Sunday Express Skeleton 24Th November...
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my husband looks
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my husband looks at other women, its only for a few seconds but its still looking. i have moved out of our bedroom and refuse to leave the house with him. should i take the kids and leave?
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Here's a little secret. The reason men get caught looking at other women is because our field of vision is extremely narrow. This is the same reason that when we look in a fridge or a wardrobe, we often cannot see something that is at the front of the shelf and which is entirely self evident to a woman - a man needs to move his head in order to look at something.
Women also look at men but they have a comparatively wide field of vision and therefore rarely need to move their heads and thus rarely get caught. Tests where subjects have micro-cameras trained at their eyes and forward to see where they're looking show men and women show no appreciable difference in their propensity to appraise members of the opposite sex.
If you didn't pull your husband up on the fact that he looks at other women, I can guarantee you that he would remember nothing about them even 30 seconds after they had left his field of sight. It means nothing, is entirely normal and hardly a reason to leave a marriage.
Women also look at men but they have a comparatively wide field of vision and therefore rarely need to move their heads and thus rarely get caught. Tests where subjects have micro-cameras trained at their eyes and forward to see where they're looking show men and women show no appreciable difference in their propensity to appraise members of the opposite sex.
If you didn't pull your husband up on the fact that he looks at other women, I can guarantee you that he would remember nothing about them even 30 seconds after they had left his field of sight. It means nothing, is entirely normal and hardly a reason to leave a marriage.
If you are a normal human being, then I must inform you that you do - if you were severely autistic you might not, but everyone else does. When a woman looks at a man, the initial movements of her eyes go from crotch to face to crotch(a man looks from face to crotch to face, interestingly). This is entirely unconscious behaviour, and is normal. The fact that you're not aware of it shows precisely how much it means.
I'm suspicious that something else, unstated by you, is actually going on here. You state that you have kids... more than one, and yet you are just now observing behavior in your husband that has surely always been there. To consider disrupting the childrens lives, not speak of your own, based on your need to be the center of the universe is unrealistic, to say the least.
Seriously, justawife, I think we have established here that you are in the wrong, not him. You need to get a hold on your jealousy. My DAD looks at women- all women who are remotely attractive, and whilst I find this sad (he is 65!) and a bit yucky, I appreciate that he is just being a BLOKE, and has NO intention whatsoever of cheating on my Mum!!
You need to realise that, whilst annoying, he is not really doing anything that warrants such extreme behaviour from yourself.
How about getting some counselling together? He obviously doesn't realise how much it is upsetting you, and you don't realise how it really means nothing when he does this.
See if you can work out WHY it bothers you so much. Have you been cheated on in the past? He needs to compromise and try and stop, and you need to calm down, and move back into the bedroom.
ok----let me tell you a little bit more here. then youll see where im comming from. when we got married 10 years ago i was 15 and he was 37. we have 3 children ages 8, 6, and 3. some of these women that he looks at r under 18.
i didnt see a problem with it when i was a stupid teenager but i do now. i also grew up watching my parents cheating on each other constantly. so i know im a little f.ed up but im terrified hes going to do something with these females. i dont mean to sound like a little b word. im totally confused
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Afraid i'm with undercovers (and indeed all other ABers) on this! You were immature to be getting married at 15 (not legal is it?) and would have appeared not to have grown up since. Men and women of all ages check out the opposite sex all the time. Your husband would do well to leave with the kids if you don't sort yourself out.
