Marrying Young

[Nightfold]

I have been with my partner two years and its our anniversary soon. I am in my late mid teens and so is my partner, we are in love with each other and have been through thick and thin, which has tested us as a couple. Yet we always end up in each others arms by the end of it. My partners side of the family do not like me but my side like my partner. I know I am only just out of my childhood and the world is about to rush me off to whatever adventures await. But I want to be with my love forever. I am na�ve and am kinda proud to admit it, I want to ask my partner to marry me towards the end of the year. I want to know what the world of AB has to advise. Thanks :)

[Ice.Maiden]

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that it works if you're both destined to be together, but statistically, 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce anyway, and the chances of surviving together until old age are pretty slim.
I got married when I was 18, but things were a lot easier for us than some young couples have today. For a start, you need to think about the money side of things, and not be blinded by the romance of it. All too often, children come along before you've grown up yourselves, and if you can't provide a decent standard of living, the cracks soon start to appear. Sorry to sound negative, but I've been with my husband for over 11.5 years now, and if you decide to take the plunge, I wish you the best of luck. x

[Nightfold]

Thanks for the advice Ice.Maiden I value your answer alot, and more so because your speaking from experience. I am saving all my money I get for her and I. I really do think my girlfriend an I are destined.Thanks again :)

[Ice.Maiden]

You're welcome hun, and I really hope it works out for you, but you see, by the time you reach 24-25, you're different people from what you are now. If you both have jobs, and can save hard or are lucky enough to have parents who can help out financially, then you may be able to scrape the deposit for a mortgage together, but it can take years. You may be able to rent a little place, but again, to live reasonably well, it takes one decent income or preferably two together, to be able to live without getting stressed and in debt. have you thought about getting engaged, and then just enjoying yourselves and seeing a bit of the world first? Seems like you have plenty of time. x

[Nightfold]

We want to travel soo much and see the world. Then settle down later, just a little later. She is so amazing but I don't know a great deal about engagement. I am happy to wait until we both have more money, I know she is the one. I would love it if parents contributed to the wedding and so on which would be very lucky. Should I talk to her about it alot or alittle? How much do couples talk about engagement before it happens?

[Ice.Maiden]

Bless you. If she loves you as much as you love her, then I'm sure she'd be delighted if you mentioned an engagement! it's just a token of commitment really, but can last for as short or long a time as you want. This'd show your partner that you're serious, yet give you time to hang on a bit and do things together before settling down to responsibility.
Talking is vital within a relationship - whatever the subject. If you're at ease with each other, you should be able to discuss anything and everything. As for getting engaged - you'll know if and when the time's right.

[Nightfold]

I am not sure whether you meant to or not, but you've put such a massive smile on my face. I think I will mention it to her tomorrow, I feel her and I are ready but I am happy to go at her pace. She means the world to me and I can't wait to live my life with her. Thank you Ice.Maiden your an angel :)

[Ice.Maiden]

Well thank you for that, but I'm just trying to offer some practical advice. Me and my husband love each other just as much as the day we got married, but you're going through a beautiful time at the moment, and it's best to hanfg onto it for as long as possible.
Hope it all goes well for you. Let me know how it goes.
Night hun. x

[onlyme26]

hiya,
i dont think it matters what age you are!

my siser got married at 30 to her b/f of 8 years, the marrage lasted 18 months!!!

she decided she didnt wanna settle down!!!

He was 26 and she was his first!!!!!! so to be honest i thought he would end the marrage!!

so doesnt matter that you are young, if you love each other then go for it!!

good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[jake-the-peg]

As Ice maiden says 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce

But of those who marry in their teens 50% dont last 15 years.

Those are big odds.

And the reason is people who marry early have a tendency to reach middle age and feel they've missed out a whole chunk of life and try to recapture it with disasterous results.

Of course that means half do last but being naive really isn't something to be proud of when you're making lifechanging decisions.

I don't know from what you've said whether you've lived together for long of if you have at all.

