My Husband's behaviour

[truffles]

My Husband and i have been married a nearly a year, we lived for about 18 months together before we married and knew each other about a year before. So, we had a good idea of what the other was like. Before we married he changed his job (he thought it was more suitable for a married man) i never once told him to, just supported his choice. I do understand that no relationship goes smoothly but, he's changed. From being a very thought full loving fun huggable just great guy, who did get stressed sometimes, but always managed to sort things out to basically turning into this person who stomps about, grumpy, nasty, selfish, moody, never happy, lazy and just does not see why he has to do anything for anyone and also having a major sulk and later having a tantrum over trivial things in front of his friends (i did think i had caused all this somehow but after the behaviour the other day they have rang all week checking on me) i did nothing to cause this and his behaviour was unjust towards me. I really don't know how to deal with this as today he's just the same again and this also effects my child, he sulk's or is unjustly 'off' with us. Any suggestions? Please. And please if your a bloke what makes you behave like this?

[Le Chat]

velvetee- You should not have to suffer PMT for 3 weeks. It sounds more like you have PMSyndrome and you should seek professional and/or alternative medicine to help control it. (I am assuming that you haven't)

[lil75]

Le chat, the bit about the beast emerging is so very true!

[Velvetee]

I know Le Chat and I have been to doctors, nothing they can do. I've tried all the usual remedies. Some months are better than others.

[Nkakamasembe]

Typical mothers boy!!! ask him to grow up.

[4G.S.]

NoKnowledge always has the answer

[Blondefactor]

I have thought about this since your posting on Saturday and I feel that there could be many reasons behind this:-

You do not say what his job was beforehand, apart from it was dangerous - it could be that he used to use so much adrenaline during his previous job that this de-stressed him and now he doesn't have that outlet he takes it out on you.

He may feel that he has sacrificed his job for the marriage and feels that you owe him - ie "now I'm safe you look after me" also that his mates (are they married?) tease him about his commitment to you.

Your son could be acting up because he seems Daddy doing so and as little boys' copy what Daddy does sometimes, he is just following by example.

I personally am very lucky I don't experience these sort of difficulties but my mother did.

Perhaps there is an older male friend/relative that could talk to your husband and try and find out what the problem is. I hope that things work out for you. The only other option I can suggest is talk to somebody at Relate.

All the best

[truffles]

Your all great, i think that when two people get together and are very independant (like us) it causes problems when the beast emerges, he's gone from the dangerous job to a not so dangerous job but with alot more expectations from his boss, i really don't think he's having an affair, does stress effect sex drive? he's calmed over the past two days and is nearly back to normal, althought he threw a bit of a wobbly when he tried to use my toothbrush (petty i know) and i stopped him, as I have a mild thoat infection. Yes maybe Mummy did everything for him, and yes i have had occasions when i have stopped doing anything for him, that was the threat this time too. and has appologied and even thanked me for looking after him etc, he does pay for the extras, holidays, etc, but money is one subject we have never resolved (not sure how everyone else does it) he does not go out with friends very often (they livetoo far away and always did) but does have contact with them. I do think he's realised that what i do for him is looking after him and not working against him, (he threw a paddy other week because he wanted to wash clothing late at night when i stopped him he stropped and stommped about and would not listen so i left him to it, he soon realised i'd washed dried and sorted all he needed and came back with his tale between his legs) It's like he's a child now he's married. I'll read through again all your comments and make notes. We do talk, he just denies whats been decided etc (will start to tape things) I'll keep you all up to date, thank you for all your help so far. Love L x