Hey I Need advice and different points of view on how to deal with my current situation

[mangosam]

Hey I need advice and different points of view for my current situation: Me and my partner will have been in love for about 2 years november 20th this year. We are both 16 years old and are starting college together this september. We both have our insecurities as everyone does, but we always get past disagreements and problems we encounter. However, there is one problem which I feel could really fracture our relationship. When I asked my girlfriend out there we a number of guys who liked her and have a strong unhealthy obsession with her as she is hotter than most girls. I had no knowledge of these guys until after were 2 months into our relationship. (These guys are also my age) Keep on trying to break up our relationship. For example they have spread rumours about my partner kissing other guys. I know and trust my girlfriend and she isn't that kind of person. One of these guys is also trying to make advances on her (Yet I don't think girlfriend is concious of these yet it is obvious to see from where I stand). I feel these guys are always trying to hurt us, I have over looked it before and so has my partner. But these guys are really pushing it. I am a social guy and I do try to find diplomatic solutions to issues but I can't find an answer to this problem. I have warned these guys in the past over and over again and I am alot bigger and stronger than them all put together. Yet if i can find another solution juxtaposed to violence, I will. So if any of you folks have any advice it would be much appreciated. Thanks to all. Fellow AB member mangosam

[ChocolatChip]

From your post I feel that you are a very intelligent and sensitive guy. It must be hard to not be able to trust these guys around your girl. That's happened to me, when my boyfriend lived in london (some 200 miles away from myself) one of his fellow collegues seemed to take quite an 'interest' in him. I have to admit that I became extremely jealous, in a 'what does she have that I don't' sort of mind.
But he assured me that nothing would happen and he had no feelings for her.
And to be honest, all I can say is just sit it out. These guys will eventually realise if your girlfriend is truly not interested. Does she flirt with them at all? If not they'll get bored and find some new girl who's a bit more open to their attention.
Just warn her of what you think, that these guys are a bit to close for comfort, that you love her and trust her.
Don't use violence, it doesn't solve anything, your girlfriend might think you possessive if you do. And you don't want to go down that route, you don't know where it could end.

[mangosam]

My partner does hug them at the end of a day sometimes but I don't think she flirts and I trust her. And some of these rumours do come into my mind but I just try and forget them. Thanks for your advice its really helpfull. Its good to have another point of view. :)

[ChocolatChip]

Doesn't she realise that hugs are giving out strong messages?
I only hug 4 guys. Ones my boyfriend, two are my closest friends (they are both gay, I know they don't 'like' me) and the other- my dad.
I think she's giving them mixed signals, even though she probably doesn't realise it.
I would suggest that she doesn't hug them anymore. But I wouldn't know how to ask or stop it. Because it sounds a bit bad asking her to stop. Maybe ask her lightly if she thinks that she could be giving the guys mixed messages when she hugs them.

[mangosam]

K I did ask her and I said I dont want to be controlling by asking her to stop. But then she went all weird and I will wait until tomorrow to talk to her in person. Thanks for your help and advice ChocolatChip.

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree with CC. You sound like a decent, mature person mangosam, but the thing is hun, you're both at a young age, and all sorts of things are going to happen to you in the next few years - change, being one of them.
I think you need to explain to your gf that she IS sending out mixed messages, but on the other hand, these guys wouldn't be normal if they didn't look at or even fancy her, as she sounds lovely. Perhaps she knows this really, and's just testing out her sexual attraction. Hopefully, if she's the nice person that you say she is, she'll understand your concerns, but tbh, anything could happen at the ages you both are, so I can only say good luck! x

[mangosam]

I really don't want to lose her I love her so much. aww no I am in such a muddle :(

[Ice.Maiden]

I know hun - and the first time you fall in love is always the best. Something you never forget really - but both you and your girlfriend are growing. When you reach 21, you won't be the same people as you are now. I'd love to think all this'll work out for you, but as you gain experience in life, your confidence'll grow, and in fact, it might be YOU who starts looking elsewhere, although that might seem unthinkable at the moment. Just take each day as it comes. Make sure that you and your gf talk to each other about any little worries, and hopefully everything'll be fine.

[Nightfold]

Awww I feel so sad and alone at the moment I don't want it to end... think me as as fragile mouse if you will, but I really don't want it to end I am gonna end up crying all night.

[Nightfold]

I knw how u feel mangosam i really do

[mangosam]

I think I should listen to Ice maiden. Maybe shes right and yeh Nightfold I do see you as a mouse but hold it together I dont know how old you are but hopefully as CC and Ice say it will be ok. Hold yourself together dude

[Nightfold]

I guess I am just a sensitive person. Thank you all for the help as it is also good for me

[Ice.Maiden]

When you're young, it's natural to feel slightly uncomfortable if you think people're taking too much notice of your partner - or if your partner gives cause for concern, but if you let this get out of proportion, it can turn into possesiveness. I think it's lovely if other people find your partner attractive - it shows you made a good choice, but, if after telling that person that perhaps THEIR actions are making you feel uneasy, and they take no notice, then this shows their lack of respect for your feelings. It sounds like a cliche, but as you get older, you learn to differentiate between acceptable behaviour & something more, but showing jealousy is never a good thing. If two people are meant to be together, they'll be confident ans secure enough to trust each other. If one strays, the relationship was perhaps never meant to be in the first place.

[tufty7]

I think you sound a little in-secure within the relationship, There is no reason why you can't tell her what they / you think they are planning to do , so she is aware ,

As stated by previous respondees you are young and probably feel like you could fight the world, i am pleased that you sound responsible , its refreshing to hear a young un asking advice, just enjoy your relationship with your girlfriend , be nice to her and treat her with respect , that is the best way of keeping her to yourself, don't become possesive and jealous just because someone else looks at her , as the old saying goes, if you love someone let them go , they will return if you treat them right ....