abusive history

[kdawg]

I've met a girl and been seeing her for few months now. Her past two relationshps were extremely difficult for her. Her first was with a guy who was physically violent to her and would not let her get out of a destructive an oppressive relationship. This went on for two years. Her second relationship was with a very meek guy who eventually admitted to her after a year that he was gay. Now she is with me but keeps making references and posing questions to me such as ' would you kick a girl in the face?' or ' would you pour boiling water on a girl' to which i get very annoyed at. I feel it very insulting and she does not understand my profound indignance at this. I tell her I would never strike a person and she says thats what most violent people say!! I like this girl very much, but she is asking these questions and it is deeply upsetting for it feels she does not know me at all. How do I deal with this ? should i give her the benefit of the doubt as she perhaps drawing from her history?

[alishalexy]

If you are a genuine sincere decent man who is going to be different from what she had then I am afraid you will need to hand in there. You could listen because she will probly test you, sometimes on purpose and sometimes accidently. Shes trying to get it right, shes insecure, mistursting of men can you blame her. Its not her fault or yours its these deceiving men who pretend and lie some cover there true nature well.
If you give up then she will either end up with another abuser or spend her life avoiding men.
You can let her go on, try to understand and work her out, let her babble, you know your not violent so try not to get offended. Then you have to do the reasurance bit, sit here down and have that one to one chat give her time to take it in. Time is a healer and believe it or not in time things do improve. You will need to explain to her that its offending you her asking you these demeaning questions , remind her that your not her ex either of them and you may have to do this continiosly. Well try and nip it pronto in the bud before she forms habbits which will be harder to break.
If at all you feel you can't take this what seems a long haul and you may give up on her then you need to let her know your not that strong.
For a girl/women like this the worse thing to do is wait till she trusts you and loves you then you do something wrong towards her. Its like kicking someone whos already down. Unless you know your not the cheating , hitting, dumping kind don't get involved. You could just keep it as pure friends and see if she improves, give her time. But don't sleep with her and use her.
Women who are abused can't help looking back at their history.