Motoring1 min ago
Boyfriend and dad.
15 Answers
I'm getting quite worried about my boyfriend and my dad. We all live in the same house together (My mum, myself, dad and my boyfriend)
After my boyfriend had problems at work and home, we decided that he should move in with us and he has been here for about 5 months now.
Everything had been pretty good up until a few weeks ago, and for no reason tension seems to be building between my boyfriend and my dad.
My dad is always whining about him, and makes me feel bad, and angry that he talks about him in that way, and hurt that he thinks that.
To be honest my boyfriend isn't that bad, a bit lazy and has a tendancy to hide from my family, because he worried they don't like him. And sometimes he upsets me slightly, but I put that down to the fact I've been quite ill for a couple of years and have low confidence and esteem. But over all he's a gentleman.
My dad has quite bad drinking problem and can have a bit of an attitude problem.
Should I talk to them? I don't know what to do, I don't want things to get bad between them, as I love them both. And I especially don't want to lose my partner.
After my boyfriend had problems at work and home, we decided that he should move in with us and he has been here for about 5 months now.
Everything had been pretty good up until a few weeks ago, and for no reason tension seems to be building between my boyfriend and my dad.
My dad is always whining about him, and makes me feel bad, and angry that he talks about him in that way, and hurt that he thinks that.
To be honest my boyfriend isn't that bad, a bit lazy and has a tendancy to hide from my family, because he worried they don't like him. And sometimes he upsets me slightly, but I put that down to the fact I've been quite ill for a couple of years and have low confidence and esteem. But over all he's a gentleman.
My dad has quite bad drinking problem and can have a bit of an attitude problem.
Should I talk to them? I don't know what to do, I don't want things to get bad between them, as I love them both. And I especially don't want to lose my partner.
Answers
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No, it was never a temporary thing, a permanent thing. And my parents are the ones who said about him moving here (with absolutely no word from us), brought him up here, spoke to his parents. My partner and I hadn't even thought about it. But we lived over 200 miles away at the time, and it sounded fabulous to us.
And we're a very happy couple and love each other dearly.
And right now, even the thought of him going back home rips me to absolute shreds. It was hard enough long distance. but going from living together back to long distance would hurt so much.
My boyfriends parents were always a bit difficult towards him, he didn't get on with his dad and his sister, and they live in a tiny house. He hated living there, hated his job and hated the area he lived in.
And we're a very happy couple and love each other dearly.
And right now, even the thought of him going back home rips me to absolute shreds. It was hard enough long distance. but going from living together back to long distance would hurt so much.
My boyfriends parents were always a bit difficult towards him, he didn't get on with his dad and his sister, and they live in a tiny house. He hated living there, hated his job and hated the area he lived in.
I would imagine they offered because it was probably the only way they were going to get their daughter back so to speak.
Maybe you need to look at it from their perspective, are you helping out as much as you can be?, are you chipping in for the bills ect? are you respectful??
If there are major issues its best to get them out in the open and discussed because if they linger chances are the resentment will fester and eventually there will be a lot of massive rows,
get everyone talking!
Maybe you need to look at it from their perspective, are you helping out as much as you can be?, are you chipping in for the bills ect? are you respectful??
If there are major issues its best to get them out in the open and discussed because if they linger chances are the resentment will fester and eventually there will be a lot of massive rows,
get everyone talking!
I've never been much of a rebel, and they've never lost me. I've been ill, yes, but I've had a few things happen. I'm always very respectful and try to help out when I can.
The thing is, if there was something terribly wrong, my mum would speak to me about it.
But as I said before my dad has had a drinking problem for a few year, and he often hurts me and my mum anyway (through saying things, not violence.)
And I don't want him starting on my partner as well.
The thing is, if there was something terribly wrong, my mum would speak to me about it.
But as I said before my dad has had a drinking problem for a few year, and he often hurts me and my mum anyway (through saying things, not violence.)
And I don't want him starting on my partner as well.
I have lived most of mine formative years with an alcoholic father, sadly if he is still drinking then its only a matter of time before your boyfriend does get dragged into the line of fire.
more so if there is tension there when he isnt drunk. Its a sad situation and it is a real shame that you cant get somewhere else to live, It might be worth applying to the council for somewhere.
If your dad is a drinker then you wont have a lot of success in talking to him. I would personally look to leaving. there are ways and means if you are determined.
more so if there is tension there when he isnt drunk. Its a sad situation and it is a real shame that you cant get somewhere else to live, It might be worth applying to the council for somewhere.
