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feeling down :O(
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hi guys. one of them days today. feeling ill and not looking forward to tomorrow. it is the day that my bf goes out with his son and ex for the little ones birthday. i feel sick to the stomach and really down. like i said before i trust him but i cant help but feel upset. he was with her for 3 years and i cant help but feel jealous and inadequate. he has a little family and im scared he will have a lovely day tomorrow and release what he is missing. iv tried talking to him a few times but he now thinks im moaning to much. i release it could get tiresome but its really really hurting my feelins. i know i have got to let him do this but i dont want to feel this way as its tearing me up in side. everything is perfect apart from this other side of his life. i love him to bits and never want to be with out him but how can i carry on like this if it is making me so depressed!? sorry to rant but it helps to share when i havent got anyone else to talk too.
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I think normanthedog was a bit harsh.
I can understand that you don't want him to go off and see his ex for a whole day.
But think about it, it's one day out of 365. And then, also think, they broke up didn't they?- So there must have been a reason for this, and I would think that rationality will set him, and he'd know and realise why they broke up. And not persue any kind of relationship with her.
Just grin and bear it, if you moan at him, he will get bored and leave. So all the more reason to just seem loving and caring and unbothered.
It's only one day, you'll forget about it by 24hours later.
I can understand that you don't want him to go off and see his ex for a whole day.
But think about it, it's one day out of 365. And then, also think, they broke up didn't they?- So there must have been a reason for this, and I would think that rationality will set him, and he'd know and realise why they broke up. And not persue any kind of relationship with her.
Just grin and bear it, if you moan at him, he will get bored and leave. So all the more reason to just seem loving and caring and unbothered.
It's only one day, you'll forget about it by 24hours later.
I agree norman, get a grip!
You said yourself that he thinks you are moaning too much so stop it now or else you will drive him away. It will get tiresome and he will get fed up of you wingeing eventually.
You must have known he had a son when you got together - did you think he was going to stop all contact in case it upset you? He HAS to see his ex for the sake of his son and as chocolatchip says, there is a reason they are not together anymore! Get over it and accept that he had a life before he met you.
You said yourself that he thinks you are moaning too much so stop it now or else you will drive him away. It will get tiresome and he will get fed up of you wingeing eventually.
You must have known he had a son when you got together - did you think he was going to stop all contact in case it upset you? He HAS to see his ex for the sake of his son and as chocolatchip says, there is a reason they are not together anymore! Get over it and accept that he had a life before he met you.
thank you for the helpful answers, although i agree that two are really harsh! if u dont have anything constructive to say then dont say it. think what u like but no need to be so rude. if someone was feeling a bit down about something i wouldnt insult them.
i know im being overly senstive and i know i shouldnt moan at him. iv made a concious effort lately to keep things to myself. i dont normally have a problem with anything its just been the build up to the birthday that has got me. i guess my post today was just to get it off my chest. yes, obviously i knew he had a child before but at the time when we were only seeing each other i never thought it would turn into a long term relationship with a possible future. it has become harder and although i knew when we got together, it doesnt make it any less difficult.
thank you to those people who have tried to be supportive and give some advice. i appreciate it.
i know im being overly senstive and i know i shouldnt moan at him. iv made a concious effort lately to keep things to myself. i dont normally have a problem with anything its just been the build up to the birthday that has got me. i guess my post today was just to get it off my chest. yes, obviously i knew he had a child before but at the time when we were only seeing each other i never thought it would turn into a long term relationship with a possible future. it has become harder and although i knew when we got together, it doesnt make it any less difficult.
thank you to those people who have tried to be supportive and give some advice. i appreciate it.
If the person you are with is doing something to make you unhappy, maybe you should ask yourself if he is the right one for you.
If the person you are with is not doing anything wrong, but you are still unhappy about things then maybe you need to look at your own views otherwise you will just push people away.
If the person you are with is not doing anything wrong, but you are still unhappy about things then maybe you need to look at your own views otherwise you will just push people away.
Jen sweetheart - I hope your ex DOES have a lovely day - with his son.
If you can't be there as well, then please try and control your feelings, so that your lovely bf has a nice happy lady to return home to. It's not the child's fault that his mum and dad split up, and he deserves to have his dad there on his birthday.
