help please

[lozzylou]

i have been with my partner for 5 years and we have 2 children together. he has been quiet overe the last ew days and tonight he cracked and said he had loads on his mind and that his head was all over the place. he said he wants me but dont know what else he wants anymore. i want to help him sort his head out but dont want to get on his nerves

anyone any advice as i really dont want to lose him

[SpiritLady]

In my opinion you have to use the mars and venus thing here. He has gone into his cave and he needs space. Let him know you love him, if he wants your help he only has to ask and tell him you will be there for him when he is ready to talk about the problem and leave it at that. Dont keep giving it ' please talk to me ..... i want to help ....... if you loved me you would talk to me ....... etc etc'. Martians will ask if they want help and do not like it if it is forced upon them. But there again, that is only my opinion. It will come out one day when he is ready - its a man thing!!!

[happyone2]

i have to agree, you have to be the strong one here..................... dont go down any pit of thinking its all because he doesnt love you etc etc................... focus on him......

He is struggling and i think for the next few weeks, you do everything you can to make his life easy , anything and everything that you can possibly do that would take presuure off him.

and you dont question anything he does, if he is cracking he may do some things that you would not expect, things to give him that space he craves to sort his head out....................

for this period he is the important person and if possible all focus should be on getting him thru this, because at the end, regardless of what happens, you will feel better if you can honestly say to your self that you did contribute to that stress and did everything you could to help.........................

good luck

[lil75]

Sounds like he has had a build up of many things that are obviously getting to him, also maybe hes at a stage where he feels he doesnt know what lifes about, I think we all go through this from time to time...im sure it will pass, let him know your there if he wants to talk...hope he is feeling better soon x

[terambulan]

Poor you....remember you have the 24/7 care of the children and he could be over-burdened with 'providing' for you all. He may have basic financial worries. Only u know if finances are tight. If so, maybe you could help with them?

[SpiritLady]

Lozzylou, please do let us know how you are getting on. Try a few of these suggestions and keep us posted. Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you all.

[lozzylou]

hi thanks for all your answers. we had a good talk and it seems he is just at the stage where he is bored in life and wants more from it. he wants to be able to go out more just me and him but with two toddlers thats not always possible. we have agreed to try and make a night evey fortnight to go out together, weather its to a pub, cinema or just a meal. i am hoping that it might help.

i would love for us to be able to do something together one night a week too, but dont know what, has anyone any ideas, i would like something taht we have to do together as a team if that makes sence.
i thought about maybe salsa classes or something that we can have a laugh with as well, but he is convinced that it will be full of old people.

any ideas will be appreciated

[happyone2]

dont really know how old you are but i would like to suggest jive @ waterlooville community centre on either tuesday or thursday - the ages go from 20s to 70s and every one dances with everyone and its easy to make new friends..........

and it is incredibly healthy as well !!!

[sarah-london]

Wow....this sounds familiar.....this was my position a year ago! I truly truly feel for you as it's so hard when someone elses feelings change & yours stay the same. It's taken me a long long time to get my head round that - it's not easy!

The only thing you can do is let him know that YOU love HIM & make clear what you want & then you have to give him time & space to think. IF he's taking the p*ss with taking his time then you should do what I should've done.....tell him to get lost.....I knowthat sounds harsh but I think if I'd have had the courage to do that to my b/f I wouldn't be in the position I am in now......men don't want someone they think they can walk all over! I hope it all works out for you!

[zzxxee]

i dont no if you have friends with kids of the same age, but when my kids were very small we had baby sitting circle one night i would have their kids over night the following week she would have mine there were about six families involved so it got to the point we could go out regularly, brilliant and free..... i hope everything goes well