Boyfriend trouble

[Headless Rat]

Hi, just looking for some advice. At the weekend I was away with my bf of 8 months and another couple who we are friends with. My bf is NOT into PDAs but the other couple is. It made me kind of jealous and a bit mad seeing the other couple kissing and being all affectionate (not that they were all over each other in a sickening way or anything) while my bf never touches me in public. This is because I do like PDAs and just being affectionate in general. He's a bit better in private in that he will hug me and put his arm around me when we're watching TV.However, when I try to hold his hand, he pushes it away; in bed when I try to cuddle him in the morning he turns his back to me. The other thing is that he has said that he "could take or leave sex quite easily" and that nothing I do turns him on except actually having sex! Is this normal??!! I feel quite hurt, rejected and very VERY unattractive!! I've tried talking to him about it but he just says I'm being silly and that he does treat me well and is always there for me and that I seem to just want him to be kissing me the whole time. This is a complete a exaggeration. He has said that he would never be overwhelmed by desire for me...but that other girls have said that to him so it's just him and his personality so he can't change. Am I being silly by letting this hurt me? I'm kind of confused as I've never been in a proper relationship before. Am I meant to accept that it's normal that he's not not turned on by me? Also, I came home a day early form our weekend away as I REALLY felt he was oblivious to me...I also muttered something about "just leaving things between the two of us" as I was so fed up. All he said in reply was "fair enough. I have nothing to feel bad about. I'm tired of always reassuring you when I've done nothing wrong. you always seem to want an argument in order to be sure of how i feel about you. i like things simple and am not into those games. i enjoyed my time with you and will miss you".

[lil75]

I have been in a similar scenario in my past..he was a good man, but didnt show much affection or interest in sex...after 2 years of trying to talk/scream and shout about it, I gave up and ended the relationship...he was devastated and desperate to come back, it was too late for me...but one thing I did learn from it was how much he did actually love and want me, but I had felt rejected for far to long and made my mind up that this wasnt what I wanted in my life, I needed attention and just wasnt getting it...I dont regret ending it, in fact im glad I did, cos it just wears you down and leaves you with not a lot of confidence.

I dont understand why he would say you dont turn him on, he must have seen something in you that attracted you to him in the 1st place!!! I think the problem is not you, but him, I think somewhere along the lines he has issues regarding relationships and sex, only he knows what they are and maybe you should try getting to the bottom of it. He sounds good in every other way, just the "issues" is the problem, the fact that he cant get an erection at times spells out to me he is feeling inadequate about sex....I think maybe he talks to you the way he does as a way of taking the blame off of him and making it seem as if your the problem...dont let him do this as it will damage your confidence!!!!

[lil75]

Forgot to add, also the fact he turns away when you cuddle him in bed etc suggests to me that he is worried where it will lead, so its easier for him to turn his back and avoid it!

[catcuddler]

public displays of affection

[ceejn]

Cheers Catcuddler

[pmorris1961]

Public displays of affection !!

[pmorris1961]

public displays of affection

[beanebabe]

It must be our age - I had no idea what PDA's were either!

[Maypole]

He's not for you. Sorry to be so blunt but there is nothing wrong with wanting your fella to hold your hand, and its sad he equates this to some weakness of yours.
Find a man who cant keep his hands off you and would definiately rather TAKE sex with you than leaving it!

[Lakitu]

Some people don't like PDA's, that's fine, but I'm concerned about him saying you don't turn him on.

Sex IS a part of that kind of love and I'd be asking myself some questions about where the relationship is going if I was in your shoes.

If you don't, you could be a very lonely lady in years to come.

[sara3]

he's not a bad person, and neither are you but you have different needs and you sound like a mis-match to me.

imagine 5 years ahead.. looking back over another 5 years of this. is that fulfilling?

but I must say, as a sad divorcee (from a similar relationship).. there's not necessarily much more out there! be sure before doing anything drastic.

[nkostyuk]

Hi,
Ive been in a similar situation myself. The guy I was with wouldnt show effection in public. one day i got mad and when we were alone i said to him "why dont you show affection in public" he told me that we are in public. "later on i got even more mad, and told him that he is being like this because he is afraid of what people might think of him because he always makes everyone think that he is a strong guy and if he shows affection he proves himself weak. he agreed with me and said he never looked at it like that and tried to show effection in public. i know you said youve tried talking to him. it seems to me he is avoiding it for some reason maybe he is just uncomfertable with talking about it. I would suggest writting him a letter with your feeling and thoughts of whats going on. and ask him to write you a letter back. if things dont change atleast a little, he will never give what your looking for and you should move on. for women affection is very important. hopefully everything works out!

[cymruambyth1]

In my view you are going to hear people's opinions and not like them, if it isnt what you want to hear. No one wants to end a relationship, it is usually comfortable and it is easier to just plod along than think about being single again.

In my view he probably is a really decent guy and really thoughtful, but to tell your girlfriend she doesnt turn you on is not a nice thing. Fair enough if he just isnt into sex that much, or he may have a problem, but I think in every relationship you at least need to fancy each other, be physically attracted, otherwise it is just a friendship.

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we still fancy each other as much as we did when we first met, but we also are very affectionate towards each other.

I just think that he either may have a sex drive issue, or you are just meant to be friends. The problem will only get worse, you need the intimacy to feel close to someone and you need to feel loved, not just by having gifts given to you but in other ways.

[jno]

it doesn't matter whether he's a good guy or a bad guy, or whether you're good or bad. Nobody's to blame. The point about relationships is that you're happy with each other. It's nice that he gives you helpful books but if what you actually want is a sexier relationship, then you're not on the same wavelength. Such relationships can work, but it doesn't sound like you're really happy, because you're not getting what you want out of him. No need for recriminations, it sounds like you're both being honest about your position, but it's not working for you.

You can't change what other people do, only what you do yourself. If you can't live without the signs of affection that you want, you should look elsewhere.

[Mr.NoseVIII]

turd nugget