Men...

[Lady36]

Hello. I am going out with this guy that I adore, and both he and I have been single for a long time (5 years). We have only been together for a few weeks but I fancy the ass off him and want to get snogging if you know what I mean! :) But how do I do it? He hasn't made a move and I want to but don't want to scare him off...any ideas? Thanks in advance x

[Lady36]

That IS very good advice Andy & Daniela...my problem is that I think he won't want to do the physical thing and then that will be it - over - just friends. And I like him tooo much for the rejection :( How pathetic am I!! :-/

[daniela31]

You are going to have to take the plunge, and either make the first move, or talk to him about it.
If he just wants to be friends, then at least you will know, and I'm sure you will be capable of dealing with the rejection, if that's what happens.

:-)

[andy-hughes]

i would agree with Daniella, although you suspect he may not be interested, at least you will know and can decide to stay friends, or, if that hurts, move on and look elsewhere.

The delicious pain of not knowing will soon turn to bitterness, so don't spin it out too long.

Fancying people who don't fancy us back is the way the world turns - not easy, but that is the way it is. That explains why Kylie has yet to see the light!

[Lady36]

hahaha! yes you're right...I know...I just don't want to face it! It could go two ways - he turns out to be asexual/enuch or he sh*gs me senseless and everybody's happy! :) Hoorah!

But you're right - if I don't try - I won't know. It's getting the balls to do it. My Sister was saying that I should do it and whats the worse that can happen because he if says "Foxtrot Oscar" then I will know! I need to have a word with myself and just flippin do it.

[Lady36]

Thanks for all your answers - you're all very wise :)

[tigwig]

Let us know how you get on won't you. I can't wait to find out now! I hope it all goes well for you and he grabs you passionately! Lets hope he is just too shy and scared you will reject him if he makes the first move. Good luck.

[Lady36]

Ok so last night I was leaving his place and I said "so are you going to kiss me goodnight?" and he said "no" and I said "why not?" and he said "cos I'm tired" so I said "that's not a good reason" and he said "oh ok then..." and gave me a lame air kiss on the cheek. So I said "oh, is that it" and he said "yes, don't want you to get too excited" and he was all nervous and twitchy. God what a nightmare. I have to say I am losing patience!!! :( :( :( I text a friend of mine and he said to try it again, everytime we part...we are going to be together today so I will get the chance later...will let you know! I know I should have said 'F*ck this' ages ago but I like him sooo much and I am old enough to know better.... (36). <weep weep>. :)

[andy-hughes]

I think he may just be very very shy, and be worried that he won;t kiss you properly. He didn;t say something involving the dreaded 'just friends' words, which is encouragin.

I know you won't think like that, but put yourself in his shoes, he is frightened you won't like him any more.

Next time, be more subtle. Give him a big grin, hold eye contact, say something like "I don't bite ..." and kiss him very gently on the mouth. If he doesn't respond, don't worry, he may be busy trying not to pass out or burst into tears with stress!

If his body language shos you that he is really not comfortable with what you are doing, you may have to accept that either he is a very slow learner, or he is just not that keen, but doesn;t know how to say so nicely.

Good luck - keep us posted.

[Lady36]

I wish you were right Andy! We had a bit of a chat on Saturday cos we were going for Lunch and I kept touching his arm, he said he didn't like it and I said 'oh sorry, but I like touching you, your're gorgeous etc etc and he said 'yes but I don't like being touched so there lies the problem'. So I said, do you not like being touched at all? And he said no. It's said it's only been over the last few years but he doesn't like anyone touching him. I really wanted to yell at him and say "how the f*ck are we supposed to be in a relationship if you don't like being touched!" but I didn't... And I had a horrid dream about him last night :( I think it's doomed! :(

[daniela31]

I think it's doomed too Lady36. :-(
Like you say, you cannot have a relationship with someone if there is zero physical contact.
You need to get him to go and see someone about his problem. Try suggesting his GP for a start.

As for you....I think it's time you treated this as a friendship, and find someone who will reciprocate your feelings.

Move on babes....
:-)

[Panic Button]

Perhaps he's gay

[Lady36]

You're right, I will have to, but it's bloody hard cos I think so much of him...I adore him! But when I try to talk to him about feelings and stuff he just tries to make a joke out it and avoids it like the plague. I honestly don't think he gives a monkeys if I am with him or not, but the trouble is that I keep trying cos I really want him to care... If he sat down and said 'yes I know i'm a bit of a mess but I am trying' then I would be patient for ages! But he hasn't (so far).

[Lady36]

hahah Panic! Yes I thought that....but he has been married and he has a daughter (no excuse I know - look at Elton John!) but no, I don't think he is gay x

[daniela31]

It's almost like he is just being friends with you until something better comes along.....not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with you. You seem too nice for him. Try to get him to see someone about his 'no touching' problem. Offer to be there if he needs to chat about it, be sympathetic....but look at it as a realationship that is not going to work as in 'boyfriend/girlfriend. It just looks like mates only....

Best of luck anyway.
:-)

[andy-hughes]

Either he is going to get past what ever has made him this way, or he's not.

You simply have to ask yourself if you want to invest the time and emotion in a relationship that may end up going nowhere, and hurting you in the process.

Only you know how strongly you feel - but take it a step at a time, and see how things go. You'll develop a feel for any movement on his part - or not, and then you can make a decision - which must be the best for you.

You are hopefully his girlfriend, not his counsellor, so beware of getting in too deep on this one.