Wrong to sleep with your ex?

[sarah-london]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted some advice from people that don't kow me personally & therefore can't have an opinion on me or my ex if that makes sense?

I split with my ex a while back & since then we have remained friends but recently again we have started sleeping together again. My b/f split with me. We always shared a very active & fulfilling sex life. I NEVER instigate contact with him but more recently he's been calling me once a week....saying he really wants to see me etc etc. Thing is I often go cos a) I wanna see him as we are still mates & b)cos I do actually want sex with him.

Thing is though this just keeps going on & on & I don't know what to do anymore?? Why does he keep coming back? Why does he keep calling me? Often when he rings he will want to chat about 'his stuff'.....like I know drugs is a problem etc etc. Sometimes he calls in a right state. Nevertheless 9 times out of 10 we will have sex when we meet.

Has anyone else been in this situation?? Am I being a moron for keep giving into him? Deep deep down I do still love him & I think that's one of the reasons I hang in on there.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr how frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ric.ror]

There has got to be a reason why he's your ex. If its just sex thats not a problem but one of you may be wanting/expecting more, and that is the road to heartache for one of you

[cove]

i think you are doing yourself more harm than good. i agree with Ric.ror.

[ummmm]

If you can see it for what it is 'SEX' and are okay with that then I don't see a problem.

If you're emotionally involved then you risk getting hurt.

[terambulan]

you have history with the ex & future with bf......lucky you - keep them both on strings.

[ummmm]

terambulan - I can't see where she mentions a BF?????

[angel21]

If there is a possibility that you are just holding out hope that you might get back together, then I think its a bad idea to keep having sex with him as you might not get back together and u will get hurt.

I think when someone is your ex and your friend and your sex partner it can be a bit confusing and boundaries get crossed, no one knows where they stand and someone always ends up getting hurt.

[terambulan]

My b/f split with me She's got both ;o)

[terambulan]

and then she says....."how frustrating!" Nympho, or wot?

[angel21]

I've been in this situation and at the time I thought this is great, I can still have sex with him and we are still friendly blah blah blah this couldn't be better and what harm can possibly come from it but in the end I did get hurt and took me ages to get over him as he was first love.

[ummmm]

Right...get ya. Although I think it was a slip of the mind :-)

[cove]

is sarah referring to are ex as the boyfriend she's sexing with?
now that i've read it over, i think this is what i understand.

[terambulan]

she hasn't responded - is there a co-worker as well? That's greedy ;o)

[ummmm]

lol....who would have the energy? It's bad enough with one bloke waking you up at 5am poking you in the back....!!!!

[terambulan]

Enjoy ummm......at least you're appreciated. Mine's been & gone.

[angel21]

I don't know how people do find the energy for nookie. I'm worn out after work and I'm only 21 lol.

[ummmm]

I do terambulan....just not a 5am....!!!

Angel....it's a great stress buster ;-)

[blond_law]

Speaking from experience - stop this now! he may be instigating it by contacting you but this may be because he knows he can. In your head you may be thinking that he is 'coming back' to you but in his head, without sounding horrible, he knows you have history, knows you still want to be friends, knows you still love him and so knows he can get it on tap.

i had the same thing with an ex of mine. i told myself he still had feelings as he kept contacting me and after months of me thinking we still had a chance of rekindling, i realised i was just his convenience, we were comfortable with each other and had history therefore he didn't need to make any effort and he knew how to play me to get what he wanted. As soon as he met someone else i didn't hear from him again.

as hard as it is don't allow urself to get into a situation where sex is available with him. if he calls you up needing advice tell him your busy or can't talk and if you do meet him do it in pubs or somewhere public where sex can't be instigated. It's a horrible situation to be in but the more you allow yourself to be there for him the less chance you have of getting over the breakup yourself.

[andy-hughes]

I think blond_law has it spot on.

Why does he keep coming back? Because he can! Giving a man commitment-free sex is like giving buns to an elephant, he will stand there waiting for as long as it takes to get some more.

If you are happy - fine, as long as you view it on the same terms. If you have thoughts of him coming back, forget it, he would have done so if that was his intention.

If you are enjoying commitment free sex with no strings, then fine, but I suspect you think if you sleep with him often enough, he will come back.

Sorry - not going to happen. Find yourself a new man and look forward, instead of wallowing in comfortable nostalgia for a relationship that is gone, and shows no signs of coming back.

[sarah-london]

The ex & the b/f are one of the same people!

I know.......I think part of the reason I personally keep going back is cos I know it will be good sexually & obviously having sex with him on the back of that is NOT selfless HOWEVER, sometimes I take it for what it is & there is no feeling attached to it & then other times it's more difficult & I feel so so sh*t the following day.

[lil123]

You need to stop all contact with him.
Believe me it is the only way.
I wish to god I hadn't kept going back with my ex he caused me so much pain and heartache.
Remember the reason why he is an 'ex' then after a while you will move on and wonder what you ever saw in him when ypu are happy again.
Good luck xx