Impotent?..................

[HJT40]

What reasons would there be for a man not being able to perform? The can get an erection, but not necessarily keep it, although they really like the person they are with? The man has even made a comment about not liking his body because it doesn't always work.

He doesn't smoke or take drugs, but does like a beer or two. I am wondering if it could be this? Or could it generally be to do with a low self confidence?

Anyhow any ideas would be seriously welcomed and also any suggestions what to do about it. It is making the situation very confusing for both parties.

thanks :-)

[unhappychick]

Well, I know that drinking doesnt help with this problem, it sounds like a confidence issue, maybe with his appearence or performance or maybe the two combined, which would affect anyone to some extent.

The best advise I can give, is take your time, lots of reassurance, dont even get to the intercourse stage, just massages, kissing etc, if you think he looks good, tell him, it may take a while but his confidence will build up eventually, and tell him to lay off them beers!...good luck!

[HJT40]

Thank you unhappychick, how clever you are and I didn't even say that it was something to do with me!! ;-)

Thank you, I will take your advice, and he does look good. It's not a situation I have been in before so I am struggling! Massages it is then.

[unhappychick]

No worries...Just dont take it personally, I know it can be an awkward situation for the both of you, and can cause uneasyness, but when it happends just shrug it off like its nothing, it will be easier for him too handle rather than the awkwardness of it all!

Just remember, he must think a lot of you the fact that it is all bothering him so much!!! ;-)

[HJT40]

Oh I think I am going to cry now, it has gotten me down thinking about it, and I do think too much anyway. We are going out on Saturday and he is introducing me to his friends and they are intrigued to meet me because he never takes anyone with him normally. Bless, he is lovely, just don't want him to think he should back off because of this. In fact I love laying in bed with him kissing and cuddling and talking...... sorry too much info!! But thanks, it means a lot.

x

[Octavius]

Has he considered any counselling with a GP or specialist that he, or you could both go to? Of course that might sound humiliating or embarassing at first, but it may help and many many men have this problem at one time or other in their lives.

[HJT40]

Thank you Octavius, maybe if it doesn't get better in time and with lots of tlc that is something that I could suggest, but this is all new to us, although we have known eachother for about a year, we have only just allowed ourselves to be this close and I am quite happy at the moment to relax and take it easy and see what happens. I am afraid that if I mentioned it this soon he may be even more anxious. But it is something I will keep in mind. Thank you. And it is good to know that it does happen to other men.

[Octavius]

The reason I ask, is that by far, the most important cause of the development of impotence is the presence of illnesses like high blood pressure, diabetes mellitus, high cholesterol levels and cardiovascular disease. So he may want to get checked out anyway. These illnesses, acting over time, can lead to a degeneration of the penile blood vessels, leading to restriction of blood inflow through the arteries and also to leakage of blood through the veins during erection. Add to this the falling levels of testosterone as he gets older.

Smoking, drug or alcohol abuse, particularly over a long period of time, lack of exercise and a sedentary lifestyle will contribute to the development of impotence. Correction of these conditions will contribute to overall health and may in some individuals� correct mild impotence.

Around 20% of all men are affected by impotence � if you consider that there are around 20 million adult men in the UK (I don�t know the exact number) then that�s about 4 million with a similar problem!

Impotence being caused by psychological problems is a myth. Most men have underlying physical causes � of course worrying about it creates a catch-22 situation. Hence, a GP check up might help.

[HJT40]

Point well made Octavius and I know this is very important. Perhaps something we can discuss when it feels comfortable to do so?

[joggerjayne]

Too much beating about the bush and sympathy going on here.

If you want the answer, you need to be willing to open up here on AB and go into detail (don't worry, this is not a trap, and some people will take the pee, but let's find an answer for you which will get him bonking your brains out this week).

So ...

1. He has difficulty getting or staying hard. What do you do to get him stiff (and trust me, kissing, hugging, massage, etc is a dead waste of time).

2. (question 2 will depend on the answer to q.1)

[Azonic]

And Q3 - oooh, what you doing later JJ ;)

[weeal]

Thats not the bloke who was texting you was it?

[HJT40]

Thank you joggerjane I would certainly like that!!

He does get hard from kissing, but has trouble keeping it. We managed is once, but I took control of the situation and it was ok, a bit manic but ok! It is not the getting it, it is the keeping it. This is why I wonder about his self confidence in that department.

Don't get me wrong, I am prepared to see this thing out!

[joggerjayne]

Hi Azonic (sorry I forgot to post you my undies. They've been washed now).

Now ... just clear off for a bit while we sort this one out . j x

[HJT40]

no!

[HJT40]

God Weall now I feel as though you know more about me than you should! ;-)

[Azonic]

ok I can take a hint... back to the Q 'at hand'

[weeal]

lol, I just recognised your username thats all, you were right to ditch the texting bloke

[HJT40]

Weall, I did actually speak to him and he didn't get up to anything with the other person and we do talk and get on now. He admitted that he had been a prat!

I feel nekkid now!

[weeal]

haha you have laid your life bare in a public place lol

dont we all

[HJT40]

I have at that, on more than one occassion, my only hope is that I hope the person I talk about doesn't come on this sight and recognise me!!