Feeling something and nothing!!!

[puddicat]

Been on friends united and have some reponse to my posting on there, i was in the forces and went to different places, took me by suprise last night, too see photos of my ex husband his wife and his son,spoke to my youngest son this morning saying that i had seen his dad online and so on, he said mum he has another life now,i know that what am i envious of cant explain, it isnt feelings for him anymore, maybe its just that they looked so happy on holiday with there family,and my life so far didnt work out that way,i have really been through the mill with problems with my youngest and i kept alot of it to myself never involving his father unless my son wanted him to know, my ex is the kind of guy who if fell in s.....e would come up smiling!!!!!

[sara3]

hey Puddi, don't beat yourself up over this. it's simple. if you were in a better place you wouldn't worry about what your ex is up to, but if you're not really happy with your lot it's harder.

you need to fill your life with other stuff a) as a distraction and b) you never know what it might lead to.

and c) I need to take my own advice!

oh, and d) when I fall in sh*te I come up smelling of sh*te :o)

[puddicat]

Thanks sara for making me laugh!!what i was trying to say that i admit that i am envious of his happiness,we speak on reasonable terms now, but when we first split it was horrendous, his wife now is the woman who he had a affair with while married to me, so sometimes the grass is greener on the other side lol!!!!

[sara3]

oh, you never said that.. I'd go round and poke her in the eye with a sharp stick ;o)

[puddicat]

sara at one time maybe i could have committed murder, but the thought of my 2 sons pulled me back to some sense,i lost my home my job, my marriage and my friends, totally devasted, but now its true time heals the pain, but it has a really negative impact on any relationships i have had since, try to destroy it before it destroys me, its the trust thingy,anyway not going to get upset that is long gone!!!!

[sara3]

well good for you, onwards and upwards :o)

the trust thing is hard, but you have to try for it or it will ruin any potential relationships you may have.

bl00dy men!

[Nightfold]

Hell straight, trust is an issue for everyone somewhere somehow down the line. And you have made it this far, so carry on getting stronger :). Maybe I should take my own advice too xD I'm loving the sence of humour in this thread too xD

[puddicat]

What makes me smile now though, is how fat and bald he has got there is a 13+year gap age wise,will have to try a little bit harder lol,he used to criticise me when i put some weight on hee hee fat bustard!!!!

[Nightfold]

Yeah I recently met one of my ex's in a shopping centre and well... that was funny seeing them with another guy and then looking at me as if I were some kind of god because I have only ever kept in good health and supreme shape. And my ex was blown away by it, I just hope I don't get a take me back phone call from her. xD

[madsteve]

Puddicat

Have not been using AB for long butin the time here I have noticed who are the nice (good) people and who are not, you really are one of the nicer ones.

Total trust is a two way thing and can only be arrived at over time, the things you have had to deal with shows that you are one STRONG lady, sothe only person you trust at the moment 100% is you.

What I'm trying to say is when the next guy comes along, don't hit him over the head you never know what he's been through, he may be just as worried as you, open up a little each day. We found that telling each other silly little secrets (this was after about 6 months) built up trust. Start off with something like "I hate xyz, but I love abc".

Don't know if this makes any sense.
All the best and keep strong

[Nightfold]

I agree you are one of the ones which care, one of the ones with a heart as bright as the stars of a nights sky. :) It really is lovely giving back to those who help. xD

[puddicat]

Thanks for saying that steve made my day! yep suppose i am a strong woman,but with a vunerable side,when i look back and see how far i have come, not done too bad my eldest got a degree, when his dad said go out and get a proper job wtf?now my eldest has a fantastic job and is on 30k plus a year,my youngest hasnt the same career plans, but never mind how long as he his happy,my ex wasnt driven by anything nothing changes!!!

[puddicat]

Thanks too you also nightfoldx

[madsteve]

Seems to me like you've done a brilliant job all round two great sons and being one VERY STRONG lady you've got to be to do what you've done.

Life is not a rehearsal we are only here at this time, and it�s this time that we should make special, and IMHO you need to start having some YOU time, even if it�s something silly like just sitting back and kicking your heels for the day � go on promise yourself something silly.

[Nightfold]

xD its no problem you get what you give and your too kind xD Your EX doesn't sound very fun to me to be very honest.

[obNOXious]

I'm currently in the same place you are puddi, my ex is now living with another man, pregnant and they've got my kids living with them in Germany and for reasons I can't quite nail dwn, it really lashes me emotionally to see them together. It's not that there is anything that really could be salvaged between my ex and I, it was a wonderful realtionship for the years it lasted, but too much went on and now it's over, but there is something about seeing people you have loved who are deliriously happy and making a family with someone else that makes you feel as though you'll never quite recapture that yourself.
I feel very strange when I see them, but I've realised that actually that the old saying ' what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and you are a very strong, very nice girl, whose clearly moved mountains to survive well with her kids, and somewhere out there is a man who'll recognise that for the pearl that it is, and then everything will come up smelling of flowers for you for a change.

[puddicat]

Oh Mr obknoxious are you free lol!!!,sometimes feel that i dont really want someone in my life now, i am very independant, and can get quite resentful over certain things, then at other times just wish i had a partner to talk to about every day issues, and let someone else take the strain!!!

[obNOXious]

Yeah I'm free (never managed to persuade anyone to pay for me anyway:)

I think actually what you're feeling is quite normal as i vere from desperately missing all the family stuff, making joint decisions and plans and so on to thinking 'thank god never again will I trust anyone as long as I live' etc etc etc and really enjoying my refound independence.
I think the great danger is if i close down my options so I'm trying to be as open minded about everything as is ophysically possible, but it's not always successful, sometimes your defence mechanisms kick in.

[LoftyLottie]

Just had to add.

Nox and Puddicat, two really nice AB people. When's the wedding? ;o)

[puddicat]

Steady Lottie lol,think mr noxious might be a tad young for me but such a nice guy never the less!!!!

[LoftyLottie]

Age is only a number Puddicat!! ;o)