Not trusting your bf will probably do the very thing you're afraid of, but if you smile bravely when he returns, & ask if they've ALL had a nice day, he'll see what an understanding gf he's got. xx
If you can't be there as well, then please try and control your feelings, so that your lovely bf has a nice happy lady to return home to. It's not the child's fault that his mum and dad split up, and he deserves to have his dad there on his birthday.
Not trusting your bf will probably do the very thing you're afraid of, but if you smile bravely when he returns, & ask if they've ALL had a nice day, he'll see what an understanding gf he's got. xx
I think that you need to step back, trust him and let this happen. If he wanted to be with her he would be. He want's to spend some time with his child on their birthday which is completely normal. It's a good job she's (mother) is not blocking dad's acess to his chld and you need to embrace this. To coin a term 'suck it up'...(Be the bigger person...)
I think the reality of this situation is that if you choose a boyfriend who has a child in his life by a former parter, that child will be part of your relationship for the rest of your life together, and there will be many occasions where that child's need takes priority as he is growing up. If you are jealous of that fact and can't deal emotionally with it, you are setting your relationship up to fail because sooner or later he might feel forced to choose between you because of the emotional blackmail to which he feels he's being submitted. It may be hard but you have to learn to deal with this, possibly by developing some interests of your own in which you can participate while your boyfriend is seeing his son. You could try offering to accompany him, although he may want some private time with his son. Yes, he probably will have a lovely day with his son who he must miss, and if his day is spoiled by by coming home to a sulking girlfriend. he may decide your relationship has no future. If you can bring yourself to accept his son as part of your life going forward your boyfriend may feel more willing to include you in the picture and the outings. It must be hard to know that you are not always his No 1 priority, but with so many broken marriages around, there must be many more people who are wrestling with this difficult of divided loyalties. The ones who succeed are those who are able to compromise and learn to turn the situation to their advantage, or at least learn to live with it.
I know how you feel jen cos when i first starting dating the guy who is now my hub i used to feel jealous too, (and i KNEW it was childish and ridiculous)
I was NOT jealous of his son...but jealous cos if there are children involved there is always a "link" to the ex...(and dare I say it they probably have many happy memories invovling their years together)
however....
after a bit of time you'll realise that they split for a reason, she isn't a threat and, and with time you'll forge your own memories and special "link" with your BF anyway.
I was NOT jealous of his son...but jealous cos if there are children involved there is always a "link" to the ex...(and dare I say it they probably have many happy memories invovling their years together)
however....
after a bit of time you'll realise that they split for a reason, she isn't a threat and, and with time you'll forge your own memories and special "link" with your BF anyway.
Would you prefer he didn't want to see his son, probably not as he wouldn't be the person you love. As caeronf said try and get involved and get to know the little fella. I imagine not living with his son will be hard enough for him to deal withI, and anyone trying to put the dampers on his limited time with his son will not be appreciated
yup just to add to paulos ....he's prob really sad not living with his son anyway... my husband was, (then his son came to live with us anyway...but thats another story.. with a happy ending.)
like i said its hard not to be jealous cos in the early days you want to be his be all and end all, his no 1 but....the kiddy came first...i felt alot better after i accepted that fact.
like i said its hard not to be jealous cos in the early days you want to be his be all and end all, his no 1 but....the kiddy came first...i felt alot better after i accepted that fact.
thank you for your replies. they have really helped and i really appreciate it. your all right in what u say. i think thats why i struggle - knowing that im not always going to be his everything because he has other committments. knowing that if we have a family one day he has already experienced that. i understand and accept fully that the child must come first and im pleased that he is seeing him on his birthday because he has had a difficult few years with limited access. its just the fact that the ex is oging to be there that gets me worked up! as i wrote previously she has sent him various suggestive texts before hand and is always trying to tell him about her new bloke encounters. to me it sounds like she s still after him and trying to make him jealous! anyways they go out in an hour and a half...i have work so hopefully ill keep busy! im going out for a few drinks with him later so lets hope today goes quickly and ill be seeing him in no time at all. thanks again
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