don't know what to make of it....

[blu3wave]

if your partner/bf/whatever said they didnt want any children, or a family but you did, would there be any future in the relationship? Not wanting to have children, is it a sign of Lack of committment? So in case, after a couple of months, you get bored of your partner, you can always move on and find someone else .... or is it just a retarded biological gene that exists in the partner, who'd rather die childless and alone, with some stray cats or dogs as their only family in the whole world?

[blu3wave]

well??? just this once I'm willing to hear your old fashioned/out dated views so plz dont be too scared to post. ok?

[tubeway]

It is difficult for me to answer as I am happily married with 2 (grown up) children that we both wanted - but some people do not want children, its as simple as that. It does not show that they can not commit. I have friends who have been happily married for a long time and just do not want children. Some people think that the world is overpopulated enough and do not want to add to that. Some might say that they do not want to bring their children into the type of society/world environment that we have today. Making immature comments about a partner who may not want children for various reasons does not help either.
It is for you to decide - if you want children sooo badly that you do not care what your partner thinks, then you are better off out of the relationship (as are they). If your partner means enough to you that you will listen to their opinion then it may be worth staying together. They may want children later - when your relationship has developed more.
You need to decide for yourself.

[tubeway]

I was not scared - but reading your second post has proved even more that maybe you have some growing up to do before you are ready to bring children into the world.

[blu3wave]

well, dont need to lecture me just coz you have kids, I am not a child you know.

Yes, I'll need to think about it a bit more, of course they could mean not now but later, which is natural and that's how things Normally happen......... I feel though that he's not too sure about what he wants. Not the most decisive/honest person I've ever met, I have to say...

[blu3wave]

Also, I think I've given him enough chances to communicate exactly what it is he wants... and he still mumbles and beats about the bush and starts to lie and contradict himself and then I get bored and tell him to shut up.

Is it my fault he has problems communicating? I have a feeling it's his faulty genes after all.

[cazzz1975]

Depends how long the relationship is, how mature the guy is, If its a short relationship (under a year) then naturally its too short a time for him to think about that kind of thing. There is still so much to learn about each other without talking about lifetime commitments.

I wouldnt call it a lack of commitment, If the relationship has been years with no change of viewpoint then maybe its time to talk about what you both want from the relationship and if kids are not on his list then if it were me it would be time to move on and stop wasting my time.

[cazzz1975]

surely if he has all these faulty genes, why would you want to inflict a baby with the same problems?

[blu3wave]

I think so, only this person doesnt seem to stick to his viewpoint very often so its hard to tell exactl what his viewpoint is on anything.

I'd already decided that if he was completely agaisnt a family/kids then clearly we didnt have the same ideas about our relatioship, therefore it was doomed to end.... Now I just need to confirm this before I can decide what ot do next.

[Pea Pod]

I never wanted children but my husband did. We had two daughters but it has always been a bone of contention between us. We have been married for 37 years and now it is hard for me having grandchildren as the old feelings of discontentment are back. You might think that I am rather nasty. I cannot explain it myself but it has caused me great distress over the years. I see my friends with their grandchildren and wish I could be the same as them but I`m not.

[cazzz1975]

why did you have kids if you didnt want them peapod? A divorce would have been less stressful...

[blu3wave]

peapod.... not sure what you're getting at, but is it that you dont want to have kids because you'd rather not be called a 'grandad' or grandma' in future?? I can imagne the truama of that myself.

[cazzz1975]

about the same as being called mom

[blu3wave]

If this person is quite old, may have an ex-wife or 2 and some grown up kids....... then would this person want to start over and have a family?

Any thoughts from you numbskulls appreciated.

[bladski]

I think humans are born with the inner need to recreate life, being a believer in God I think that he put that desire into us and that is part of His plan for us to recreate and have children, of course not all of us can, some have medical problems or what not but if someone just says they don't want to I would definitely not want to be with that person in the long run.... I think that's weird if u don't want kids, but I guess to each his/her own!

[cazzz1975]

very doubtful!, if they have baggage they are even less inclined to do that all over again.

[blu3wave]

Yes yes, thanks for reiterating all the previous posts, bladski, have you got any answers re. my Q though??

[blu3wave]

Cazz, thats true, esp if he's quite old,,,, not the nicest thing to start changing nappies and bibs when you're hitting old age and already have grown up kids from other ex wives etc, is it?

[cazzz1975]

exactly, when the kids have grown up you want to travel the world and have fun, not sit in some sh!thole with a nagging gf and a screaming baby driving you up the wall.

[Pea Pod]

I just never had the maternal instinct.I took depression tablets since my children were born untill they were in their teens.I probably spoiled them and did more for them because of this underlying guilt I have felt.I have tried to look after my grandchildren but this wave of depression comes over me and I can`t cope. I tried to seek help but in those days nobody wanted to know.

[ChocolatChip]

Hmmm, well in my views. I'm still quite young and I'm still reasonably early into a relationship (just over a year) but if my partner said he didn't want kids I'd be gutted. We've talked about it a little, and he said we will in the future, but definitely not right now. (Although if you've seen some of my posts, you would know that I have had some cravings for a baby)

I don't think it's a case of not lack of commitment to you, just that they don't want the responsibilty of children. I find that a lot of men (and some women) just don't want to grow up, and as pea pod (I think was stating) would have to admit that they are getting older, and can't have the 'wild' lifestyle that they have or simply think they have.

But I guess it would depend on the couple on whether they could continue a long term relationship without children. If you simply couldn't bear the thought of not having children, then yes, eventually you'd have to either come to some kind of agreement, go seperate ways, etc.

I know many couples, older and younger who don't and haven't had children. Personally I find it sad that they haven't. But it's their choice at the end of the day.