revelations

[sophie_1003]

My boyfriend told me last night that at the start of our relationship he kissed another girl, he's kept it from me for 6 years but said it's the worse thing he's ever done and that he feels really bad about it. I feel like I should be really angry with him, not just for doing it in the first place but for keeping it from me as well, but I'm not, has anyone been in a similar situation?

[Octavius]

I would be more concerned that he has told you at all, given the time lapse. Some things are best just left in the past, no matter how hurtful they may seem.

Has anything else gone on recently? Have you been more flirtatious than normal or getting more attention, or something that has possibly suddenly opened the gateway for 'confession time' to occur?

Is there an alternative motive for him suddenly revealing this?

[sophie_1003]

he can get very paranoid but he's been told that some paranoia is based on guilt and thats why it's only come out now, hes trying to get over his paranoia.

[Octavius]

Right ho, I woud stil be concerned that whilst he is 'trying to get over his paranoia' that more and more startling reveleatiojns don't come to light in drips and drabs.

Perhaps sit down and have a long hard chat and either ask if he has told you everything and there are no more scarecrows in his closet (if you can handle that), or just say that what is in the past is ...in the past.. and that you should move on and focus on what lies ahead rather than behind you. Also, be clear that whatever went on before should not at this stage in the relationship interrupt that future together.

[Octavius]

please excuse my typo's, its been a long morning.

[mandimoo]

if my boyfriend had said that to me, i would eventually convince myself that the only reason he told me was because 1- it was more than one kiss... 2- it went on alot longer than he admits 3- he is now worried i will find out because 4- someone has caught him or 5- he ended it with the other woman and shes threateneing to tell.
only you will know which explanation rings more true.

[sophie_1003]

thanks for your answers, will talk to him about it more but honestly think it was only that one time, more fool me if it wasn't! i am prepared to keep it in the past, just was wondering of anyone else had been in this situation and what they're emotins had been.
mandimoo, we were only 15 and 16 when we started going out so don't think he would have carried on with me if he wanted this other girl

[sophie_1003]

o..k... have you got some unresolved issues raggy roman?

[sophie_1003]

I know, thats what I was saying, I'm not angry at him, jeez read the question properly before you post an answer!

[MiniN]

its good that your not angry sophie, it shows that you understand that it meant nothing. however, I would wonder why he is telling you now after 6years. its great that he finally has told you about it.

When I was getting together with my partner 6years ago he kissed another girl and told me the same night about it but it didnt bother me because we weren't properly together. it made me realise how much he must have liked me to apologise to me about it even though we weren't yet an item.

[sophie_1003]

well as i said before, his paranoia comes into it, and he said that he'd always told himself that if we ever got really serious he would tell me but has never had the courage to until last night, he thought i was going to leave him so think he is really very sorry!

[MiniN]

oooh the poor guy being worried. sounds like he is a good guy.

[Rosetta]

If he was only 16 or 17 at the time, its hardly surprising that he made the odd mistake, who didn't at that age?

[Octavius]

If I understand correctly, what he did at the age of whatever is not really the issue with sophie.

Merely why he waited 6 years into the relationship to say it.

[sophie_1003]

it's not even that, just wondered if anyone else had been in this situation and had felt angry rather than thinking, god it was so long a go can't even remember exactly how I felt about him at that time! thanks for all your answers though, have talked to him and he promises it was just the one time which is what I was expecting anyway, seems very strange to think that if he'd told me when it happened I may have thought twice about carrying in the relationship and where would I be now, in that sense I'm glad he kept it from me, seems so insignificant now!