Am I being selfish

[masma]

My daughter has just been told, after years of medication and operations, that she will never be able to have children. She is devestated. I've been sat here crying for her but also for the grandchildren I will never have. Do you think I'm being selfish thinking of myself when I should only be thinking of her.

[4getmenot]

not at all. I feel for mothers who's sons become gay and will never have children. But just be there for her, if she's really determined to have children there are ways.

[skyep]

Hi masma - I think it's probably very natural you should feel that way, I'm sorry for you and your daughter & anyone else who is affected xxx

[SonnyCat]

No not at all - many people would and do feel the same as you when this happens. Im very sorry to you and your daughter

x x x x

[mrs_overall]

You are not being selfish.
There is a certain order to life and it's natural for your offspring to have children of their own. When things go out of kilter, people suffer a form of grief for things they won't have. Looking forward to having grandchildren is a continuation of being a parent and you have lost that.
It's easier said than done, but try and focus on positive things.
As 4getmenot says, there are other ways.

[4getmenot]

and belive me many a child that needs a family

[Octavius]

No because for all intents and purposes I think they are more or less the same thing. You are grieving over the loss you both have. She will be upset that she can not have children or provide you with grandchildren, you are upset that she cannot have children or provide you grandchildren.

I�m sorry to hear that. I think it is certainly something you need to grieve over and allow your own natural healing process to begin, and to heal yourself so that you can be strong for your daughter as it will take her longer.

In that respect you need to be a little selfish at first.

[ladydec]

It has obviously come as a great shock for all of you. Being there for her and sending her your love is one of the main things you can give to her. In time you will both heal. Don't dismiss the idea of being parents or grandparents there are other ways - she may well meet someone who already has children, you may find she is able to adopt and give love to someone who has also lost out in some way... Things will straighten out I'm sure. In the meantime be strong for her.

[masma]

Thank you all so much for your kindness it's really appreciated - I've not had much of a chance to talk to her yet but hope to over the weekend. Once again thank you x x

[Bohne]

It is totally up to you, what you feel sad about and cry about.

A better way to deal with the situation, though (just my opinion), to realise, that there are many happy people in the world that don't have children.
Life will go on.

You daughter might still be able to adopt, if having children is that important to her.
Whatever her decision on this, please be supportive and don't make her feel like she has failed you!

[masma]

I would never, ever make her think she has failed us. She is saying now that she's so sorry to be such a failure (shock I think ). We're trying to reassure her that she is no lesser person because her body has had a bit of a blip - no fault of hers. They are thinking of going for adoption. Fingers crossed there will be a happy outcome to all of this sadness.
Once again thaks to you all for your kindness.

[masma]

Octavious - thank you for your wise words. I do feel that we are indeed going through a greiving period. I feel heartbroken for my girl. xx