If not you seriously need to - you're about to commit maybe 50 or 60 years to one man and you really need to know what that's going to be like when all the wedding excitement and novelty is gone.

Like they say it's something to be undertaken seriously and soberly.

There'res nothing to stop you getting engaged but if I were you I'd set a date a good way off maybe summer 2010 ?

That will give you time to save up too and you'll get your pick of places if you book early.

What do you gain by rushing this?

[Bbbananas]

There's nothing wrong in getting engaged if you both really want to and Its lovely to read how in love you are with your lady. But don't rush into marriage. Late-mid teens is so very young, you have all the time in the world (and also plenty of time for both/one of you to change. A lot)

Take your time & just enjoy the present.

[Mully79]

I met my husband when I was 19 (worked together), we got together at 21 and married at 22. We both just 'knew' that we had something special. We've been married 6� years now. We've seen many other marriages and relationships fall apart in that time, the statistics aren't great but don't let that put you off.

I think if you know in your heart that this is right, then go ahead with the engagement. People do change as they get older, we certainly have but if your relationship is meant to be then you'll adapt together - it's all about give and take. Good luck!

[wiggal]

Hi Nightfold!

Firstly I want to agree with what others have said, that it is lovely the way you talk about her, and obviously feel about her :-)

I'm only young myself, 21, and my fella is 27 now, we have been together since a week after my 17th! When we first met, we agreed no talk of marriage until we had been together atleast 5 years, as by then I would of grown up more and it saved us rushing into things.

However! We have spoken about it on many occasions and very much both want to get married, and I'm now getting impatient waiting for him to pop the question lol!

We will have been together 5 yrs in March, so I'm keeping my fingers very tightly crossed!

I would also love for my man to talk about me the way you talk about your girl, she really is so very lucky and I hope she realises and knows how much you love her!
Having said that, although my fella isn't one to be overly emotional, however he does show his love in other ways! Since we have been living together, I have never been without something I want! He will go out of his way to get it for me, and he does the cooking and cleaning lol!

I'd say if you really love each other, and it seems as though you do, thengo for it. People say to me we are to young to get married, but I know it is him I want to be with, and he wants to be with me, so why are we too young?

[Nightfold]

Thanks for your advice all :) your really giving me a wider view of the engagement and marrying side of things, I love her with all my heart.

[sara3]

Nightfold, it's a romantic notion.. very sweet. I met my husband when we were 15 and 16, and over the years we matured but became different people to who we once were.

enjoy life, have fun, have romance, but why rush into marriage? if you're destined to be together you'll always be together. you have plenty of time.

good luck.

Sara, 42, divorced!

[beso]

Icemaiden is an optimist. The divorce figure is closer to half.

[topogigo]

Always bear in mind that a partnership regardless of whether you are married can be either very nice incredibly bad or boring and unrewarding. My advice is to be totally selfish and take what you want from your life. If that includes loving and caring for someone without ever being destructive then marriage is for you. If you can never be content with that commitment don't do it. You can spend a life time regretting things and merely tolerating your circumstances, only you can say how you really feel. You have to be brave about your needs, they are very important and won't go away.

[Nightfold]

I would really like to be able to say how I feel, but no words describe how much I love her

[smudge]

I was 17 & my husband was 18.5 when we got married.

We celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary in September.

And 'some' people said it wouldn't last.....

(Sorry for being hasty, but only came up to switch off)!

[smudge]

P.S. You & your girlfriend must do what feels right for you Nightfold. People tried to tell us we were too young to be in love, but we knew we were destined to be together.

I know of other couples who married when they were quite a bit older than us, but are no longer together.

It all depends not just on how much in love you are, but being able to work together as a team....taking the rough with the smooth, etc. We have got through lots of hurdles in our married life, but couldn't imagine not being together, along with our two daughters & four grandchildren.

Good luck to you both. -x-

[smudge]

Just read Ice.Maiden's post - all sounds familiar to me.