Relationships and Ex

[SHELLP]

Have recently split with my ex he was violent and has to go to court for assulting me. I have been going out a lot with my friends and have met two men both very different one is quiet and have been out with him a few times he texts a lot and is nice. The other one is loud and I have known him over 30 years he told me he always liked me and asked for my number, but not got in touch everytime I see him he comes straight over and spends most of the evening with me, he says he will get in touch but never does but always seems to turn up where we are. I know he was hurt badly when he split up and think a lot of his loudness is a cover. I compare both of them to my ex and still dont feel that I am over him properly they both know the problems I have had. Why cant I get over him fully like he has me he is seeing someone else (only heard this no one seen him with her). What do I do about these other two. I,m all confused.

[Lov3shy]

Women require a bit more time to get over a relationship because the majority of men just (somehow) forget the relationship existed; especially if the woman ended it. This of course may be a cover for that he still loves you (Him seeing someone else); but the time is now to forget him - he was unhealthy for you. Also, Men are able to get over a relationship because most aren't as romantic and thoughtful as women (but there are men who are).

As with your two men, do you really want a relationship now? You've had quite a violent relationship previously and do you feel yourself ready for another?

If you feel you are ready, get to know the two men more personally. Remember, their personality in which you see at the moment may be a 'false personality' - the real one being released to closer friends, in which you could become.

Plan:

* Try to get over previous relationship (think of all the possibilities that await you now)
* Decide whether it's the correct time to start a new relationship:
* (If you are ready) Bond with the two of the men; get to know both of them better and maybe you can decide which is better for you, which you want - remembering if one relationship falters, your have another person ready :)
* (If you're not ready) Then wait until you are ready to continue - there is no rush and you have a 'seemingly' infinite amount of time (Lots of time!)

Good Luck

[lil75]

Hi Shellp, please dont take offence to this, but every post I have seen from you, always relates back to your feelings about your ex, which tells me you are still hurting inside and still have feelings left for him. I have been in a very violent relationship and know the damage it causes, especially to your self esteem, its as though it drains you of everything, you are left not believing in yourself anymore and feel quite vulnerable.

My advice to you is to forget these other men at the moment, Keep them as friends but nothing more yet! you need time to get your confidence back and find yourself again....when I was in your situation I attracted the wrong people becuase I was in no fit state of mind. Once I eventually got myself together, I decided I was worth a lot more than what I was getting and set my sights higher, I believe in myself, which is what I think you need to do.

Forget your ex, they never change, I know from 1st hand experience, you are worth more than a man who hits out on a women, they are just cowards. I feel sorry for his new girlfriend, although hopefully she will realise what hes like and get shot of him. These types of men are all the same, trust me, all out for themselves and dont care who they hurt in the process of getting what they want. You need to accept the reality of things in order to get over it...I hope it doesnt take you too long...best of luck xxx

[pinktwink]

shellp take this time to focus on yourself and forget about a relationship. You need time to heal from the violent relationship and get over your ex before you can truly involve yourself in another relationship in an honest way. Take the time to get to know yourself again, meet new friends , take up new inteerests, travel have fun and enjoy life.

Perhaps it would be useful to go for counselling to help you talk about and understand your feelings so you feel less confused. Individuaal or group counselling woul be supportive

[giginfoman]

go through both of em,see who's the biggest and best and that should take yer mind off him,after all bet he's goin through em as fast as they can pull em from under him!!!