I don't know what to do

[Lakitu]

I have been offered a work transfer to Australia, the problem is if I go, I will lose the only man I have ever truly loved.

I have been in love with this guy for a few years but circumstances dictated that we have never got together. We had a row just before Easter and in a fit of anger at him, I applied for the transfer. I was interviewed last week and offered the job on Friday afternoon and I have until Tuesday afternoon to let them know my decision.

I spoke to him about it yesterday and he said he wouldn't stop me from going and it's not fair of him to ask me to wait for him until his circumstances have calmed down, but then that makes me wonder if he won't tell me how he feels is it because he doesn't feel anything? Or if he does, it's not strongly enough?

I can't stay for someone who doesn't want me at the end of the day. I'm scared to go over there on my own. I'm a better, stronger person with him. I don't know what to do.

[123everton]

Reading between the lines he sounds like he's married, go to Australia.
He won't leave his wife, wake up to it.

[yogasun]

Agree with 123 - go for it. If you don't I feel that you might live to regret it.

[Marijn]

If he is married.. go to Ausralia. It's a great opportunity, and you HAVE got the courage to do it, you applied for the job in the first place, good luck.

[Lakitu]

He's not married or in a relationship with anyone.

If I go I think I will always wonder 'what if?'.

[leelapops]

Lakitu, you are strong! You applied for the job; they felt you had the skills and knowledge and daptability to relocate. People can come with you to places, but if you throw away this opportunity, then you might regret it forever.

If he is worth it, he will make adjustments to his life to be with you. If he doesn't do this, you know you can do better, and he wasn't worth the hassle. I know how much love can hurt, and I think most people do. But it would be such a shame to pass up this opportunity, and never know the joy of relocating and exploring a whole new world!

x

[leelapops]

But Lakitu, if you DON'T go, you will always wonder, "what if?"

Like I say, peopel can come with you, if you matter that much to them. A relationship might not work out; then you are back to square one.

x

[ivinghoe]

what do you mean 'his circumstances' sounds like he may be married or otherwise tied down maybe wi th an old mother...go...you will not regret this...australia is a wonderful country...all kinds of opportunities await you..wish you love and luck ivinghoe

[ivinghoe]

the what ifs will fade....if has not commitments in the uk...let him take the plunge and go with you...if he js dubious obviously you are not the love of his llife....GO ivinghoe

[Marijn]

You said he either doesn't love you, or he can't tell you that he loves you. Why can't he tell you that he loves you?
Anyway, if you go to Oz you don't have to stay forever. You can stay there for as long as you enjoy it.
And he is not going to disappear from the face of the earth, you can keep in touch with him.

[Lakitu]

He couldn't come with me, he has children from a previous relationship.

I can honestly say I wouldn't think 'what if?' if he and I got together, I can't tell you how much I love him, nothing would make me happier than to be with him, everything else is secondary to me.

I have no idea how to let go, or even if I want to give up on him. I know it sounds mad, it's just how I feel.

[leelapops]

Well he isn't compromising for you Lakitu, so I don't think you should compromise for him. But to be honest hun, it seems like you have made your mind up and dismissed Australia for him already, and I can't talk you out of that.

x

[Lakitu]

Notafish, I know he loves me, I guess I just need him to tell me, I need to have ask me to bear with this bad times in his life? I don't know.

It's a 5 year contract. That's along time to be wondering if he's OK now, if he's met and married someone else.

[raysparx1]

Deep down you know what you are going to do, you are going to stay here and hope it works out with him, if you hadn't had a falling out would you have applied for the transfer? so why not just accept that you can't be together properly at the moment and see where it goes, if you then break up, you will know he wasn't right, you can then reapply for transfer at later date, what you did in applying was far to hasty, good luck, hope it works out for you, Ray xx

[888sally888]

Sorry to say this but I think you sound a lot more keen than him. If he realy loved you, he would ask you to stay.

Sorry if that was blunt x

[Marijn]

You're right, he can't leave his children to go to Oz. If he was the kind of person who could walk away from them you probably wouldn't love him as you do.
I still don't understand why you can't just come out with it, and ask him how he feels about you. And I don't understand why he can't give you a straight answer.

[123everton]

Ray makes alot of sense in what he says, what I don't understad is what the impediments to your being together properly are?
A 2 headed man is his own worst enemy, I fear that in a years time you'll wake up to neither.
I think you need him to commit or ask him to leave.

[Marijn]

You say he's not in a relationship now. But was he in a relationship when you first got together? Is that the pickle he is in at the mo, the fact that he's still trying to detach himself from his ex? If so... go to Oz.
I wouldn't trust a man who's cheated before.
If that isn't the circumstancess... then you're a winner.... you can either have the chance of a lifetime, and go to Oz... OR stay with a man that you truly love.

[Lakitu]

Yes, he's trying to detatch himself from his ex. He was a perfect gentleman, he never did cheat.

[Marijn]

He's still trying to detach himself from ex, and he's in some sort of relationship with you. So in effect, he's in two relationships at the same time. He doesn't sound like a perfect gentleman.
What happened to making a commitment, working at a relationship and doing what's best for the children? It's a sad situation for all concerned. I wish you luck and happiness. x