If your dad is a drinker then you wont have a lot of success in talking to him. I would personally look to leaving. there are ways and means if you are determined.
Although cazzz has been brilliant ad fundamentally given you the best advice anyone could have -I would like to just add that it is possible to get a place of your own and thats the route you MUST take or your lad will be drawn into the lifestyle your dad enjoys and he is way too young for that (if ever).
You 2 are the same age as my 2 and they are both independant so its possible.
Be happy hun x
You 2 are the same age as my 2 and they are both independant so its possible.
Be happy hun x
Work in a pub on rubbish wages?Must be at least minimum?Many folk can get a house but its a lot harder than staying at your parents.i suggest you try to sort things in the short term.but longterm save up and get your own place.thats the obvious answer and by no means impossible if you put 100 percent effort into it.
Who buys and cooks the food? decides on meals? washes dishes, clothes, housework etc? Often despite the most enormous love and best intentions amongst families, it's the little everyday things that build up tension and resentment. Families are different, and your boyfriend is now living with a family who have different values,routines etc (even if similar) and your Dad is living with your boyfriends family values, routines etc (even if similar) neither obviously feels comfortable enough (which seems normal) to challenge this openly, so passive aggression and whinging starts. Neither wants to bring issues to you as they don't want you upset, it might be the smallest thing that's causing this, but everyone's being too polite for their own good. Or that's what tends to happen, an open, honest word with both, with the promise from you that you will listen and not judge, will give you a handle on what the problem is, and whether it's workable in that house, which financially seems the best bet to me. Very Good luck
As daft as it sounds, maybe your dad is having territorial issues. He knows his own shortcomings (the drinking) and maybe he feels that his authority in his own house is waning, and the two women in his life have a new focus male within the group (so to speak).
I am not saying that its his fault, maybe your BF is a lazy blighter and needs a rocket up his bum. Maybe your dad thinks he isn�t good enough for you and treats you badly (or not as much of a princess as he would hope). Maybe he is trying to deflect attention from his failings by pointing the finger at your BF. Living with parents at a certain age is awkward, let alone living with the in-laws � everyone treading on each others toes.
What you need to remember though is that your mum and dad opened their doors to him and you, so you need to respect that hard decision they have made. They might have known there would be problems, but still offered this outlet for you and your BF.
If finding somewhere else and giving mum and dad back their space is not possible, then the only thing for you to do is to talk to your dad and say how much you will always love them both, and you cannot be torn for affection or allegiances. Perhaps encourage your BF to bond better with your dad by buying tickets for a football match or to do something they both share an interest in. Having a girls night out with your mum and them having a lads night out may help � you won�t know until you try.
Also, perhaps you and BF could treat mum and dad on a night out to say thanks for putting up with you and BF, invite them out for a meal or to a show � or just send them. In the meantime, help with chores, cooking and the bills, and get your BF to offer to do the shopping, wash up and maybe cook a nice meal. All it takes is a little effort to show some appreciation for what they have done and are doing, maybe that is all they need to open up and accept you both long term. If
I am not saying that its his fault, maybe your BF is a lazy blighter and needs a rocket up his bum. Maybe your dad thinks he isn�t good enough for you and treats you badly (or not as much of a princess as he would hope). Maybe he is trying to deflect attention from his failings by pointing the finger at your BF. Living with parents at a certain age is awkward, let alone living with the in-laws � everyone treading on each others toes.
What you need to remember though is that your mum and dad opened their doors to him and you, so you need to respect that hard decision they have made. They might have known there would be problems, but still offered this outlet for you and your BF.
If finding somewhere else and giving mum and dad back their space is not possible, then the only thing for you to do is to talk to your dad and say how much you will always love them both, and you cannot be torn for affection or allegiances. Perhaps encourage your BF to bond better with your dad by buying tickets for a football match or to do something they both share an interest in. Having a girls night out with your mum and them having a lads night out may help � you won�t know until you try.
Also, perhaps you and BF could treat mum and dad on a night out to say thanks for putting up with you and BF, invite them out for a meal or to a show � or just send them. In the meantime, help with chores, cooking and the bills, and get your BF to offer to do the shopping, wash up and maybe cook a nice meal. All it takes is a little effort to show some appreciation for what they have done and are doing, maybe that is all they need to open up and accept you both long term. If
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