums? Aint going to be loves young dream I'm afraid lol, call him a taxi

[blu3wave]

Well, I'm willing to hear him out but if its too complicated and he's not ready or is happily married with teenagers and doesn't want anything more etc that's fine with me too. I'd just like to know, thats all.